What does he mean?thought Olivia as she listened, confused at his tone of voice.
“I spoke with Mama and we both thought it would be best to get this out of the way. It would be cruel to tell you in a few weeks’ time. No, it’s best for you to hear this now.” He turned his head away from her, seeming like a stranger, so formal and cold.
Olivia gripped the lace edged linen handkerchief she held in her hands. A feeling of trepidation crept through her body.
“My dear, the reality is that we can no longer marry. I spoke to your Uncle Harold earlier this week. Your situation is bleak. It seems that the provision your father made for you in his will is not legally binding. The small estate near Olney, and your financial settlement… he tells me you are penniless.”
Olivia felt the pounding in her temples growing stronger as she struggled to comprehend Jonathan’s words.
“I may be a baronet, but the income of our family estate is small, and the finances perilous. I love you Olivia, but I have to marry well.” He still looked away, running his fingers nervously through his sandy colored hair.
A sob broke from Olivia’s throat. A strangled, harrowing sob, which she could no longer contain. “No…. That cannot be!”
“I’m afraid it is the reality of life. I regret breaking the news today, but I remain convinced it would have been crueler to wait. If things were different then we would marry.”
He stood, calm and contained and then bowed to take his leave. The tiny toy spaniel jumped from its cushion and, sensing the emotion in the room, growled at the baronet.
“Farewell my dear, I wish you well.”
He turned on his heel and left her, not looking back.
Olivia’s world collapsed around her. She had lost her family, her fiancé, and it seemed her inheritance. Sobs wracked her body as Marguerite jumped onto the sofa and buried its head in the folds of her gown. Her hand reached down to ruffle its soft, long ears.
You need me little friend. Jocelyn needs me. I will be strong.
Outside the wind howled and the windowpane rattled. Gray clouds released icy rain, which struck the glass with force. The young woman on the sofa did not look up; lost in her memories, she wondered if this was how it felt when your heart was broken?
Chapter 1
Swanbourne Place, London
23rd September, 1816
Her quill pen darted across the page as Lady Olivia Sherwyn recorded her memories of another day. In this journal, she shared her inner thoughts about life at Swanbourne Place. Only on these secret pages could she pour out the emotional turmoil she felt about her changed circumstances.
She remembered describing the harsh days of the previous winter, when snow transformed the city, covering everywhere with a thick, icy blanket of sparkling white crystals. She remembered times when her fingers had been so cold it had been difficult to force them to form words on the page.
This house, which had once been warm and welcoming every day of the year, had become so cold that ice formed on the inside of the windowpanes. Her uncle only allowed fires during the day, in those rooms where he personally spent time. Olivia could bear frozen fingers, wrapping herself in a warm woolen shawl in her room. She knew that she could always find warmth in a corner of the kitchen by Cook's fire.
I can cope with the cold. No, it is the emotional emptiness I struggle to accept. If I could leave I would, but I can’t leaveJocelyn alone in this icehouse. I will never accept his cold, harsh attitude to life.
Olivia looked across her room at Marguerite, sitting on her cushion.You have more warmth, little friend, than my Uncle Harold. While my brother was alive, Swanbourne Place was a warm, loving family home.
She had learned to accept her uncle’s manner and not cross him. In the early days she had argued with him, but as earl, and her guardian, he always prevailed.
Olivia gazed out of the window across the skyline of the city of London. The tall spire of St. Mary Abbots church in Kensington stood proudly on the horizon. She drew in a breath, shuddering for a moment as she remembered a quiet country churchyard near the family estate in Bedfordshire, where she had said her farewells to her brother Frederick and his wife Mary.
How long before this pain of grief eases? I lost my family and my fiancé. Each day is marked with a scar of sorrow for their loss. I miss them, so very much.
She noticed the trees in the small park in the center of Swanbourne Place were changing into a blaze of autumn colors. The maple trees were bathed in shades of yellow ochre and burnt orange.
How beautiful. There is always something in the world to be grateful for,she thought to herself.
A memory of a walk through Green Park with Jonathan, the autumn before the tragedy, made her clutch the windowsill, and she felt the crisp frost crunching under her boots as they walked to look at the frozen lake. Jonathan had offered her his arm and tucked it neatly under his, as they made their way through the park, marveling at the colors of the trees. They shared so much in common.
I must stop this,she told herself sharply. She almost felt his cool lips kissing her forehead and the tip of her nose, and telling her that he loved her.
Jonathan, I still miss you. I miss our conversations and shared laughter.She looked down to see large dark eyes staring up at her. She reached down to stroke Marguerite between her ears and the dog began to lick her hand.Well, I know that you care,she laughed.No one is more loyal and affectionate.
