That knife traveled down to my chest, and when its tip reached its destination, Tessa lifted it high in the air. Both her hands circled the handle as a disgusting glimmer of glee filled her eyes. Without another word, she brought that knife down, driving it straight through my chest and impaling my heart.
She killed me.
She killed me, and then I woke up with a start and a ridiculously fast-beating heart.
Honestly, I was surprised at myself for falling asleep in the first place. If you looked at things with an optimistic perspective, I should be grateful I got some sleep. Some was better than none. But, I was me, so the view of an optimist was one I’d never have.
Mike was beside me in the bed, sleeping soundly. I could roll over and cuddle into him, close my eyes and try to get more sleep, but with how fast my heart was beating, I didn’t think sleep would find me again tonight, at least not for a little while.
Fang and Kieran were on the floor. Mattresses were brought in from other rooms after we’d decided to stay here until this shit was settled. They slept on separate beds, obviously. Turned out, when you had a huge house like this and so many boyfriends, you had a lot of extra bedrooms set up.
I didn’t know what I’d do without Lola. I’d feel so lost, so much more lost than I already was. Even though it was Sunday night—meaning just about a day and a half had passed since I’d come home and found my dad’s body—it was still so raw, so fresh. The wound would take a long time to heal.
I had no experience with things like this. I didn’t know how long it’d be until things felt normal again. Hell, maybe normal would never be something I was ever again.
I decided to get up for a while. Maybe go watch TV downstairs. Maybe putting something mindless on would put me to sleep. When I was in that basement, once Kieran brought me a TV, I had that thing on constantly. The dull volume of whatever was broadcasting helped lull me to sleep on countless nights.
My temporary room was a minefield, however. Mike was in my bed, so the first difficult thing was slipping out of the bed without waking him. The next hardest thing was finding my way to the door without stepping on or nudging either of themattresses the others were on. None of them were snoring, but I did hear even breaths, which meant they were not as plagued by nightmares as I was.
And why would they be? My nightmare fuel was just that: mine, and I had the feeling it would remain mine until the day I died, whenever that was.
Tiptoeing through the dark room, I carefully made it to the door. Thankfully, the door did not creak when I opened it, so I was able to slip out without making a sound. The hallway was dark, perhaps even darker than the bedroom. Not a single light was on, and I didn’t dare flip on the hallway light, lest I risk waking the others up. No, instead, I used my hand to guide me, running my fingertips along the wall as I walked in the direction of the staircase.
Even now, I still felt like I wasn’t fully here, like someone else was in control of me. Was this what disassociation was? It was such a strange feeling, one I couldn’t really describe, and I didn’t know how long it would be until that feeling was completely gone.
What if it never left? What if this was how I felt all the time, for the rest of my life? A pitiful life that would turn out to be.
Hell, maybe I wouldn’t even make it out of this city. It was pretty damn clear to me it would be either Tessa or me. One of us had to die. This world wasn’t big enough for the two of us. I had so many people who cared about me, sure, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. I could still lose.
I made it downstairs right as I had that depressing thought, and I slowed to a halt as I imagined everything Tessa had tried to do. She wanted me to lay down like a dog and show her my belly? No. I wouldn’t. I’d be all teeth and claws until the end.
Fuck Tessa. Fuck everything she wanted. Fuck everything she thought she’d get by doing this. If I went down, I’d take that bitch down with me.
My feet took me down the main hall to the living room. The closer I got to it, the more I recognized the fact that someone else was up and watching TV. Clearly, someone had the same idea as me. Maybe they couldn’t sleep, either.
When I made it to the living room and saw the person sitting on the couch, I knew exactly who it was. Even with nothing but the light from the TV screen shining in the room, I was able to discern the hue of that thick silver hair.
Only one man in this house with a head of hair like that, and frankly? He wore it well. Before him, the term silver fox never had a meaning. I never understood how a man could be a sexy silver fox, but I got it now. Oh, yeah, I understood it perfectly.
I walked around the back of the couch, causing Jason’s head to turn in my direction. As I went to sit on the couch a good two feet away from him, I tucked my legs under my butt and whispered, “What are you doing up?” Everyone else was asleep upstairs; I didn’t have to whisper. The volume of the TV was low, though, so whispering felt right.
He was leaning back on the couch, his arms lifted on the cushions behind him, his knees spread wide. “It’s hard for me to sleep most nights. I usually fall asleep listening to the TV, but the room I’m in here doesn’t have one.”
“Did you sleep down here last night?”
“No. I stayed down here for a while, then made my way up. Didn’t want anyone to think I’m scheming or anything.”
“I don’t think they would.”
“I’m new. I’m unfamiliar. I wouldn’t blame them if they did.”
He was watching some old TV show, I didn’t know what it was. I supposed it had to be old to be on at this hour, whenever the hell it was. But my attention was solely focused on him, not the TV, when I said, “You’re… different than everyone I’ve met in the city.”
He smirked softly at me. “I ain’t a city man, that’s why.”
“What are you, then?” I knew where he lived now, knew what he did, knew he wasn’t exactly a shining example of a law-abiding citizen, and yet… there was still a lot I didn’t know about him. Not going to lie, I was curious, so curious it hurt—plus it made a good distraction from everything.
“I’m someone who likes a bit more space between me and my neighbors. In fact, if I can’t even see my neighbor’s house, then that’s what I call fucking perfect.”
