All the commotion in the diner ceased to exist as he stared at me. There'd been no warning, no expectation, and here he'd caught me out of the house with no one but Noah by my side to act as a guard. As if on instinct, my feet moved in his direction. There were no alarm bells, no questions crowding my mind. There was simply instantaneous relief.
"How did you . . ."
"Please, sit."
Automatically, I slid into the booth Daisy and I shared so long ago. His suit was the same, the symbolism of his blood-red tie no longer frightening. I knew this man more intimately than anyone else in the world did—though he'd erected a shield even I couldn't penetrate.
"Milkshake?" Burke offered.
Finally, I tore my gaze from his destroying angel's face and looked at the table.
He gestured to one of the two strawberry milkshakes sitting on the chipped Formica. "Something about the way they make them here is better than anywhere else."
With a frown at his comment, I asked, "You always stop in and get one if you're in town, don't you?"
One corner of his mouth lifted. "Yes."
In the ensuing silence, all my doubts and fears piled up until I could no longer shoulder the strain. What did he want? Why wasn't he in Boston? "Why did you come?" I blurted.
A crease formed between his brows before he smoothed his features. "I’ve missed you."
"You've said that, but you make it hard to believe."
Palms up, he spread his hands above the table. "I do, don't I? It's not intentional."
It was hard to comprehend him showing up after he said he couldn't get away. Though I wanted to throw my arms around him, my thoughts wouldn't settle. Maybe he came because I'd badgered him about our son almost walking. "Finn will be thrilled to see you."
When he reached for my hand, I had to force myself not to jerk it back. His touch was warm, and the feeling of relief returned to me. "I came for you. Yes, I miss my son, but I really miss my wife."
I pursed my lips. "Me?"
"You're still my wife the last time I checked."
My brain refused to process his words. "You stopped tracking down your enemies to have a milkshake with me? That sounds so . . . normal."
"I can't ever be normal when my life revolves around plotting the demise of others. Doesn't mean I don't want more."
"More of what?" A headache brewed behind my eyes, the words of my father swirling through my head. "When I attempted to fit in with your world, when I tried to be someone I'm not, look at what it cost me."
His expression changed to that of a drowning man begging to be saved. "No, Kinsley, you finally found who you are. It's our world, and you definitely belong in it. You could rule it one day."
I didn't want to rule the underworld with him if he didn't even love me. He depended on me, I knew, but it wasn't enough anymore. "I'm not some ruthless force to be reckoned with, Burke. I'm just Kinsley."
Shaking his head, he gave a mirthless laugh. "God, you're so stubborn. Don't you see, you taught me that pain shared is sorrow halved. There's no one else I can share my life with but you."
The emotional wound I'd suffered only reminded me how much had changed in the last year. "Do you realize I wasn't lost until you found me? Muddling along was boring, but I'd resigned myself to it. It was my version of normal. Now, every time I think I've found sure footing with you, the ground shakes again."
Leaning forward, he lowered his voice and gripped my hand tighter, as if terrified I would bolt. "Do you want me to beg you to come back with me? Would that convince you how deep my feelings run?"
"I . . ." What could I say? Did his feelings run as deep as mine? Could they ever, or was he emotionally stunted?
A frustrated groan escaped his mouth. "Is tú mo gach rud; you're my everything, Kinsley. Without you, I have nothing. You gave me a son; you brought humanity into my house. You taught me I can be the cruel mob boss in my business dealings and also be a good father and husband."
Tears formed in my eyes. They weren't exactly words of love, but it was something. Maybe I needed to be the one to say it first. Again. "But it doesn't seem I can love you without losing myself," I whispered.
Comprehension dawned on his face. "You haven't lost yourself, you've gained courage and knowledge, and you've given me more than I can ever repay." He sucked in a breath, meeting my gaze. "You said I never truly let go with you, and I want to change that. You've broken down years worth of defenses, and I admit I held on to the last remaining bricks out of fear. I'll struggle with it, I'm sure, but I want to be completely free with you. That's what you've given me. The chance to be myself, unjudged. Unfettered. You've helped me change as much as any human can while remaining true to themselves. I love you like neither of us thought possible. I love you for everything you are; for your beautiful, caring soul. I'm not asking for anything but your love in return."
I sat back, stunned. He loved me? "Do you really think saying sweet words will fix everything? Being your wife has been so much harder than I could ever have imagined, and I have a fantastic imagination."
