Mary-Jane shrugged. “Call it an even five hundred. Same as that pet deposit you still owe me.”
Fucking bitch. At this rate, I’m never going to be able to afford my own fucking place.
I tapped around on my phone and sent her both payments, draining my dwindling savings. “There. Anything else?” I asked sarcastically. I half expected her to ask for more.
Mary-Jane’s lips curled as she checked her phone and played with her long, vibrant red hair. “We’ll see.” She looked at her phone again. “Ope, my ride is here. Try not to have too much fun tonight. I just know how wild your nights can get with your cat.” She made a face, and I knew she felt good about her dig.
She spun around and left the apartment, leaving me all alone. And feeling like shit.
I waited for her to leave before completely losing my shit. “Uh! Fuck me!” I groaned. “Why the fuck did I ever think moving in with her was a good idea?” Kush watched me pace around the room as my anger grew. “I’m so fucking sick of this! I’m sick of living here, sick of seeing her fucking face, and I’m sick of waiting for Haze to just show up!” I plopped down at the foot of my bed in a huff. My heart was racing, and I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. Panic and anxiety flooded my veins as I sat there and drowned in all my emotions. “What is wrong with me? How could I just walk away? Why did I just abandon him?” Kush stumbled over and rubbed against my legs as he purred. “I know. I just…I miss him.”
I sat there in my sullen moment for some time, realizing that no matter what, this was my life now. I was condemned to this apartment—this room—and I fucking hated it. I felt like all of my depressed emotions were swallowing me whole, sucking all the life out of me and leaving nothing but pain. If I didn’t escape, even for a few minutes, I felt like I would die from heartbreak.
“I—I need to get out of here.” I rushed from my bed and grabbed a thin slip dress. “I can’t live like this anymore.” I grabbed a pair of black leather boots. “I need to get out of here. I need to breathe. I need to feel something…anything!” Kush jumped from the bed and returned to the closet door, clawingand scratching as he meowed. I stood and walked over to the closet, knowing what was inside it.
I need my brother.
I opened the closet door and was immediately hit with the overwhelming scent of him. My eyes watered at the sight of Haze’s things, neatly packed away and tucked inside the small space. I kept everything as a way of trying to hide away from the world and keep him close, but in the end, it felt more like a prison. And I was reminded of his absence every second of every day, desperately crying out for him. It was killing me.
“I can’t do it anymore, Kush. I can’t live without him.” A small tear trailed down my cheek. “Fuck, I need to clear my head!” I wiped the tear away and reached into the closet, finding Haze’s leather jacket. As I slid my arms inside the sleeves, the smell of him instantly engulfed my body, both comforting and torturing me. I pulled it close, closing my eyes as I took a deep breath.
Where are you, Haze?
Another tear fell down my cheek as I stood there.
I miss you…so much.
Kush meowed again, breaking me from the moment. He rubbed along my legs and purred, watching me closely. “I know.” I wiped my eyes and picked the chunkster up. “It’s just not right being here without him.” I nestled the cat close and kissed the top of his head. “I’ll be back soon, okay? I just…need some time to myself. I need a break from this hellhole.” He blinked. “Be a good little pothead.” I kissed the cat’s head again and placed him atop my bed. “I’ll be back…eventually.” I grabbed my phone.
As I walked towards the front door of the apartment, I couldn’t help but search my phone. I tapped away at the screen and scrolled through my messages, hoping somehow I had missed something, but just like every day since Halloween, therewas nothing. Only the old sent messages of me trying to reach out. Messages he never even read.
Where the hell are you, Haze? And why haven’t you responded?
I grabbed my car keys and rushed from the apartment, locking it on my way out. The night was freezing, and the air was filled with a gentle mist. “Fuck, it’s so cold.” I clutched Haze’s jacket tighter as I rushed to the classic black Mustang parked out front, quickly unlocking it and tucking inside. The white leather seats were always so comforting, just like the lingering smell of my brother that surrounded me. The car had been Haze’s, but ever since he went on the run, I’d been taking care of it for him, just like I knew he’d want.
“Come on, baby, purr for me.” I twisted the key in the ignition, and the car roared to life, vibrating my entire body as it hummed just right. I smiled, the sound being another layer of comfort, reminding me of my brother. “There she is.” I put the car in drive and rolled from the apartment onto the main road, driving through the misty cold night. “Time to get the fuck away from here.”
My mind wandered as I drove for a ways, losing myself in endless thoughts and worries. I needed to clear my head, but instead I found myself reeling. I was hyperfocused on Haze, questioning everything. I couldn’t think or even focus on anything except him. And I felt crazy.
Why won’t he text me? Does he no longer want me? Was it all a mistake? No, it can’t be…but then, why haven’t I heard from him? Why hasn’t he contacted me at all? Fuck, where are you, Haze?
I looked down at my phone, wishing it would light up. But it didn’t.
I hope he’s okay. Maybe I should text him again? No, you’re being ridiculous, Indi! He obviously would reach out if he could. Right?
I looked down at my phone again and my stomach turned. “Fuck this.” I snatched it up, steering the car with one hand as I unlocked it and tapped into my messages, scrolling. I found the thread I was looking for, and sent a quick text to the unknown number. My stomach twisted as I waited for the message to be delivered. Nervous anxiety pressed against my shoulders as I stared at the screen. My phone beeped and I gasped. “What the fuck?” The message showed it couldn't be delivered and my heart sank.
The realization that I had no way to contact Haze made me sick. And sent me off the deep end.
What the fuck? What the fuck! Why?
Rain tapped against the car as I drove further out, checking my phone over and over again.
Why can’t I text him? Did something happen? Wait, did he get caught? Or hurt? Fuck, where are you, Haze? Where are you? Why won’t you answer me? Why?
My hands slammed against the steering wheel. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I began to panic when I looked up in the rearview mirror and noticed a single headlight in the distance. I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but it was…gaining on me. “What the—” It quickly sped up until it was tailgating. I tapped my brakes and brake-checked them, but it didn’t seem to bother whoever it was. “Just go around!” I waved my hand, hoping they’d speed around and pass me. But they didn’t. They just kept following me.
“Seriously? Oh fuck me, I don’t have time for this shit,” I grumbled. My foot hit the gas and I sped up, taking off, leaving the motorcycle behind. I glanced back down at my phone and tried to send a second message, but I got the same automatic reply. And I knew the only reason my texts wouldn’t send, wouldbe because he’d either gotten a new number…or he’d blocked me.
