"Where is my husband?" I said for the hundredth time as a nurse came into the room.
"I don't know, ma'am."
The nurse adjusted my fetal monitors and read the printout, then checked the vitals machine. "You need to take deep, calming breaths, Mrs. Gallagher. Your blood pressure is too high."
"I can't calm down when fifty pounds of weight is pushing down on my vagina and my husband isn't even here yet!"
With a gentle smile, she said, "I know, but try. The doctor should be here soon so you can discuss pain management."
"Daisy." I cringed at the whiny quality of my voice.
Daisy stepped away from the window and approached the bed. "What can I do to help?"
"Find out where the hell my husband is and please bring me some ice."
"On it."
Only that meant I was left alone. I couldn't remember having such a visceral need for Burke before, except maybe the first time we had sex. After all the hassle we'd gone through, he needed to be there for the birth, and I needed him to keep me sane. The longer I was alone, the more I worried Burke wasn't coming. Maybe he'd been injured. Was he in the hospital, too, wounded and worried for me? Or had he changed his mind about being there for me?
Another pain gripped me, and I pressed my palms to the tightening muscle, screaming through the contraction instead of breathing properly. An alarm sounded on the machinery, and I began to cry in earnest. This was the mess I'd gotten myself into by sleeping with him. I'd give birth all alone, and I'd raise Finn alone, and—
"Kinsley?"
The door cracked open, and I saw him finally. "Oh, God, Burke."
"I came as fast as I could." His first steps were tentative, but I solved that by reaching out to him. Immediately, he crossed the room to my side and brushed the sweaty hair off my forehead. "Are you okay? Has the doctor been in?"
"No, and no." Frustrated, I wiped tears from my face. "Dr. Smith should be here soon, according to the nurse, but I'm just overwhelmed."
"I understand." He pulled the visitor chair over and took my hand again, clasping it between both of his as he sat. "Squeeze as hard as you need."
I shook my head. "I can't do this."
"Yes, you can."
"No, I can’t." I cried harder but froze when I felt him kiss my hand.
"Listen to me." When he used that commanding tone on me, I couldn't help but focus on him. "You can do this. You've endured so much until now. I have faith in you, but I need you to be strong for just a little longer. Finn needs you to be strong for him, Kinsley."
Another contraction started, and I whimpered. Burke gripped my hand with one of his and rubbed my belly with the other. I breathed slowly and stared into his beautiful blue eyes. When the pain subsided, I felt steadier.
"There you go."
It terrified me to think I was completely dependent on Burke. Not only at that moment, but for my entire life. I wanted to be his wife, but not the way it had come about. I wanted him to father my children, but not as a mistake; an afterthought. I wanted him to love me as much as he loved our baby.
He didn't.
But I thought maybe we could pretend for the day. We were having a baby together, and he was there for me. I would accept whatever kindness he decided to throw my way, even if it was only because of Finn. At least it meant he was present, the way he said his father wasn't. He was trying, and I would do the same.
Daisy returned with the ice but stayed in the corner after setting it on the table by the bed. Burke leaned over me, holding my hand against his chest and kissing my forehead. He murmured to me, and I nodded at everything he said.
Dr. Smith came into the room, asking me about my pain level and confirming my request for anesthesia. That had to be scheduled, but in the meantime, she ordered oral pain medication to take the edge off.
"Your blood pressure has dropped to a level I'm comfortable with, so it looks good here. I'll be back in a while, and the nurse will check in with you every so often unless you press the call button."
"Thank you, Dr. Smith," Burke said.
I merely gave her a small smile as another contraction began.
