There was no sound. No movement. For a moment, the absence of pain was all I could comprehend. And then I opened my eyes and gazed around. Wyatt sat in the far corner of the room, Daisy's head on his shoulder as she dozed. Maddie stood in front of the bathroom door, tapping on her phone. Caden sat in a chair by the window, twisting his wedding ring around his finger.
And Burke. Each time I opened my eyes in the past few days, he was there. That time, he was in bed with me, asleep on his pillow. I was dearly tempted to curl into his side and ignore the rest of the world. Part of me warmed at the idea that my friends were by my side, but another part of me wished I could grieve in peace. Burke and I lost a baby, not everyone else. Though I'd been discharged from the hospital, I wasn't back to normal and didn't know when I might be. The pain in my belly had subsided long before the pain in my heart ever would. Grief played out in many forms, but I accepted the knowledge that the giant void in my heart would last a lifetime. Perhaps I would adapt to carrying it around, but it would never diminish.
Burke repositioned himself closer to me, and I squeezed my eyes closed. They felt as if someone had brutally and repeatedly run sandpaper across them.
"Kinsley." The whisper was coarse. The fingers on my forehead were gentle. A tear slipped free; he wiped it away. "Should I send them from the room?"
Nodding, I gave in to the need for comfort and scooted closer to press against his solid warmth. Wrapping his arms around me, he held on tight, and I buried my head in his chest. His words sounded muffled, but I heard feet shuffling and the closing of the door.
"Thanks."
His chest rose and fell under my cheek. "Are you hungry?"
"No."
Since we'd discussed it that first night in the hospital, he no longer asked how I felt. There simply was no way to describe the myriad emotions if I tried, and he knew it. It was difficult to comprehend the levels of pain I experienced; the effects of the poison, the hollowed-out feeling from the stomach pumping, and then the cramps signaling my body's betrayal. According to the doctor, the miscarriage was due to the events of that day. The stress of the actions they'd taken to save my life, the medication they had no choice in giving me, and the poison itself.
Words couldn't help.
In all my dreams since the disastrous wedding, I'd watched Burke taken from me with a bullet to the heart. I'd wake in a cold sweat, trembling with the need for reassurance. There was no way to know who attempted to kill us all, but I suspected the Carmichaels. Burke wouldn't hear of it, insisting Jonah was a better man than that. At the same time, he wouldn’t listen to my accusations against his father, either. It didn't matter as much to me who did it; what was done was done.
"Burke, I want us to take some time off." I swallowed, licking dry lips. "I want you to come with me to Bristol."
He rolled away from me, and I felt the loss of his warmth keenly. "No."
Observing his manic pacing, I asked, "No, you won't come, or no, I can't go?"
Stalking the length of the empty room in sweatpants and a t-shirt, he scrubbed his hands through his hair. "The investigation into Casper's death is closed, so you're free to leave the city. It's a great idea for you to get away. I can focus on who did this and what their punishment will be."
"Burke, for once, you need to take time away from all of this." Suddenly afraid, I sat up. "What will you do to them?"
"I don't know yet. It depends on who it was. I have different plans in mind for the Navarros than I do if it turns out it was my father."
Once he'd made another loop from the bathroom door to the eastern window, I swallowed hard before speaking up. "Whatever you do, don't make it a suicide mission. Finn and I need you."
Though he didn't stop walking, he pinched the bridge of his nose. "They killed my baby, Kinsley."
The words were so soft I almost didn't hear him. "I know," I whispered. God, did I ever know the truth of it; it was me it happened to. "But I need you to promise me you'll be careful."
Whirling to face me, he roared, "They murdered our baby!"
I flinched, my skin prickling and tears pouring down my face. "Don't let them murder my husband too."
Getting up and heading to the bathroom, I turned on the shower and hurried to undress. I needed clarity of mind, but I couldn't seem to find it anymore. Nothing was guaranteed in life, and God knew I'd made hard choices before. If God was punishing me for the man I loved and the life we led, I had to accept the consequences. My back bowed when sobs ripped through my body, and I braced one hand on the glass of the shower.
And then Burke was there, silently appearing behind me. His arms were my only anchor in a chaotic universe. As much as I wanted to remain by his side, I needed a minute to breathe unhindered, to be me again, to get away from the world where people rose and fell with the blink of an eye. I wanted Danny and Brenda to meet Finn, who was ten months old. There was so much I needed out of life, none of which included grief and turmoil.
"Go to Chester. Stay in our house there." Turning me in his embrace, he pushed my hair off my damp cheeks. "Let your parents meet Finn."
I sucked in a breath and regarded him. "I won't stay away long. Finn's birthday is coming up."
Without response, he crushed me against him. Together, we stepped into the shower and washed in acute silence. When I made a move to step out, the sight of tears on Burke's face caught my attention. At first, I thought it was droplets of water from the shower, but his eyes were bloodshot.
"Burke." Not having adequate words, I held him as his body shook. A moment of guilt stabbed at me. "I don't have to go. I can stay here, and we can face them together."
"Kinsley, I plan to make the streets of Boston run red with the blood of our enemies. Please, for my sanity, go to Chester where I know you'll be safe."
I nodded against him. "Okay."
