Parker served dinner late at my request, but I still ate alone. One day was all I'd gotten; less than one day, actually.
After Finn's last feeding of the night, I put on my nightgown and lay down, feeling tears threatening. The massive bed wasn't the same without Burke. Completely opposite from that morning, the room felt like his instead of ours when I was there alone. Pulling his pillow close to my face, I inhaled his scent. It hadn't changed at all, but, at that point, I associated it with sex and sin. At least I could console myself with the thought that the sex had been with me.
But I had not seen him since breakfast. I knew better than to intrude into his inner sanctum, so I didn't go to the office to check on him. After what we'd shared the night before, it was odd to have an entire day alone with my thoughts, especially since doubt came creeping back in faster than I would have preferred. It amazed me how I could still feel lonely while living under my husband's roof or laying in his bed.
The next day was a repeat of the first, and also the day after that. I knew he was in the house because Logan and Caden arrived every morning bright and early to work. I never saw them leave, so they must have stayed long past dark. Parker told me he'd sent their meals to Burke's office, and I worried more each day about what was wrong and why he couldn't simply tell me instead of shutting me out.
By the time the bedroom door opened on the fourth night, I was asleep, but having a newborn made me a light sleeper. I heard Burke moving around and cracked my eyes open to watch him undress. Naked—and glorious—in the moonlight, he climbed into the bed, and I held my breath.
He scooted close to me, and my breathing came more easily as he draped an arm over me. Moments later, he pulled me against him and kissed the top of my head.
"Is tú mo gach rud," he whispered.
Realizing I'd never asked him to translate the Irish he occasionally used, I couldn't tell what he'd said. The tenor was affectionate, and I hoped it was something sweet. Relaxing, I snuggled into his side and tried to fall back asleep, but it was easier said than done.
When I heard Finn in the middle of the night, I found Burke gone again. Thinking he'd gotten up before I heard the baby, I waited to hear his soothing voice over the monitor. All I got was more crying, so I hurried down the hall to tend to Finn's needs. By the time his tears stopped, mine flowed freely.
Were Burke's promises meaningless? Was that what I could expect every day for the rest of our marriage—him using me for sex when it was convenient and otherwise ignoring me? Or was something truly wrong? Needing to spend more hours in the office than out of it surely held importance. Self-doubt might be my status quo, but fear of the unknown dangers his job carried filled me with a different type of dread. All I could think was that this was no life, not the way we currently lived it. Once again, Maddie's words came back to me.
I wouldn't let my husband forget about me again. I couldn't allow him to leave me alone every day, only coming together at night. Never again would I permit myself to feel content at being pushed to the back burner. No, we would speak of it in the morning, no matter where I had to track him down to make it happen.
27
Kinsley
When I didn't see Burke at the table for breakfast, I knew I had to follow up on my promise to myself. After settling Finn down for his midmorning nap, I headed to the office in the farthest rear corner of the house. At first, I couldn't figure out why he would choose such a remote location, but after seeing the view from the back windows, I understood. The pool and extensive gardens were mostly visible, along with just the tiniest fragment of silver light flashing on the lake beyond. There were other, smaller offices along that hall, which I knew Caden and Logan used while they were working in the house. The room I'd chosen was at the end of the hall, affording me the chance to see the side yard and the gazebo covered in roses.
Burke's office door was firmly closed, but that didn't deter me. I knocked, waiting with my hands clasped behind my back. Though I wanted to barge in and yell at him, I didn't think that was appropriate. As Maddie had mentioned, I wanted to be respectful to my husband in front of his men.
I heard his muffled voice come in the form of a shout through the solid wood door. "What?"
"It's Kinsley," I replied calmly.
There were a few expletives, and something thumped on the floor before Logan opened the door, nearly filling the empty space. "What can I do for you?"
Tilting my head up, I narrowed my eyes at the way he intentionally tried to keep me out, and then I peeked under his arm. From what I could see of him, Burke's suit was wrinkled, and his hair looked as if he'd taken a rake to it, his eyes red-rimmed with bags underneath.
"I need to speak with my husband."
It wasn't Logan's voice that answered, but the angry growl of said husband. "Not now, Kinsley, can't you see—"
"Yes, now." When all three men aimed tired but irritated eyes at me, I took a deep breath. "Please."
Burke pinched the bridge of his nose. "You two, out."
Caden smiled halfheartedly as he passed, but Logan didn't even look at me. Straightening my spine, I stepped inside the office and closed the door. The room fairly reeked of alcohol and frustration.
Burke remained in his seat behind the desk, writing something on a legal pad. "I have a lot on my plate right now, Kinsley, so say what you came to say and let me get back to it."
"Have you eaten? Or slept?" He didn't bother to look up, so I moved closer. "You haven't seen me or Finn in days."
"What’s your point? You know I have to work around the clock sometimes."
"No, Burke, what I know is that you promised me you'd work on this marriage. We were in this very room when you said it." Stopping next to him, I crossed my arms and looked down at his desk. It was littered with balled-up papers and empty tumblers. There was a plate on the far corner of the desk that looked like it might have held the previous night's dinner.
"I know what I said."
"Why won't you look at me?"
