Chapter 13
Grant left at the end of the day, leaving Alex with a lingering kiss at the door. When he got back home, he discovered that the apartment seemed quieter and lonelier than usual. He thought he’d reached a place of comfort after Reagan left, but the feelings of isolation and loneliness were back. A small part of him wanted to work toward getting Alex in his life on a more permanent basis, but the rest of him knew it was too quick. While he’d known her for months, they had only just grown closer over the weekend. His infatuation had moved into a deeper emotion, a more complex combination of caring and devotion. It made him nauseous as he thought about it.
At work the morning after, Grant was having a hard time focusing. His mind wandered to Alex time and again. He’d wanted wild sex, public sex, to try something daring for a change. But he couldn’t deny that spending the weekend at Alex’s apartment had solidified for him that what he was good at was relationships. He liked spending all of his spare time with one woman. He enjoyed being committed to one person and knowing she was committed in return. It was who he was, and trying to change that hadn’t brought him happiness. It had only brought him confusion.
Josh came down to the pit to ask about a car Grant was working on. “How’s the Sonata coming?”
Grant looked over at his friend and wiped the sweat from his temple on his sleeve. “It should be done by the end of the day.”
“So I can tell her to be here by three?”
Three was end of day for Grant, and Josh knew that. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
“How did your weekend go? I thought you might hit me up to go out.” Josh wasn’t looking at Grant as he asked, he was writing on his clipboard.
“Oh, I spent the weekend with Alex.” Grant went back to the car he was working on.
Josh looked up in surprise. “Whoa, what? I thought you were looking to live free? Walk on the wild side? What the hell happened to that?”
Grant sighed. “That’s not me, Josh.”
“God, no. No fun for you. You’re such an old man. I knew that wouldn’t last.”
Grant gaped at him with a frown. “You knew I would end up wanting to date Alex?”
“Dude, you couldn’t even fuck more than one woman at a time. You were doing crazy stuff, but it was all with the same girl. Because you’re a steady, straitlaced old man.”
“I’m not an old man,” Grant said in frustration.
Josh threw his hands up. “Sure thing, Grant.”
Grant watched Josh climb the stairs and then went back to finish his task. He couldn’t pinpoint why, but Josh’s words bothered him more than they should. He knew who he was and deviating from that hadn’t made him happy. It had only made things worse. It had weighed on his mind that he wasn’t being fair to Alex, that he was being too reckless. The thoughts in his head swirled around and around. Was he settling too quickly? Was he giving up the option for something more interesting; daring, even? Should he commit to Alex or should he take a step back and focus on something else?Someoneelse?
He managed to finish the Sonata before the end of his shift, but it took him longer than it should have. He was too preoccupied with thoughts of Alex and his work nearly suffered because of it. He was quick to leave the auto shop and jump on his bike, but he didn’t go home. He drove around town trying to clear his head. He went past the park where he and Alex had gotten together when he came back to town after visiting Reagan. He could picture the way she’d sat on his lap in a bold gesture that he never expected her to follow through on. He loved the thrill of fucking her in public. It was new, exciting, different. It was scandalous and maybe even a little dangerous. It was everything Grant wasn’t.
By the time he got home, it was closing in on four. Had it only been the evening before that he was thinking of asking her to be his girlfriend? He couldn’t quite settle his heart with the problems in his head. He threw his keys down on the kitchen counter and yanked open the fridge door. After staring into the contents without blinking for several minutes, he slammed it closed and stalked over to the couch. He couldn’t believe that only a few comments from Josh had ruined his day. He was weak; that was his problem.
It didn’t stop him from the mild panic he felt crawling up his spine.
He couldn’t settle for the first girl to come along in years. He couldn’t assume that because the sex was good that they were compatible in every other aspect. He didn’t want to be strapped down to one woman so soon after getting to know her. What had he been thinking? That he was falling in love? That was ridiculous.
Maybe worse was that he wanted to see her again. He wanted to call her right then and ask if she was available, but surely it was only because he was horny. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He was sick of the old man jokes and the accusation that he was boring. He was sick of letting that bother him, but it seemed that he couldn’t help himself. He was right; he was weak.
Heaving a frustrated sigh before shoving off the couch, he went back to the kitchen and went about slapping together a sandwich. It was irritating to go from happy one minute to miserable the next. Second-guessing himself was not in his nature, and yet there he was; running hot and cold. He was surprised at how conflicted he felt when it should have been cut and dry. Date Alex exclusively or don’t. So why didn’t it feel that easy?
He went to bed, hoping for the oblivion that sleep provided. His dreams were filled with faceless women chasing after him. He woke several times, flopping all over the bed and trying to go back to sleep. Nothing was working. He was hot, the bed was lumpy, and every time he closed his eyes he saw Alex frowning at him before he walked away. He thought he should cut her loose now before they got in too deep, but the thought of that sent pain through his chest. That would be a dick move.
The alarm went off while he laid awake. It was not going to be a good day. He forced himself to shower, to eat, to put on his boots and leave the house. His head was fuzzy, his eyes gritty. He had to focus especially hard to make the drive to work. He was alone for an hour that morning and went about flipping on the lights and unlocking the bay doors. There was no rain, but it made Grant think of the day Alex had come in and started all of this. The outrageous way she’d gone down on him in the waiting room without even asking if he was okay with it had stunned him. It was what he wanted, the exact thing he thought he was looking for in a woman. It was exciting to put his hands on her, to slip them inside her panties and feel how wet she’d become with his cock in her mouth.
He squeezed his eyes closed and tried not to picture that encounter. It was not as easy as he thought; everything reminded him of Alex. Grant walked out of the waiting room after turning on the light and began opening the bay doors. He half expected to see her pull up in her car, to step out and demand he do crazy things to her. But she was in school on a Tuesday morning and he wouldn’t see her, which was most likely for the best. He needed to get himself together and figure out what he wanted before he spoke to her again. It would do neither of them any good if he was still screwed up inside the next time she called wanting to see him.
He heard an engine idling and glanced over his shoulder in mild curiosity. Shock would not even adequately describe his feelings as he watched Alex pull in to the bay. What the hell was she doing there, and what the hell was he supposed to do now?
She stepped out of the car in a knee-length skirt and a blouse, her hair in a bun and tall heels on her feet. That was the style of outfit that made her look like a rich girl to him. “Hey, Grant!”
He couldn’t focus on anything except for the buzzing between his ears.
She walked up to him, head tilting to the side when he didn’t move. “Why do you look like you saw a ghost?”
