She came to a stop outside the elevators. “You’ll be able to see Benito soon. He won’t be the same man you knew, but his mind will still be as sharp as ever.”
Looking into her eyes, the way they matched the blue of her scrubs, I felt the same love in my heart I had before everything blew up. Nothing had changed other than my perception of her.I’d thought she was pristine, innocent, and pure, but she was more like me than she would likely want to admit.
“I spent weeks crying over you, and then I tried to move on. We need to move on.” Mashing the button again, she crossed her arms over her chest.
“Where would you move on to? Have you got other men waiting in the wings?”
I’d meant it as a jest, but she didn’t take it that way. “Of course not,” she snapped. “I’m alone, as always.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to agree with her. She was done with me, clearly, and ready to be alone instead of loving a monster like me. But when the elevator car arrived and she was about to disappear from my sight, I realized I couldn't let her go so easily.
Stepping on with her, I folded my hands together and stood on the opposite side. “What if I disagree?”
Her shoulders hunched in defense. “With what part?”
“All of it.” Deciding that being tough wasn't worth it if it made us both miserable, I closed the distance between us—both physical and emotional—and gathered her in my arms. “What if I don’t want you to always be alone?”
Her arms remained by her sides, and she wouldn't look me in the eyes. “You don’t care about that.”
“Not true.”
“You have every right to be angry with me; to hate me. I felt how stiffly you stood there after saving me, Noah.”
“Only because I was shocked you wanted to hug me at all.” Leaning down, I whispered in her ear. “You also have every right to hate me for what I did.”
Gasping, she jerked her head back to stare at me.
“I can apologize every day for the rest of my life, but I can’t change the actions of an eighteen-year-old following orders. I can’t promise I won’t be the same man I’ve always been, scarsand all, or that I won’t ever make mistakes. Nothing’s going to wash away my sins. I fully expect to be judged accordingly in the afterlife.”
Blinking rapidly, Sailor pushed against my chest. “Does that mean I have to apologize every day, too?”
I felt a modicum of relief. Maybe she was coming around to my side of things. “Only if you want to.”
Scrubbing at her eyes as tears sprang up, she said, “For most of my life, I’ve tried to put the past where it belonged. I couldn't let it go, and it shaped me. Maybe it misshaped me, I don’t know. I’m fucked up, Noah, and you’re about to have a whole lot more on your plate than you know.”
I frowned. “How bad is he?”
She shook her head, pushing falling hair behind her ears. “I don’t think he’ll regain his strength, even with physical therapy. The bullet damaged major arteries, took out a chunk of his left lung, and barely missed his heart.”
Her words cut straight through me. I’d been too focused on the fact that he survived to soak up the truth of the matter. “I’ll have to take over.”
Would that spell the end for us, then? Would she rather live by herself forever instead of marrying a mobster? Would my groveling ever be enough to atone for what I took from her?
“Will it be such a big change from what you’ve already been doing?” she asked. “I was positive you were the one in charge when I first met you.”
Rubbing my temples, I gave in to the temptation to hold her. Instead of resisting, Sailor rested her head on my chest and sighed.
“You saved me,” I said, “from being a coldhearted bastard who only cared about the business. So, yes, it will be different. Because of you.”
“I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine, but no more secrets.” Lifting her head, she added, “No matter how ugly the truth, we say it intentionally.”
The elevator dinged, and the door opened. Out of my periphery, I saw a handful of her coworkers standing there, but I ignored them to cup her cheek. “I love you, Dr. Wentworth.”
“I’d rather be Dr. Costa.”
“I can make that happen,” I murmured as I kissed her.
And the doors slid closed again, shutting us off from the rest of the world.
