“You could go back to sleep,” I whispered, tracing the outline of his cock beneath his boxer briefs.
“Not a chance.”
He lifted his hips, and I slid his underwear free so I could do what I wanted. So far, he hadn't asked me for this, but I’d thought about it a few times. Closing my hand fully around his shaft, I bent my head to swirl my tongue over the head. He sucked air through his teeth, his legs moving restlessly between us. With a bit of hesitation, I opened my mouth and sank over him, feeling him swell as I did.
Noah cursed, and I smiled to myself. Every sound from him made my lust go higher, and I swallowed him deeper. Backing off when I gagged, I swallowed and sank back over him, hoping I was doing it right.
“God, Sailor, please come here.”
He reached for me, and I went willingly. Instead of the gentleness I expected from a man half asleep, he shoved me to my back and impaled me, holding his arms rigidly beside me as he thrust deeper and deeper, until I felt the bed shaking and my heart galloping in rhythm. His muscles strained with the effort to hold himself up, and I clutched his shoulders until my fingernails dug into his skin. Noah moved frantically, and I encouraged each silky slide of his cock inside my body as the coil built.
When I came, I let myself be loud. I truly let go, calling out loudly so he would always know what he did to me. I panted his name as he kept going, as my orgasm tried to settle, but he was still pumping. His hips faltered, and he leaned down to rest hisforehead on mine when he came. Finally, he lowered his weight on top of me, and I welcomed the solid feel of it.
He pushed my sweaty hair off my face, kissing my forehead, my mouth, my chin. “For something you’ve never done before, that was mind-boggling.”
I nearly giggled before I stopped myself. “Good.”
Resting beside me, Noah pulled me close as he tried to catch his breath. “What made you want to do that in the middle of the night?”
“We haven't done it yet.” Shrugging, I said, “And I was awake, looking at your handsome face as you slept peacefully in my bed.”
“Whatever your reasoning, I’m thankful for it.”
Tracing my fingers over his chest, I listened to the sound of his heartbeat and tried to memorize it. I didn't think I had to use sex to keep him by my side, but the need to reconnect to him had been overwhelming.
Squirming out of his arms, I got up and went to the bathroom, taking off the mess he’d made of my panties. My face was still flushed, my hair a chaotic mess. My heart had settled, both from the erratic pumping and from the uncertainty of our future.
When I returned to bed, Noah was sitting up, doing something on his phone. He looked up as I approached, setting his phone on my nightstand and smiling at me.
“Only sweet dreams tonight.”
Biting my lip, I considered telling him about my most recent nightmare. Unfortunately, it painted him in a horrible light, and that didn't feel fair. Noah would never aim a gun at me, much less pull the trigger. He wasn't a monster.
“I’ll do my best,” I responded, climbing up beside him.
I leaned back against his chest, and he scooted down until we were curled up together. Closing my eyes, I tried to think happy thoughts so I would only dream of the good things.
It must have worked, because I saw a big house with an enormous yard, children running barefoot through the grass, and a puppy tumbling along beside them. A little boy with Noah’s dark hair and eyes smiled up at me, and my soul felt complete. The girl, who could be my identical twin, raced up to us and threw her arms around my legs. The dog barked, jumping around our feet and falling over to expose its belly. As I crouched to pet it, Noah came out the back door with platters of food in his hands.
An idyllic future, one I’d be fortunate to have. Clear skies, smiling faces, and so much love in my heart it overflowed.
Why, then, did I awake with my stomach in my throat, nausea rolling over me? Was it because I knew I’d never see that future in real time, but only in my dreams? Such beauty wasn't meant for people like me and Noah, a fact I had to reconcile with my brain. We might get a tenth of that image, or we might get nothing.
Either way, I’d have to learn to live with what I was given.
Chapter Twenty-four
Noah
When the morning came and Sailor had to go to work, I couldn't get out of her apartment fast enough. Telling her lie after lie just to get through the night was making me sick to my stomach. My father was right when he said I had to make her think nothing had changed, but it was even more challenging than I expected. Smiling, keeping a blank mask on my face, kissing her goodbye, and promising to see her later had never felt so forced before.
Finally dragging my tired ass through the hotel room door, I went immediately to the shower to wash off the night, hoping the hot water could also somehow wash away my deceit. How many times could I tell the woman I loved that I knew nothing of that night before it ripped my soul into pieces? And when it destroyed me from the inside out, what would she be left with? A shell of a man, a fraud, who mistakenly thought love would be enough to conquer all.
As I got dressed, a text came through, and I swallowed thickly before opening it. Only it wasn't Sailor, it was my realtor. She’d found us the perfect house, and wanted to know when she could schedule a viewing. The pictures showed exceptional security, a nice lawn, a stone facade, a large fireplace, and a chef’s kitchen. Neither of us knew how to cook anything extraordinary, but it would be helpful to have the storage and space we needed to try. The five bedrooms made me swallowhard, knowing Sailor would want to have children to fill those rooms.
Did a murderer deserve children?
My empty stomach nearly revolted, but I breathed carefully until the feeling passed.
