"Yes." I nodded, knowing Maddie wasn't referring to paint colors. "But I don't think it'll do anything to fill this hole inside me."
Sitting next to me, Maddie said, "No, it won't."
"Nothing will. I've got an empty compartment, you know?" Rubbing my chest, I thought about the part of my heart that still held out hope for Burke to return my feelings.
"Yes, I do. The love compartment." It didn’t sound cheesy when she said it, it sounded accurate.
"I've got Finn, and I've got you and Daisy. I talk to Brenda and Danny regularly, though I haven't seen them recently. But I don't speak to my parents, and my husband doesn't even like me."
Maddie made a disapproving sound. "I don't think he dislikes you, but how much do you know about each other? You were together for such a short time. Do you know anything about his personality?"
"He likes strawberry milkshakes and classical music." Though I'd known that since high school. "He has a quick temper, but he's great under pressure."
"That's something." Maddie tilted her head back and forth. "Have you told him about yourself? What's your biggest dream?"
After taking a big breath, I confessed something I’d never told anyone. "Once upon a time, my greatest wish was to own a bookstore. To sit among the smell of paper and ink, to read to children at story hour, to offer tea and coffee. I thought it would be so much fun to have something that was all mine, but I knew it couldn't happen. My throat closes at the idea of speaking to strangers, which made me great at stocking books at the library, but not as good at helping customers. Not to mention, I don't know the first thing about running a business."
"So why not start now? You don't have to own a bookstore to learn about running a business."
"I don't have a degree."
"Get one."
"That's not . . ." But I trailed off. Why couldn't I go to school online? "Maybe."
"My opinion—and you can tell me to shut the fuck up if you want—is that Burke doesn't know you enough to like you. You're either painfully quiet when he's around or you push his buttons so he'll acknowledge you."
I felt my face flush at the blunt truth. "I didn't like the way he treated me when he found out I was pregnant. From zero contact to ordering me around was a lot to take in, and then he practically kidnapped me and forced me to stay here in a gilded cage."
"I didn't say there was anything wrong with standing up to him. Please, Kinsley, for the love of all that's holy, don't ever let him walk on you again. You're not a doormat." Maddie was vehement about that.
"I've spent my life being exactly that. It's hard to change overnight."
"So do it gradually, in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. But the way to deal with these men is to meet them at their level. Caden told me we couldn't date because I wasn't meek enough for 'Family life.' He expected someone like his Aunt Elena or, God forbid, Anna. When I didn't cave, he realized he loves me the way I am and that I'm more important to him than the image he projects. I make an effort in front of the other men because I respect him, but I tell him exactly how I feel when we're alone."
Thinking about what she described, I figured I could try that. "I understand respecting Burke in front of his men, and I know I didn't show very much of it at first. He was so thoughtless with his words, and he hurt me. He left me to deal with Carson alone, and that fear hit me hard. But when he found me, I was so angry over the whole situation. I couldn't let him walk all over me the way he tried to do. I wanted to have him in Finn's life, not have him run mine."
"That takes guts, Kinsley, and I admire you for that. Keep that attitude with you when you deal with the Gallaghers. If they don't treat you with respect, they get the same in return. Take Anna, for example. If she'd been nice, I would have been, too. Instead, she kept introducing me by my full name when I'd asked her not to, and she wouldn't stop lecturing us like we're stupid."
"That, and the unnecessary way she told me about Burke and Harper."
Maddie rolled her eyes. "That bitch wishes."
Several seconds of silence passed before I admitted, "I wonder constantly if he has a mistress."
"I really hope not." Maddie sighed. "I would cut his balls off for you so you don't have to get blood on your hands."
I laughed. "Still, I can't figure out how I'm supposed to go my whole life without having sex."
"Okay, in all honesty, why don't you just ask your husband? After you're healed from giving birth and all."
Snorting into a laugh, I managed to say, "Yeah, right."
Maddie got up and began pacing the room. "He wanted you badly enough in Chester to pursue you, remember?"
"Feels like a lifetime ago," I mumbled.
Stopping mid-stride, Maddie pointed at me. "Seduce him. Wear something pretty. I don't know. Whatever makes you feel sexy."
