“Been retired for four years, though. Sometimes I can’t help but think about what I’ll leave behind.”
“Just look around.”
He smiled again, reaching out to pick up my hand. “A lot of it is thanks to you.”
His praise made me blush harder. “I had absolutely nothing to do with Vicki and Gio.”
“Okay, then some of it is thanks to me.”
I laughed. “There’s that ego I’m used to.”
“If it weren't for your forgiveness, I wouldn’t have my grandson. Hell, we wouldn't have you in our lives, for that matter.”
Some nights, I still had the same nightmare from my childhood, with one caveat: I always saw the baby-faced killer standing on the dark side of the road, scared shitless but determined to do his duty. I wasn't stupid enough to think Noah would never pull a trigger again in his life, but I hoped he would only take that action if it was absolutely necessary. Sadly, Benito had thought he was protecting his family by killing mine, and none of them knew at the time that it was all an elaborate plot set up by my own flesh and blood.
I’d made my peace with the past, and it no longer haunted me, but I would never forget what happened. Though they weren’t perfect, my parents had been the good people I remembered. Bits and pieces of them had come back to me over the years, only now I embraced those memories instead of being traumatized by them.
And I’d made a new family, which I was careful to protect with all my heart.
Noah was used to being in charge, so it took some time for us to find a rhythm where he was better at being a partner than a boss. In our first year of marriage, we’d butted heads more times than I wanted to admit. He would drop an order on me, andI’d immediately push back, sparking a heated shouting match. Neither of us were particularly willing to back down.
It was actually Gio who’d saved us one day, stepping in when we let loose in front of him. He’d pointed out that Noah spoke to me the same way he spoke to him, and how that was no way to treat your wife. For a moment, I thought Noah would punch Gio in the mouth, but instead, he looked at me and apologized.
And when I got pregnant, I was suddenly the Madonna incarnate. I could do no wrong, could do nothing, really, with Noah waiting on me hand and foot. It was enlightening to see him so devoted to me and our growing family.
“I’m so happy, Benito, that sometimes I think I don’t deserve it.”
Reaching over, he covered my hand with his. “Of course you do. Take it from an old gangster; we all have our flaws, but we’ll answer to God for our sins in the end. In this lifetime, we take what we’re given and we hold it tightly.”
His words reminded me of the way my mother would have me recite the rosary and ask for forgiveness. I didn't believe as wholeheartedly in God as my Catholic father-in-law or my parents, but I did believe in Karma. I’d done my best to balance all the bad energy in the world by saving lives and putting that good energy back in its place. Maybe that was the same as Benito’s beliefs, maybe it wasn’t.
“I’m just scared it will all be taken away from me in the blink of an eye. Kind of like when my parents died and everything in my life changed.”
“You might be surprised to hear that your husband has said the same thing to me.”
With a deep frown, I glanced over at him and back to Benito. “Noah thinks I’ll leave him?”
“No.” He was quick to shake his head. “He worries God will punish him by taking you and Ethan from him. He thinks he’s evil and doesn't deserve you or any spark of happiness.”
I swallowed heavily. “And what did you tell him?”
“The same thing I told you. God’s vengeance isn’t for the corporeal world; it’s for the afterlife. But, over it all, he gives the grace of forgiveness. Otherwise, we’d all languish in Hell.”
“But you don’t figure we get what we deserve in life?”
“Hell, no, or I’d never have found my wife or had my lovely children. I’d be a bachelor living out his days alone. Or I’d be dead by now. Instead, a beautiful angel saved my life.”
That was a sore subject between us, and he knew it. “Modern medicine saved your life. I left you nearly immobile.”
“That’s pure bullshit,” he snapped, and I was a little shocked by the conviction in his voice. “It was the bullet that took my strength, but your talent saved my ass.”
We’d talked about his health and his care over the past years, but I’d known at the time that no matter what, I absolutely had to keep him alive for Noah’s sake. I’d acted on instinct, not thinking about my actions but simply doing them as I’d learned.
“Thanks to you, I’m able to play with my granddaughter, albeit not as tirelessly as her. I can hold my grandson, I can hug my daughters when the whim strikes, and I breathe in and out every goddamn day, waking every morning with gratitude in my heart.”
Tears pricked at my eyelids. I didn't consider myself anyone’s savior, but that was how Benito made me feel. “I’m the one who’s grateful.”
“We all feel that way.”
