Chapter 10
Alex threw herself into work. She tried to pretend she wasn’t breaking her own heart, but she was failing at it. She couldn’t tell Grant how she was feeling, or he might not want to see her again. She was walking a tightrope, and she was the only one that was going to get hurt when she fell off. The crash was inevitable, and it set her on edge. She was avoiding answering Carmela’s calls, and she hadn’t spent her lunch break with Hailey the way she normally would. She worked hard to be a good teacher, to see to her students’ needs and not fail them. It wasn’t just because she cared about her job and wanted to be there for them. It was the only logical excuse she could give everyone for why she was acting differently: she was trying to be a better teacher.
Carmela wasn’t buying it, and she tracked Alex down to tell her so. “What the hell did I tell you about twisting yourself up inside for a man?”
They were standing in the empty classroom on Alex’s planning period. Carmela had to get someone to cover the front desk so she could give her cousin a verbal beat down.
“To not to.” Alex didn’t look up from the papers she was grading.
“And did you listen? Hell no.” Carmela flung her arms in the air in exasperation. “What is the deal with him?”
“He doesn’t want a relationship.”
“Fuck that.” Carmela leaned on the desk, pissed that Alex was avoiding her. “Hey, I’m talking to you.” Alex looked up finally, and Carmela blanched at the expression on her face. “Ah, hell.”
Alex shook her head. “Don’t say it.”
“You’re in love with him.”
“I said don’t say it, dammit.” She blinked back the tears that threatened to spill.
“Well, someone has to! Look what it’s done to you!” Carmela paced and Alex went back to her papers. “Why aren’t you moving on from this hot mess?”
“Because having any part of him is better than having none of him,” Alex answered.
“Bull fucking shit. Because you think he’ll change his mind. Because you thinkyoucan change his mind, changehim, into what you want.” She stopped in front of her desk again. “You’re smarter than that.”
Alex stood up finally, pissed at her cousin for hitting the mark. “I agreed to his terms, Carm. I said I was up for fun and no commitment. I was the idiot that started this with a blow job in public and then escalated it by fucking him in a freaking bathroom at a bar. What am I supposed to do, tell him I want to change things up now that he’s interested? Bait and switch?”
Carmela breathed in deeply, letting it out on a sigh. “I don’t know, but avoiding the world isn’t going to fix things, either.”
“I’m not avoiding the world. We’re going to the movies this weekend. I’m here every day, doing my job, when all I want is to curl up in bed and never get out of it.” She blinked back tears again. “I’m fine.”
“You’re full of shit.”
“Maybe, but it is what it is.” Alex sat back down. “I want to get through these so I don’t have to bring them home with me.”
Carmela had to get back to the front desk, anyway. She stepped behind the desk and leaned over Alex to hug her. “I love your stubborn ass.”
“Love you, too.”
Alex relaxed when Carmela left. She hated that it was so obvious that she was struggling. She’d thought she was making a good effort, but all that work was for nothing. Though maybe it wasn’t obvious to everyone, just the ones related to her. She was going to try harder, that was for sure. She didn’t want Grant to know anything was wrong.
She met him at the movie theater that Saturday morning. She wondered at first why he wanted to go so early, but she figured it out when the movie started and they were still alone. Through the previews and opening credits, Grant didn’t say anything or make any moves, making her think she’d guessed wrong. She settled more comfortably into the plush, reclining seat and focused on the movie.
Or she tried to. A few minutes later she felt Grant’s hot breath on her ear. He licked the shell, nibbled on her lobe, and kissed along behind it until she was thoroughly distracted from what was happening on-screen. When she shifted her legs and leaned toward him, he took the initiative and ran his hand down inside the neckline of her shirt. She moaned when he found her peaked nipple and pinched it.
“I need you, Alex.”
The thought of her getting in his lap again and bringing up memories of the other times they’d had sex that way made her unhappy. She was frustrated at herself for wanting more, for needing variety. Instead of climbing on top of him, she lowered herself to the floor and tried not to think about how gross the knees of her jeans would be later.
He sat up straighter and gathered her hair behind her head as she unzipped his jeans. He was hard, always hard, around her. She pumped him a few times before dropping her head and taking as much of him into her mouth as she could. She wasn’t surprised to have flashbacks of the first time she did this. She was not sure that this was the better choice for her sanity after all. Grant rested his hand on the back of her head and it wasn’t long before he was pushing to guide her. Alex realized a few minutes too late that she was going to be forced to swallow, but it also wouldn’t be the first time.
He was grunting softly as she worked her mouth up and down his shaft, swirling her tongue around the head before swallowing him as he hit the back of her throat. She was about to have to give up and use her hands if he didn’t come soon; her jaw ached. Clearly, he wasn’t in a state of mind to give a shit as he lifted his hips and stifled a groan as he shot his load down her throat.
There was nothing to wipe her mouth on but her shirt. She raised the hem enough to swipe at her chin as she crouched and tried to sit stealthily back in her seat. She had no way of knowing if anyone was in the projection booth and she didn’t want to be kicked out of the theater for what she’d just done. She would die of embarrassment.
“Alex.”
