“Well, I suppose that I can afford to take my time now…there is no rush to marry. I can do to for love and not ambitious want of connection. I do not have to accept the offers posed to me…”
Richard agreed that it should always be her choice…and yet he was equally saddened by her words for a wholly different reason. “I fear that I have bungled this whole thing up irreparably.”
Catherine’s eyes lifted to his, but she did not smile.
“Taking a stand against my father is not a simple thing for me to do,” he attempted to explain, even with a weak start. “What I mean by that…I have tried and failed to oppose him many times before this.
I know that my reputation suggests that the apple did not fall very far from the tree, but his methods of acquiring wealth have never sat well with me. I know that I have phrased this all the wrong way, but what Imeantto get at was that I had hoped a union of our two houses would have been the first real, tangible move that I have ever managed to make against him.”
Catherine folded her arms across her chest. “It sounded like you were asking me to feed myself to the wolves. That you woulduseme. That is not the life that a girl imagines for herself.”
“I should not think so, no,” Richard offered with a weak smile. “I truly am deeply sorry for the pain that my father has inflicted upon you and your family.”
Catherine did not accept nor reject his apology. But merely gestured with her head that Richard ought to talk with her around their property for a moment. “If we linger much longer, my mother is going to get the wrong idea about our conversation. She should certainly know that I will not accept such a poorly planned proposal.”
“Did I mention that I was sorry?”
Catherine did smile then, a bit. “I know that my father made many mistakes, but I should consider myself most fortunate that he was not quite so cold-hearted as the duke. It must have been very difficult to have been raised by such a man.”
“He was not always this way,” Richard admitted softly.
“No?”
He shook his head as they rounded the corner of a copse of trees. He bent to pick up a small rock and began spinning it over and over in his hands while they strolled. “He was different when I was a child. I dare not say that he was warm, nor anything even close, but he was…different.”
“What do you think happened? I find it hard to believe that such a bloodlust does not develop overnight.”
“My mother died,” Richard admitted heavily.
“…oh, I am sorry…I did not mean…”
“It is all right. My mother was very devoted to my father. Despite their marriage being an arranged one—they made it work. I don’t think either of my parents were what anyone would consider openly affectionate, even behind the closed doors of our home…but I know that my father loved her deeply.
She passed while I was overseas traveling. Father did not bother to write me and tell me of the news so that I might return home for her funeral. Instead, I came home well after the fact to a sire whom I could hardly recognize.”
Catherine paused, and Richard halted long enough to give her a speculative look.
“That is horrible….truly deplorable…I am so—”
“Sorry? I know. It’s very tragic.” Richard smiled. “I try not to dwell on it too much…mother would have been very cross with me if she knew that I allowed myself to become emotional over such a thing. She could have called the whole matter of death and mourning trivial and a waste of time.
She liked to look to the future at all times. Always something bigger and better on the horizon. But my father no longer had the constant push forward, so he had to do it all himself…and he turned his ambition and loss into the man you see now. I suppose that the saying misery loves company is true.”
“Well, he is very accomplished at spreading his misery around,” Catherine agreed.
“I know it well.” Richard paused only long enough to toss the rock he had been fiddling with back into the trees. He waited until he heard it hit a tree trunk before continuing. “I do not tell you these things to gain your pity…but to help you understand that I have no intentions of becoming like my father. I have far too much anger in me as it is…I do not want to see it channeled into a mirror image of him.”
“Only you can control yourself,” Catherine answered.
“I want to show him that he cannot walk this world, doing whatever he pleases. I do not wish to be his pawn…and I should not have insinuated that you were one, either.
I only fear that if I do not do something now…something drastic, that I shall be at the mercy of his influence forever,” Richard admitted as they turned back toward the house, the impressive gardens to his left. It truly was remarkable that she had managed to cultivate such a stunning thing in such a short amount of time. She was truly impressive.
“Perhaps…we can come to a different sort of arrangement with one another?” Catherine offered as they moved toward the flowers.
Richard’s heart skipped a beat. He did not wish to get his hopes up too high, but he could not deny the appeal of not having to face all of this alone. “What did you have in mind?”
“I will not pretend to be so virtuous that I do not desire revenge for what he did to us. The corruption of my father was as much the result of outside influence as it was a reflection of weak moral character.” Catherine turned to face him with a devious smile that twisted her pretty features into something fearsome and alluring all at the same time.
