The first thing I did when we pulled into the garage was pick Kinsley up and carry her all the way to our bedroom. I'd already asked Logan and Oliver to make sure everyone was unharmed and to ensure Caden kept Maddie in the dark—at least for a few minutes.
Once in our room, I set Kinsley on the bed. She looked as if she was in a daze, which I expected. I stripped her jacket from her shoulders and then slowly unbuttoned her shirt.
"Burke, I can do it."
The fact that her voice was as feeble as the effort she made to force my hands out of the way proved she needed help. "I know you can."
Once I'd removed her blouse, I pulled off her shoes and stood her up. Being careful so she didn't lose her balance, I unfastened her skirt and slid it down. When she was naked, I towed her to the bathroom and turned on the shower.
"I don't n-need a sh-shower."
"Your teeth are chattering."
She shook her head, but I understood better than her. Stripping quickly, I helped her over the lip of the shower and led her under the nearly scalding water. Hissing when the spray first hit me, I turned us so her back was to the showerhead.
"Tell me what you're thinking."
Kinsley fixated on the center of my chest.
"Kinsley." I tipped her chin up. "Whatever it is, I won't judge you."
"I want to get a license to carry a gun."
My brows shot up. "Done."
"I want to learn how to use it."
"Done." Wrapping my arms around her, I smoothed hot water over her hair.
"Just like that?"
"Just like that." Reaching for the knob, I adjusted the temperature to something less than boiling.
"I hated it, Burke. I hated feeling useless and scared. Powerless to defend myself."
"I know. I threw up the first time it happened to me."
"You did?"
I nodded.
"I don't feel like I'll throw up. It's more like I'll shatter into a million pieces at any second."
My hold on her tightened. "I won't let you break."
What I couldn't figure out was how I'd convinced an angel to join me in hell. Worlds apart, we were complete opposites until I crashed into her life. She'd made me a believer with her touch, and I'd gladly go to hell and back if it meant keeping what we'd found. I didn't know if I was crazy or weak for allowing her to remain, but I knew I could never let her go.
31
Kinsley
I couldn't quite put into words the extent of the terror I felt while sitting on the floor of the car as we sped through the city streets. Knowing several men with guns were chasing us and there were more where they'd come from was enough to send me into a panic attack. The idea that Burke and I were invited guests in Carlos and Posey's home, having a pleasant lunch with people who planned to kill us, unnerved me. I realized what Burke meant when he said he couldn't fear every second he was out of the house because anything could happen.
For me, the worst part was the loss of control. I'd spent enough of my life letting others manipulate me that I wouldn't allow it to happen ever again. Fear was an abyss; a never-ending drop into utter darkness and hysteria. Power and control were the answer to regaining what I'd lost. It made me shudder to think Finn could have been with us, and I vowed to take charge of my safety and his.
Burke was so gentle with me when we returned home. He knew precisely what to do, and he saw to my needs without hesitation. It surprised me that he also didn't mind if I wanted to learn how to use a gun, and he promised he'd give me one of my own. All of that could wait until the following day, though. For the time being, I wanted to shut out the sounds of gunfire, to block the horror of the what-ifs out of my head. To feel secure in Burke's embrace and know he would always keep us safe was the balm my soul demanded.
Burke had wrapped me in a towel when we got out of the shower, and I dropped it as he exited the bathroom. Standing at the foot of the bed, I watched his eyes widen and his steps falter.
