“Alicia is having a New Year’s Eve party and wanted me to invite you. I told her I would, and I figure you deserve something good for a change. What do you say?”
With relief, he felt his shoulders drop. “Um,” he began. Did he want to socialize? No, he didn’t.
“Alicia said she misses Hailey and it would be great if you brought her along. Any of your family, really. Just make certain you have a DD because we like to go a little deep on holidays.”
Devon almost chuckled at John’s description of getting drunk. That was something he could get on board with. “If Lori wants to come, she’ll be the designated driver by default.”
John chuckled, and Devon fought a smile. “I guess having a newborn can do that to you. So, can I put you on the list?”
“Yeah, why not? If you need a headcount, I’ll have to ask around and get back to you.” Devon paced the foyer and glanced toward the kitchen at the sound of Hailey squealing. She and his father were trading silly faces.
“Nah, it’s not that formal. I’ll text you the address. Just come as you are.”
“Sure thing.”
They hung up, and Devon stopped pacing to stare out one of the windows that flanked the front door. Hailey had saved his life after Kathy died. She gave him a reason to live, someone to care for outside himself and his misery. Did it follow that he could save her life by walking away? If he closed himself off and hardened what was left of his heart, he would be no good for her. He simply couldn't withstand the myriad emotions that weighed him down for much longer. There had to be a solution, but he didn't know what it was.
“Devon, dinner is ready!”
He stared at the barren trees lining the road.
Break down or shut down?
Stay or go?
Chapter Sixteen
Christmas didn't bringDevon pleasure. Though he enjoyed watching Hailey with her presents and their family, he felt hollow. Kathy’s parents sent gifts as they always did, with a note saying they were coming to visit in January. Don had been the one to call them when Hailey went missing, but they hadn't found it in their hearts to come sooner. Devon figured it was for the best; he couldn't stand them, and vice versa.
Caleb, Lori, and Maisie came to the house. Devon could at least be happy for them, but that was the extent of any happy emotions. The baby was beautiful, as he knew she would be, and Hailey got a kick out of her. Devon found peace when he held her, but it couldn't last forever. Once Maisie was asleep in the portable crib his parents kept in Caleb’s old room, they gathered for dinner. It should have been a jovial time. Instead, he had to force a smile when all he felt like doing was screaming. The effort it took to pretend he was okay left him exhausted.
Hailey’s physical therapy ended up on hiatus the week of Christmas, though they attempted to keep her from going too many days between appointments. The hip brace came off, but her gait remained unsteady. Someone had to help her at all times if she wanted to get out of her wheelchair, which didn’t slow her down.
The day of the Hurley’s party came around; Lydia and Don stayed home to care for Maisie and Hailey. Devon no longer worried about how well Hailey was taken care of unless he was the one in charge. He knew he didn’t deserve his daughter anymore. When he got in the car with his brother and sister-in-law, he could finally breathe. No one expected anything of him, and therefore, he couldn't let anyone down.
The Hurley home was much the same as other modest houses in the area; two-story and boxy. It bore yellow paint, which brought sunshine to the dreary weather, and a red door. Alicia answered their knock with a grin on her face and a headband of wobbling antenna.
