He kicked a rock, sending it skittering into the woods. “Don’t do that again.”
“Do what?”
“Jump in front of my vaporizer. I could have killed you.”
“Would that matter?”
“Of course it would matter!” It mattered too much. If she died—worse, if he’d caused her death—he wouldn’t be able to stand it. While he’d never known happiness, he’d never experienced heartbreak, either, and he sensed her death would bring the latter. His chest ached to contemplate it. He’d taken to her the same way the dog had. Except the animal received soft words and affectionate touches. Of course, the animal hadn’t coerced her compliance. “If I’d wanted you dead, you’d already be dead,” he said.
“Instead, I’m your hostage. A prisoner of war.”
He kicked another rock. He should tell her the truth—he desired her company, but she was free to go. But if she realized she could walk away, she would. Would there ever come a time when she would stay with him willingly? “You shouldn’t think of it that way,” he said.
They didn’t take hostages or prisoners of war. POWs complicated a conquest, so they ensured there weren’t any.Do it once. Do it right.
“How else can I think of it?”
He’d done everything wrong—passed on three easy targets then eliminated an intelligence asset, failedagainto claim an easy kill then complicated his mission by coercing a “hostage” into accompanyinghim. And yet, somehow, misleading her felt like the greater sin.
“Things don’t always go the way we desire them to,” he said, thinking of the failed Earth campaign and the increasing likelihood he would never leave this planet.
“You can say that again,” she muttered.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
She halted. “What did you say to me?”
“I said I’m sorry.”
“You’re fuckingsorry? Sorry? For what? Annihilating an entirefucking population?” she shouted.
The dog yelped and slunk away, ears flattened, tail tucked between its legs.
“You murdered my parents, my brother and sister, and my boyfriend. Everyone I worked with. My clients. You turned human against human. You destroyed my future! I’ll never be a veterinarian; I’ll never get married and have babies. Until you can give me what you stole from me, you keep your fucking apology!”
She noticed the dog cowering. “And you made me scare Kevin!” She crept toward the shivering animal. “I’m sorry, Kevin. I’m sorry, sweetie,” she said in a low voice. “I wasn’t yelling at you. I won’t yell anymore.”The dog wiggled and licked her face, and she hugged him.
“You’re free to go,” he said.
Her head shot up. “What?”
“You’re free to go. You can return to the house where we met, go on to the next town, go wherever. I won’t keep you with me. I won’t follow you.” He felt unbearably sad. Sad for what his people had done, for his role in it, for hurting her further, for losing her.
She stood up. “As soon as I turn my back, you’ll vaporize me.”
“No.” He removed his holster and handed it to her. “Here.”
Her jaw dropped comically, but he was too dispirited to find it amusing. She said she’d lost everything—and she had. He felt the same way. He would never get to know her, would never see her smile or hear her laugh. He’d never again inhale her special soothing scent.
Never go home. Never find Grav. Only a fool would believe he could still be alive.
She crept toward him like she expected a trick and then grabbed the weapon.
“You should be aware you can’t fire it,” he warned. “It’s coded specifically to my genetics. It won’t work foryou.” He imagined her confronting another Progg and discovering too late the weapon didn’t work.
“Then why give it to me?”
“So, you’ll believe I mean what I say.”
