Marianne was right, I’d rather live with this scar than know I could have tried to save my family and chose to walk away unscathed.
Is it really three years? It seems like yesterday. I can accept the loss of my family and I am grateful that I have Jocelyn who is more like a sister than a niece.
I still see Jonathan’s face, as clearly as I did the afternoon when he came to call and tell me he could no longer marry me. How did I recover from that pain and anguish?
He never mentioned my changed appearance, but it must have been a factor in his decision to call off our engagement.
During the dark days of desolation, she had hoped against hope, that one day he would return and tell her he loved her, and he needed to marry her and spend his life with her.
The pain from the healing of her physical scars had masked the emotional pain of loss of her family… and her fiancé Jonathan.
Chapter 10
The sound of horseshoes clattered out from the mews and into the lane leading towards the park. Marcus welcomed the freedom of riding so early in the morning, and longed to be back at Hargrove in the countryside again.
He hoped they would reach Hyde Park early enough to enjoy the peace and tranquility and late enough to miss the aftereffects of any duels, which still occurred occasionally despite it being outlawed, near the Serpentine lake. Marcus could never understand what possessed men to hold their lives in such low regard that they would throw their life away at dawn in a London Park.
Any man who had been on a battlefield in France or Spain knew the value of life and how easily it could be lost in an agonizing death.
Colin rode beside him, and Marcus was glad of his company on this early morning ride. Behind them, at a distance, rode James.
He envied his cousin Colin. He knew what made him happy and had a devotion to family, and those he cared for, which made him a perfect son. Marcus smiled, knowing that any children of Colin’s would have a father they could love, and who would be proud of them.
“Are you still planning to offer for Lady Jocelyn?” he asked Colin, bending his head close to his friend's.
“Marcus, I believe so.”
“You haven’t declared yourself yet.”
“No, though I feel a love for Jocelyn which makes me glad to be alive.”
Marcus smiled at his friend's declaration of happiness.
“I’m very aware that this is her first season in London. Her coming out ball hasn’t even taken place yet,” said Colin.
“It’s in the next few days I think.”
“Yes, they are busy with preparations, so I haven’t seen her as much this week. It’s to take place at Maybury Crescent, home of Lady Leighton’s house.”
“What’s holding you back?” Marcus asked. He was curious as to why, if Colin had made his choice, his best plan would be to declare his affections and get out of town as soon as possible.
That’s what I’d have done,he mused.
“Perhaps it’s the loss of her parents, Marcus. She lost them at such a young age and in such tragic circumstances. She has a guardian who must be one of the most grim-faced, miserly men in theton.I guess I don’t want Jocelyn to imagine that she is in love with me just because she sees it as an escape route from her past and her great uncle Harold.”
“I see your logic. I have to say that my impression is of a young woman who knows her own mind and has a genuine affection for you.”
“You’re right in that estimation,” agreed Colin.
“I hope she doesn’t get swept off her feet by another suitor while you are being caring and considerate and holding back from making an offer of marriage.”
“I hadn’t thought of it quite like that, by Jove,” said Colin. “I think maybe I have taken her affections for granted and held back from moving things on during these last ten days.”
“It’s only a random thought. Lady Jocelyn seems equally smitten with you, so I think it unlikely.” Marcus looked ahead, seeing the Serpentine glistening in the morning light. “I like her, Colin. I dobelieve it is about personality, rather than age and experience,” he added.
He bent down to pat his chestnut horse and looked up at Colin with an expression of pure mischief. “Let’s pretend for a few minutes that we’re hellions and race down Rotten Row.”
“I’m up for it,” said Colin. “James, his lordship and I plan to race down Rotten Row and back again. Can you count us down so it’s a fair start?”
