Everything I thought, back when I first got out of that room, I’d been proven wrong time and time again. I hated my dad for so long, spent so much time blaming him for everything, when all along I should’ve placed my hatred toward another personinstead. The only saving grace here was that my dad didn’t know the extent of my hatred for him during that time.
How wrong I was. How utterly, disgustingly wrong. I’d spend the rest of my life regretting it.
“He won’t be forgotten, though,” I said, addressing the crowd in the church. “He lives on in me, in you, in all of us.” I took my notecards and left the podium, stopping momentarily before the casket, where I placed a hand flat against the dark wood. I whispered, “I miss you.” And then, I held my head up high while I returned to my seat next to Mike and the priest took to the podium.
Mike placed a comforting hand on my lap, engulfing my hands with his. His warmth flowed through me, and I knew he was gazing steadily at me, but I was too tired. Too fixated on that casket, to return the loving support.
I didn’t know where I’d be without the men in the pew beside me. My life would be so different. Heck, I probably wouldn’t have a life. Maybe, without them, Tessa would’ve gotten what she wanted.
Tessa. I purposefully didn’t mention her, and if the press asked, I would tell them she needed her privacy. That’s all. And because the world never stopped turning, new things never stopped happening, the city would indeed move on without her, and all the while she’d be in that room, slowly losing her mind.
And I’d be able to log in to see her descent into madness whenever I wanted. Revenge certainly was sweet when you played it right. A quick death would’ve given me the satisfaction in the moment, but not as eternally as something like this.
The priest started talking again, speaking about my dad and how God was currently welcoming him into his kingdom, but I tuned him out. I didn’t know if I believed in an almighty power—there were so many terrible things that happened in this world, so many awful things, you’d think, if there was an almighty Godup there, he’d do everything in his power to stop said things from ever happening.
Cancer in children. Assassinations. Rape. The list went on and on. This world… it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. There were just as many bad people in it as there were good people. Lately, I’d started to wonder if the bad outnumbered the good. Good people were few and far between.
But if believing made people feel better, then I wouldn’t stop them. Everyone was free to believe whatever they wanted. If my dad was in some warm, bright, loving kingdom, well, I supposed there were worse things to think.
I was no good person. If my dad was up there somewhere, I knew I’d never see him again. Maybe I wasn’t as maliciously deranged as Lola, but my hands were not clean, nor was my mind. I’d never be what anyone would consider a good person—and I didn’t want to be.
I was me. I was Laina Hawkins. I was who I was meant to be. Throughout all this shit, I’d found myself, and I didn’t plan on letting her go any time soon.
Sitting there, in the packed church, I knew it in my heart. It was something I’d thought about a lot ever since finding my dad’s body, something that wasn’t easy for me to wrestle with, not after becoming fast friends with Lola, not after getting into a relationship with multiple guys—two of which had ties to this city and the people in it.
I couldn’t stay here. I had to leave this city, leave it behind, start somewhere new, somewhere fresh. Somewhere no one would know who I was. It’d be a while; I’d have to empty our house and sell it, not to mention make sure all of my dad’s assets went to me and not Tessa, but I was confident if I needed help with that, Lola or Sylvester would have some strings they could pull for me.
It wouldn’t happen overnight, but my ultimate goal was to leave this city in the rearview mirror. I didn’t know where I’d go, but it was a big country out there, with so many possibilities within reach.
Fang had his workshop and his brother nearby, but I was confident he’d come with me if I asked. Kieran would obviously abandon anything for me. Mike was the one I was most unsure of, because not only did he have his brother here, but he also had worked for the Lucianos damn near his entire life, following in the footsteps of his parents. Lola could probably sweettalk Sylvester into letting him go, but whether or not Mike would agree to it on his own was up in the air.
I hoped he would. I didn’t want to leave him behind.
And Jason… things were too new there. I still had to find out if we had what it took to go far. Personally, I was up for the challenge, but I guessed you never knew. Things could always change.
Change. So much in my life had changed the past two years. With this blond wig on, I might’ve looked like the same girl I used to be, but I wasn’t. This blond hair was just my mask, much like Kieran’s devil mask. It was what the world wanted to see, and once I left this city behind, I wouldn’t have to worry about it. I could be myself out there, not have to worry about disappointing anyone or making anyone look bad.
I never liked change. I’d always been resistant to it, but if there was one thing I’d learned recently, it was change wasn’t automatically bad. Sometimes change could be good, sometimes it was necessary. Sometimes, in order to grow, you had to adapt.
I didn’t know what the future held for us, but I was ready to find out.
Chapter Twenty-Eight – Jason
It’d been five days since the funeral. Some high-profile bank CEO had been shot on the corner of one of the busiest intersections in the city that next Monday, so the local news had something else to focus on other than the recently-murdered mayor—all efforts were still supposedly being spent trying to find out who exactly had pulled the trigger and killed him.
They wouldn’t find anything, of course. The police were clearly either incompetent or dirty; there was no in-between in this city. I wanted to say it was different back in Montana, but I didn’t know that I could. If you had money, no matter where you were or what you did, you could always get someone to look the other way.
Today, I was expecting company, so I made sure to tidy everything up. I’d been keeping things relatively clean to begin with since this was a rental house, so it wasn’t all too hard. When it came to Laina, I’d let her take the reins. Pushing her wasn’t something I ever wanted to do, let alone push her when she was still dealing with grief over her father.
I never met the man, but he sounded like a good one. There weren’t too many of those left. It was a pity Tessa had done what she did—and now she was paying the price. I’d kept my nose out of it, as difficult as it had been, mostly because I did not want a hand in whatever it was.
Kieran was still moody and ridiculous when he was around, but I think he was starting to realize I wasn’t going to be cowed by his antics, and neither was Laina. That girl… she definitely got what she wanted, always, and strangely enough, she wanted me.
There were a million and one reasons why I should never have entertained her or her little crush on me, but there was something about her that made me strangely weak. Like I’d lether do whatever she wanted, take whatever she wanted, and I’d be more than content about it.
Who knew? Maybe she’d get tired of me. Maybe, after a while, she’d want to wash her hands of me and kick me to the curb. I didn’t know how these things worked; a relationship like this was atypical to say the least, even if it appeared more normal around here. That Lola woman had a crew of boyfriends too, and it sounded as if Fang’s brother shared his with a few guys as well.
I’d say I was too old for this, but I’d be lying if I also said it wasn’t weirdly thrilling.
