Caden had come to live with us when he was eight, after his parents died in a plane crash, and he was more like a brother to me than a cousin. I much preferred him over my sister, who was my secretary of sorts and married to Logan, my best friend since grade school.
"Anna doesn't hate anybody," Logan said in defense of his wife.
"You have to say that."
"No, I don't. She can be mouthy when she's on a tear, but she knows how to follow the rules."
"She also grew up in the life. Ma trained her from diapers on how to act."
I listened with half an ear as Logan and Caden continued to talk about the virtues of Anna versus the woman Caden had fallen for. I couldn't pick my mate, and I sure as hell couldn't pick Kinsley if I did have the option. I'd made my choices a long time ago, and they didn't include innocents. It was high time I remembered that.
7
Kinsley
"I can't believe I let him into my life," I said after I threw up for the third time in a row.
"Kinsley, stop beating yourself up."
Moaning, I leaned against Daniel's chest where we sat on the pistachio green tiles in his tiny bathroom. He smoothed my hair away from my sweaty forehead and nudged me forward so he could get up.
Danny had been my rock for the past six weeks. He used to be my best friend, and I discovered that hadn't changed even when I'd stopped speaking to him. He'd moved on, and the only reason I felt okay with accepting his help was because he had a girlfriend.
"I can make the offer again, but I have a feeling I know the answer."
"Not only do you not mean it, but you have your own problems to deal with, and Brenda would kick my ass."
"No, she wouldn't, but it would make things awkward."
"That's enough of a reason to say no."
He'd offered repeatedly to marry me in order to legitimize the baby I carried. Among other reasons why I'd never accept the offer was the fact that he was in a committed relationship, and he was currently battling his own demons. Brenda was his stepsister, and though they hadn't grown up in the same household, plenty of people thought it was the highest sin for them to be together.
"Here."
Accepting the cup of water he handed me and rinsing my mouth, I then let him help me up from the tile floor. I wasn't showing yet, and I'd put off telling my family about the pregnancy. My window of time was narrowing, and I would have to make a decision fast.
That first day, I'd broken down in Danny's living room and told him all about Burke. I'd left out the intimate details, but there was no hiding the truth when I said I thought I was pregnant. Danny had taken me into the nearby town of Bristol to buy a test, then held my hand when I sobbed at the appearance of a plus sign.
When I got home, I’d claimed to have a stomach bug and didn't make dinner that night. Instead, I'd curled up in bed and cried until I thought I'd hyperventilate. The next day, I was left feeling hollowed out and had to call in to work before escaping to the small house on the other side of town. Since his father moved into his new wife's house, Danny had lived alone and worked as a mechanic to make ends meet. Though he was the same age as me and we grew up together, we had gone to different schools because we lived on opposite sides of the school district. Our mothers had been best friends until Daniel's mother died. Then it was just him and his dad, and I saw him less often. I'd pitied him for having the responsibility of taking care of his father as a teenager, but then I'd realized I did the exact same thing in my own home. Stemming from a degree of desperation to be out from under his father’s thumb, Danny had asked me to marry him. His plan involved moving out of Chester, getting jobs, and renting an apartment together.
When I turned him down, he'd been crushed, and our friendship began to disintegrate as we talked less and less. I felt so awful for refusing his offer, but I wasn't in love with Daniel. My feelings never exceeded anything more than a friend or a pseudo brother. But there were times when I regretted not taking him up on the offer so we could have moved away from the gossip and judgmental citizens of our town.
Now I realized I'd been so desperately lonely at that point that I'd been close to saying yes just to have a companion. For half a second, I'd considered what it would be like to live on my own and not have to do everything for my parents. I held onto Danny now because I could not bear to be alone again, even if what he gave me wasn't a tenth of what I'd had with Burke.
But Danny had Brenda, and I didn't love him. I just hated being lonely. That was no excuse to deny him the love he'd found.
"What am I going to do, Danny?"
It was the thousandth time I'd asked, and his answer wouldn't change. "You have options, Kins, but you have to decide pretty soon."
"Not deciding is an option, isn't it?"
Walking with me to the living room, he sighed. "Technically, yes."
Because by not deciding, it would be too late for the choice I couldn't seem to contemplate for longer than a few seconds. If I had the baby, I'd never be alone again. I'd be a mother, and my baby would need me, not use me. I would not only have a piece of Burke, but someone who would love me unconditionally.
"Am I making the wrong choice by keeping it?"
