“I don't think I will.” I kept walking across the parking lot, but my hands shook as I attempted to open my car door and put my groceries inside.
Patricia grabbed a handful of bags, throwing them in my back seat as she spoke. “It’s either the relative privacy of my vehicle or out here in the middle of the parking lot for all to hear.”
With a stone building in my gut, I closed the door and followed her to her black SUV. She opened the passenger door for me, and I reluctantly sat down. When she slammed her door, my throat went dry.
“What is this bullshit you told David? We have a deal.”
“And I’m backing out of that deal,” I said in a thin voice.
“You can’t honestly be stupid enough to believe he actually loves you. He’s only using you.”
My heart twisted. Did she think I hadn't already considered that? “He doesn't know anything about me, so how would he be using me?”
“The same way men use women all the time. All he has to do is give you orgasms, buy you things, and tell you how pretty you are. Then bam”—she clapped her hands together—“you’re under his spell.”
My cheeks flamed as she described Noah fairly accurately. “Again, for what purpose?”
She turned angry eyes on me. “To make you his lap dog, dumbass. If you marry him, you automatically begin covering for him, lying to be his alibi after another hit job.”
“You’re delusional.” I reached for the door handle. “I wouldn't lie for him, and I don’t condone murder.”
“I will arrest you.” Her harsh words made me stop in my tracks. “I’ll charge you with obstructing a federal investigation.”
“I haven't obstructed a goddamn thing. I told you what I learned; it’s not my fault you aren’t good at your job.”
“I need this family taken down for good,” she snapped. “And you were supposed to be the lynch pin to make that happen.”
“Too bad. Don’t approach me ever again, and stop fucking surveilling me. That goes for you, the marshal, and any present or future agents who think they can use my tragedy to manipulate me.”
Though my legs felt like jelly, I climbed out of her car and walked over to mine. But when I got inside and locked the doors, I found it difficult to move another inch. I had to force back the threat of overwhelming tears before I could turn the ignition, driving home carefully over the fear that I’d get in a wreck.
The security alarm beeped at me as I entered, a newly comforting sound that made me feel safe. As I put my groceries on the counter, I snorted. Was there any such thing as safe for me anymore?
The important thing was that I was done. I was no longer a mole. I wasn't snitching on the man I loved and the father figure I’d never known how badly I needed before. I could safely move on with all the promises the men were making to me.
And I wanted them with everything inside me. I wanted a husband, a sister, a father. I wanted a house to fill with children, though it had never occurred to me before that they were important to me. With Noah, all the little things were important.
But the agent’s words replayed in my head. Could they arrest me? Was she just mad, or was she right? Obviously, I’d fucked up their investigation by not helping enough. All things considered, that didn't upset me.
With a sigh, I texted Berkshire again. I couldn't begin seeing him as an ally, but he was my only resource on this subject.
I’d put all my groceries away before he responded. No, Agent Lauder had nothing on me. She was just a mad bitch.
I had to laugh at that. He and I saw the same things in her then.
With the stress over for the time being, I recalled the beautiful new restaurant Noah had taken me to the night before. The lingerie felt unusual under my dress, but I got used to it quickly. It was really rather soft; I just wasn't accustomed to wearing anything remotely similar. We had a lovely meal, talkedabout everything and nothing, and then we went back to his suite.
I had such a thrill taking off my dress for him. Showing him the pale blue set made of silk and lace made him feral. I never knew I had that kind of power over someone, and it made me feel heady as he shoved me against the bedroom door, hastily unzipping his pants before thrusting inside me.
“You drive me wild,” he groaned in my ear.
All I could do was hold onto him, feeling the way my body responded to his. He kept me locked in place, pressed solidly to the door, until we both came.
He ran his finger over the strap on my shoulder. “I'm going to buy entire stores’ worth of this shit, as long as I get to see it on you.”
“And I’m going to let you.”
Running my hand up to cup my throat, I thought about the way he could be sweet or savage, depending on how he was feeling. One minute he was fucking me raw, and then we were cuddling in bed, sleeping soundly in each other's arms. That was the type of moment I'd longed for my entire adult life, knowing I wouldn't experience it like a normal person would. But, somehow, the intimidating mafia don Noah Costa was soft and vulnerable with me.
