“I want you…but you are not mine,” he whispered, “…you are another’s.”
She peeled her eyes open and gazed into…burning green eyes. “…William?”
He began to fade away. “I love you…but you are not mine.”
She woke with a gasp and clutching her sheets. Her heart was racing, and her body was trembling. “William…”
William had been her lover. But the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. No man had touched her intimately before, and with the sensual kisses and touches William gave her, she realized that she craved it. Now, she wondered if her dreams were anywhere close to the real feeling.
Sitting up, Rachel let her mind wander; William was so much older, at least ten years. He had to be familiar with women, while she knew nothing about men. He had to know that his kiss was the first one she had ever felt and that his touch was delivered on virgin skin.
Her eyes landed on the still darkened curtains showing that dawn had not come yet. Was William awake already?
Does he think about me the way I dream of him?
She slipped from the bed, Rachel donned her dressing gown and went to the window. For as long as she could remember, she loved to see the sunrise, but moreover, she would love to see it in other places. Towns and cities or even countries far away from London.
Perched on a window seat, Rachel pulled her knees up to her chin and rested her arms over them. The sunrise was meaningful for her, especially in the last few years when her need to break away from the increasingly difficult life she lived. The rising sun meant new chances to find new things, but lately, the expectations of newness had begun to dim.
Until William had come into her life. His eccentricities showed her that nothing had to be as routine and colorless as her life was. William saw life in a way Rachel wished she could, one of vibrancy and vitality she could hardly imagine. And that too she craved.
What is it like to live with such clarity of life?
Grey began to lighten the horizon, and soon the landscape came into brighter definition. Then, William’s tousled head appeared, and she watched as he went to a bench, sat with his pad of papers on his knee, and his hand began to fly over it.
She wondered what he was drawing but knew he was warping what he saw with some symbolism of something else. A bird could be an angel, or a rose could be a forest of thorns.
Rachel wanted to sneak out and join him but held back. The times she had done so successfully without being discovered came to her with warm sensations in her heart, but she knew it was risky to keep chancing it.
“My Lady, you’re awake already?” Jane asked as she came into the room.
Dropping the drapes, Rachel climbed down from the seat. “Good morning, Jane. Are my parents asking for me?”
“Not that I am aware of, My Lady,” Jane said. “Shall I call for your water or bring up your breakfast?”
“Bath, please,” Rachel said. “I would like to speak with my parents about this engagement.”
After the bath and dressing, Rachel found her parents in her father’s study. “Mother, Father, may I speak with you?”
“Not now, daughter,” her mother waved her off dismissively. “We can speak later on.”
Her heart soured. “It is important, Mother.”
“I doubt it,” Lady Mary said contemptuously. “It will wait.”
“But—”
Her father lifted his head, “Rachel, we are discussing something especially important, and your mother has told you, twice, that we are not ready to speak with you. Go back to your room, and we will summon you when we are ready.”
Unable to feel anything but hollow, Rachel said a few parting words and went to her room but diverted to the gardens in case William was still there. The morning mist was still lingering over the grass and the perfume from the night flowers was sweet in the air.
“William?” she asked while nearing him.
His eyes lifted, and a smile flirted at his lips. “Good morning, sweetheart. How was your night?”
She hesitated on admitting the truth but decided since he was not going to be there much longer, how much would it hurt? “I dreamed of you.”
William’s brows disappeared in his hair. “Did you now? May I ask, what was I doing?”
