At Mrs. Johansen's question, I looked up from the book I'd been holding in my hand for the last five minutes. Burke had left more than a month ago, but it felt like a year. No matter what I'd promised myself, I hadn't moved on. I was only living a half-life, and more depressing was the realization that it used to be enough to make me happy. I'd adored him for years, but hadn't fallen in love until last month. I wanted to hate him for showing me what my life could be and then taking it back.
Finally, I shelved the book and pulled the next one from the cart. "He's much better, Olivia. Thanks for asking."
"Did they ever catch the guy?"
I shook my head. "No, they didn't."
"That's a shame."
It bugged me enough to consider calling Burke and asking him to intervene after all. But I never would. "Mm. They think the plates were stolen. They haven't found him here or anywhere else in New England."
"Kinsley."
I looked up again at my boss's tone. "Yes?"
"How are you?"
"What do you mean?" I asked as I looked down again. I put a book on the shelf and pulled another. If Olivia pressed much further, I'd end up crying.
"There were rumors that you were seeing the Gallagher boy when he was in town. Well, he's a man now."
"Rumors aren't always based in fact, Mrs. Johansen. You know that."
"Yes." She folded and unfolded her hands in front of her. "Yes, I do. I just want to know if you're well."
"I'm fine." How many times had I said those words in my life and actually meant them?
Olivia touched my shoulder briefly. "If you ever need anything, honey, just let me know."
"Thanks, Mrs. Johansen."
I couldn't meet her gaze. If the whole town knew we'd been together, what did they think of me now? Would they consider me a fallen woman? Did my parents know who I’d been with by listening to the gossip mill? The thought was mortifying. I'd spent all my evenings at his house, technically not alone since he had staff, but we might as well have been alone. In the eyes of the town’s busybodies, it was the same. I'd known better than to dance with the devil, and I'd chosen to do it, anyway. In a weak moment, I'd given in, and now I had to pay for it.
The town would consider me a slut, I guess. The next in a long line of his conquests. Stupid for falling for his lines. I wondered if any of them were jealous. Since I couldn't change it, there was nothing more to do.
People watched me as I walked through the Thriftway after work, and I felt as if I had a scarlet letter pinned to my shirt. It wasn't as though no one in the entire town slept around, so why did they care if I'd had a brief fling? Neither of us were married, at least.
With bright red ears, I stopped by my mother's office and knocked on the door frame. "Hi, Mom."
"Oh, Kinsley!" Julia stood and hugged me. "I didn't know you were stopping by."
"Dad said he'd used all the lunch meat today."
"I swear, he always waits until he's out to say anything. I could have brought some home sooner."
Yes, but it was his do-girl he asked, not you. "That's okay. I wanted to pick up some things for myself."
"Okay. I'll see you at home later."
Walking up and down the aisles, I was paranoid that everyone was judging me. After getting the lunch meat my father liked, I perused the snack shelves, picking up more than I typically bought. I got a twelve-pack of Coke and figured I must be getting my period. Craving chocolate, I took a stroll down the candy aisle and allowed myself to pick only one. Turning the corner, I grabbed a box of tampons and dropped them in my cart. Better to be prepared.
Next to the feminine hygiene products were condoms and pregnancy tests. A flood of horror crashed over me; I counted days in my head. How long had Burke been gone? When was my last period?
"Oh, my God."
There was no way in hell I could buy a test in Chester without everyone knowing by the end of the day. In a panic, I wheeled to the self-check-out and paid as fast as I could. Though I stayed under the speed limit, I drove through town quickly. There was only one place I could think of going, and I knew I would regret that choice.
What else was new?
