“I’m sorry for your loss.”
He nods and ducks his head, clearing his throat. “It happens.”
“I know.”
His head shoots up and those amber eyes of his lock on me like heat-seeking missiles. “I heard. I’m sorry for your loss.”
Sucking in a sharp breath, I nod my head at him, staring at the fog of my breath in the cold air. “Thank you.”
It’s automatic. I can’t stop the words even though I’m tired of saying them. Tired of thinking about it. It’s been three years and I’m sick to death of finding my head swimming with the loss over and over again.
“I’ve got to go.” I take off his coat and hand it back to him, turning to head indoors.
“Hey. Do you want to have coffee some time?”
“No, thank you. I really don’t have time.” And before he can say another word, I head inside, shutting the door and shutting out the man with the golden-brown eyes and the sexy, sinful smile.
I don’t have time for feelings anymore. I’m too old and too damn tired.
CHAPTER 3
Jaxon
“Hey, guys! What did I tell you? Make sure and keep your focus on your opponent at all times. It’s possible to know what’s going on around you while you keep your eyes on the guy who wants to kill you. It takes a little practice but it’s possible.”
All of the newbies nod their heads but I sigh. Most of them are getting it but there are always a few that think that they’re the karate kid or something.Wax on and wax offdoesn’t work for everything. No matter what your sensei says.
“Now. Get back up and face your opponents again. Keep your focus on that guy in front of you but remember to listen to what’s going on around you. If you’re in a firefight, you can’t figure that these guys are going to play fair and let you go one on one. You gotta figure that you might end up with some asshole trying to sneak up behind you to help his buddy out.”
More nodding and the kids all line up facing each other. With a loud whistle, the room erupts into combat. One move after another. I move between the groups, keeping my attention focused at all times on the movements around me.
Muted combat erupts in my head and bombs explode around me. Shouts and screams and chaos everywhere.
“Hey, man! You good?” Shaking myself like a dog shedding water I nod my head. A couple of my recruits eye me like I’m a bomb about to go off.
“Alright, everybody. That’s it for today! Get your asses out of here and make sure you practice this shit on your own! I’m not your mama so I won’t come to check on you but if you show up to your next class and I know,because I will, that you didn’t do a damn thing to get yourself in better shape with this stuff than we’re gonna have a problem. And it will be a you problem not a me problem.”
A few chuckles all around and then they’re slamming out of the room, loud and boisterous.
Damn, I feel old when I get around the new guys. I stalk out of the room, ignoring the hollers all around me.
I can’t believe I had another damn flashback in class. I thought I was done with that shit. I did the therapy route and I felt better but it seems like every damn year around this time it all creeps back in on me. Maybe it’s because of the snow all around. Maybe it’s the cold and the fact that I don’t get out as much so I’m not as tired when I get home. There’s too much time to think if I’m home. Too much time to second-guess every damn decision I ever made over the years. All my mistakes. All the disasters that I was involved in.
All the people I lost. Every bit of it choking me while I stood there. Choking me in my sleep, leaving me wondering if I could have changed it, done something different…better.
“I need a drink,” I mutter to myself.
But it’s too early and I’ve got another class this afternoon. For now…it’s time for a little treat for myself. My favorite coffee at Timberline Espresso. Anya’s drinks are the best and I’m a fiend for the caffeine. I need an espresso badly.
Fifteen minutes later I’m standing in line trying to keep my eyes from straying behind me. The huge windows have the bestview of the mountain peaks in town, I swear. It’s awe-inspiring. Especially on a clear day like today. I can see the frosted peaks of snow-capped mountains and the clouds that hang over the tops. The snow glistens in the weak sunlight like a shining link of diamonds.
The door opens and I draw in a sharp breath. In the bright light today, Aspen is ethereal. I’ve been searching out a little bit of intel about her but every little bit just makes me want to know more.
All those curves barely hidden under her adorable olive green peacoat with the hood with gray fur trim that outlines the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. Like a fine sculptor took a piece of pale marble and his hands made a masterpiece of the perfect woman, giving her high cheekbones, a dusting of freckles on her dainty little nose and almond-shaped eyes with dark, long lashes that flutter angrily at me every time she sees me.
Those eyes look up and she freezes, like she’s about to turn back around and head out the door before I see her.
Grinning, I lift my hand up and mouth, “hello!”
