“Tonight at the skating rink proved that I am. When I fail at something, it wrecks my ego.”
“I don't expect you to be perfect. God knows I’m not.”
I couldn't help worrying about the life I was leading her into. She’d end up with a target on her back. Other families, police,the feds, someone would always be breathing down her neck if she chose to be with me.
But, for the moment, I couldn't let that stop me. Not when I’d found everything I’d been looking for.
“I’ve never said the words to anyone who wasn't related to me, but I love you,” I said quietly. “Even though it scares me.”
“I . . . I love you too, Noah.”
“Then that’s all that matters.”
I’d have to work at convincing myself of that, because it felt more like I’d just ruined her life.
Chapter Nineteen
Sailor
I wasn't sure if Noah would spend the night, but he did. Not only that, but he held me close as we slept, and I managed not to have a nightmare. That was pretty rare and proved that his presence made me feel safe and secure.
But that only served to remind me that he would eventually realize something wasn’t quite right with the accident. I’d told him we were all in the car together and that my parents didn't survive, but I’d never told him about my pseudonym or that they were shot. That conversation would only bring up questions I wasn't able to answer. Mostly because I had no answers to give, and now I never would. It was hard to reconcile my happiness with the utter letdown of knowing I was losing my only chance to discover the truth about what happened. But for the day, at least, I was determined to focus on Noah.
After we’d eaten breakfast, he was getting dressed to leave. I had to be at work within the hour, or I’d be more than happy to go back to bed with him.
“Can I take you out to lunch later? Is that something that’s even possible?”
Watching his nakedness slowly disappear beneath his clothing, I replied, “I have a gap between surgeries at eleven, but there’s no guarantee I won’t get stuck in the operating room.”
“We can try, though, right? If it falls through, I’ll bring you something to eat."
“I would like that.” Pulling him close, I smoothed the front of his shirt. “Now, kiss me goodbye so I can get a shower before heading to work.”
Grabbing two handfuls of my ass, he bent his head as he spoke. “Too bad I can’t join you.”
When his lips found mine, it was all I could do not to mount him right then and there. He kept his tongue in his mouth, which was disappointing but for the best.
“As much fun as that would be, I can’t be late.”
“That’s okay. There’s always tonight.”
Giddy at the idea, I grinned. “Hopefully, I’ll see you at eleven.”
“I’ll be there, even if I have to wait for you.”
I watched him walk out the door, then set the security system before I went to shower. Afterward, I wound my hair into my customary bun, sticking the bobby pins in it and staring at my reflection. I looked different. Rather than my usual stern expression, my mouth had softened. After a good night’s sleep, the circles under my eyes had vanished, leaving me looking younger.
I knew it was most likely the endorphins from sex, but I didn't care. I didn't want to attribute it to something scientific, instead choosing to pin it on the words Noah had spoken last night.
He loved me, and he’d never said it to another nonrelative.
For once in my life, I was special to someone.
Ruthlessly pushing down the memories of my parents, I left for work with hope in my heart.
My first surgery was successful, but as soon as I cleaned up and headed to my office to write up a few notes, I spotted Patricia Lauder in the hallway.
“I can’t talk to you while I’m at work,” I reminded her.
