He patted my arms and back. “Where? There’s no blood, Sailor.”
“Not Sailor. I’m not good enough to fix it.”
“Fix what?”
“They’re dead because of me.”
“Sailor, snap out of it. It was just a dream.” As I babbled, he shook me. “Dr. Wentworth!"
My name filtered through the haze, and I looked up at his face in a panic. “What?” Sucking in a deep breath, I felt my eyes go wide. “What did I just say?”
“Who's dead because of you?”
My heart raced. “Sometimes I'm still stuck—there was nothing I could do—” I sucked back my stuttering words, takinga second to order my chaotic thoughts. “When I lose a patient, it hits me hard.”
“You haven't lost anyone. Dad is just fine.”
“It was a recent patient, who I lost from a pulmonary embolism.” Gulping in air, I tried to continue with my half-truth. “Mr. Miller bled out on the operating table.”
Noah ran the backs of his fingers across my cheekbone, and his proximity muddled my already bewildered brain. My breathing slowed, and I realized he sat very close to me on the bed.
“This is the second time you've picked me up,” I said softly.
“You were unconscious the last time.”
“So your dad said.”
Our eyes locked, warmth overtaking his gaze. His breath fanned out over my face as he leaned in, and I realized his fingers hadn't stopped caressing me.
Though my lips tingled in anticipation, I said, “Please don't.”
He reared back, standing so quickly I nearly tumbled forward.
My whole body trembling, I rushed to apologize. “I’m flattered, Noah, but—”
“I’m not good,” he interrupted. “You’re the most ethical person I know, and I’m the exact opposite.”
Helplessly, I watched him walk out the door. On shaky legs, I rose and followed him, making sure I flipped the dead bolt this time.
If I weren't spying on his family, would we ever be compatible? I was a surgeon who had no life outside the hospital, and he was a criminal. At the very least, I knew he bought and sold weapons to the Chinese. He should be in prison, and part of my agreement was to help put him there. If he and the other men in their organization were put away, they couldn't hurt anybody else. I’d be saving lives in a different manner.
So why did the thought cause me so much agony? More than once in the past handful of days, my heart had been laid wide open, and Noah was right there to witness it each time. What came out of the deepest recesses wasn't pleasant; I was always so deep in my head that I couldn't let anyone in, no matter how hard they knocked. But just the once, I’d wanted him to do whatever he was thinking, whether it was only to kiss me or if he planned to spread me out on the bed and take what he wanted. In my weakest moment, I’d envisioned having everything with a man who was untouchable.
And that was a very dangerous line of thinking.
Chapter Ten
Noah
From regret to shame, my feelings had run the gamut. I had no business getting close to Dr. Wentworth, and it was as much for her good as my own. She wasn’t suited to my lifestyle, she was innocent, and she had too much on her plate to add my shit to it.
My father was beside himself after her nightmare. He’d been woken by her screaming and called me immediately to come help. At first, my thoughts veered to one of our rivals breaking into her room, assuming it was my father’s, and when I couldn't bust the lock on the adjoining door, I’d used the key card to her main door to let myself in. To see her sprawled out on the floor, her eyes wide but unseeing as she screamed in terror, sent my heart thumping into my throat.
I couldn't interpret her words, either. She wasn’t making sense, but I suppose that was typical after such an ordeal. Still, I couldn't fathom why losing a patient would trigger such an intense nightmare.
Then again, as I’d recently discovered, she was pure of heart. Her patients meant the world to her, and she treated each of them as individuals with lives worth caring about. They weren't case files or numbers on a screen to her. Her innate goodness was just one more reason to steer clear of her.
I’d only ruin her spirit, blackening the morals she held dear until I could mold her to my liking. She didn't deserve that, and I shouldn't want that from her.
