It was the rare time of evening when he was alone and everything was quiet as he sat with Hailey’s hand in his. Her color had returned to her cheeks, and she looked healthier already. She stirred, and his heart jumped in his chest as he waited to see if she would open her eyes again.
“Hailey?”
He said her name quietly, rubbing his thumb back and forth over her knuckles and smiling as her eyelids fluttered.
“Excuse me, Devon?” The soft voice was as familiar to him as any by then. Chloe stood just inside the door.
“Hey.”
She gave him her gentle smile. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but I want to ask if you need a break.”
He looked back at Hailey, who was motionless once more. “You know, I’ve been out of this room an awful lot today.”
Chloe came and sat in the chair next to his. “Visitors?”
“Yeah.” He said nothing else for a few minutes, and she let him be. Nothing but the sound of the clock ticking above the head of the bed filled the room for around ten minutes before he finally spoke. “Do you think I’ll ever feel like I can just go home? Like I don’t have to worry or hover?”
Chloe watched Devon’s profile as he kept his gaze on the bed. “I would guess so, eventually. You’ve been through a trauma, Devon, and it’s understandable you’d want to maintain a vigil on your daughter. She’s who’s most important to you.”
Slowly, he tore his focus from Hailey to stare at Chloe. “Most people are encouraging me to go home. Everybody except Caleb has told me she’ll be fine;I’llbe fine.”
Chloe shrugged. “I deal in facts, and the fact is you’re not ready. Maybe it’s easier to see from the outside.”
He looked back at Hailey. “That's probably it.”
They were silent for a time as they watched Hailey. For Devon, he watched the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed steadily.
“I can sit with her if you need to shower or get something to eat,” Chloe said, breaking the silence of the room.
He took a deep breath. It had been a long day, full of activity and people. He needed time alone, and there was only one way to get it in that hospital. “I think I’ll get a shower, if that’s okay?”
“Of course. I promise not to leave.”
Devon took his bag into the bathroom and locked the door. He’d been doing a decent job of holding it in, he thought. Twisting the shower knob so the water would heat, he stripped off his clothes. He was weary to the bone, dragged down to the base of his humanity. He couldn't help but think he was failing the test God put before him. When he was in the shower and the scalding water streamed over his head, he closed his eyes against everything crushing him and wept. Covering his face with his hands and falling against the tiled wall, his shoulders shook and knees trembled. The grief was suffocating him, and he couldn't get his breath to cooperate. He needed the one person he couldn't have. He needed his daughter’s mother, his wife, his life companion, meant to always be there to help him through the hard times. More intensely than he could previously recall, he missed Kathy with a desperation which brought him to his knees. He sank to the bottom, drowning in his sorrow until there was nothing left of him but the empty husk to which he was growing accustomed.
As Devon emerged from the steamy bathroom, he heard Chloe sing to Hailey. Her head was down as she focused her attention on the girl in the bed. He suddenly wondered if she heard him breaking down on the other side of the wall, but he didn't ask. It seemed she wiped her face quickly at the same time she finished the song; he situated himself back in his chair while she stood.
“Are you set for the night?” she asked in a thick voice.
“I am, thanks.” He didn't look at her, and she fled the room without another word.
As the door closed, Hailey’s eyes opened. “Daddy?”
Her voice was little more than a whisper. Devon smiled down at her. “Hailey.”
“I’m thirsty.”
Devon stood up and pushed the call button as he leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Okay, baby. How do you feel other than that?”
She yawned. “Done with sleeping.”
He laughed in relief. “That would be great, bug.”
The nurse came in and saw Hailey was awake. Helping Hailey sit up, she raised the head of the bed. After Devon made sure he could give her a drink, he held the cup with the straw to her lips and she drank it all.
“More water, please,” she rasped.
“Oh, sweet girl.” Devon wiped away his tears as he leaned over, pulling her head to his chest. “I love you.”
