As the hymn ended, the last strains of the song seemed to fuse with the gray morning light. It wasn’t just grief that hung in the air. There was hope also—hope of a better life, one beyond the veil of this world, full of the promise of no more sorrow or pain. That hope washed over Jacob, pulling on his heart, coaxing him out of the mire of anger raging inside. He stood rooted to the earth, staring at the patterned rock that made up Danny’s cairn.Never forget.
By twos and threes, the somber travelers paid their respects and left. The Leightons lingered, as did the Schmidts. Hannah stood to the side, weeping into a lace-edged handkerchief. But even those dear friends felt the pull of the thousand miles yet to Oregon and finally slipped away, gathering their wagons to move on. At last, after everyone had left, Jacob took off his hat and stepped up to the McGraths.
“Aaron, I’m”—his voice cracked—“I’m so sorry. I tried. I tried to save him.”
Aaronbrought Jacob into a fierce hug. “Ach, lad, I know you did. Thank you for tryin’. It’s because of what you did that we had the chance to say goodbye.” They broke apart, Jacob swallowing hard against the tears that threatened to spill over. Ian pulled him into another rough embrace, clasping his shoulder, unable to speak, grief and gratitude shining in his eyes.
Then there was Kate. She stared off at the distant hills, jaw clenched, body stiff with the effort of holding in her sorrow. He crushed the brim of his hat in his hands, the rain dampening his hair. What could he say? All he wanted was to comfort her, to take away her pain and tell her it was all going to be okay, but the words wouldn’t come. He stepped up to her and she turned her tortured eyes to his. The depth of pain he saw there broke his heart. “Oh Kate,” he whispered.
Her face slowly crumpled, and she raised a shaking hand to her mouth as if to hold back the waves of grief contained in her body. But they were too strong. A quiet groan came from deep inside her. He reached out and gathered her gently into his arms as the dam finally broke, her grief crashing around him as she clung to him, body shaking, sobbing into his shoulder.
“He’s gone!” Her voice was raw and ragged.
“I know, I know,” he said.
“He was my other half!”
“Shhh, I know, Kate, I know.”
She wept and wept, deep wracking sobs, until at last she asked in an agonized whisper, “What will I do without him?”
The pain of that question burned into his heart. He remembered asking that same question when he had lost his own brother. He spoke softly in her ear. “One day, you’ll remember him, and it won’t be just sadness you feel.”
Kate’s breathing slowed, the tide of her grief beginning to ebb away. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
She sighed and went still in his arms. She felt like broken glass. He just wanted to fit all the pieces back together, to heal her heart, to make her whole again, but he knew what a long road it would be, how even he was still hit by the pain of his own loss all these years later. So he just held her. He stood in the cold rain and held her until she took a deep, shuddering breath and broke away, wiping her face with a trembling hand.
“If there’s anythin’ I can do,” he started. “I mean, if you need anythin’, anythin’ at all, I’m here. I’m always here.”
She looked up at him, tears clinging to her lashes like diamonds. She gave him the smallest of smiles. “Thank you, Jacob,” she whispered.
Chapter 24
Onthemorningofthe sixth day after Danny’s death, the train halted at the Lander Cutoff as two families readied themselves to strike out on their own and settle in the rugged foothills of the Wind River Mountains.
Jacob approached the McGrath wagon, a wrapped package under his arm. Kate stood at the back, folding and refolding a pile of blankets and rags, her hands moving automatically as she stared blankly at the canvas cover in front of her. Dark smudges circled her eyes, and her face was drawn and pale. Jacob cleared his throat. “Mornin’, Kate.”
Her eyes flickered toward him. “Mornin’,” she said. Her voice sounded so small. She folded another blanket.
Jacob shifted the package to his other arm. “So, ah, your Pa and Ian are gatherin’ the stock?”
She nodded. A patterned quilt joined the others. “Andrew’s helpin’. Pa told me to stay here with Ma.” She glanced up into the dark interior of the wagon.
Jacob nodded, not knowing what to say. He hadn’t seen Edith since the funeral.
Kate finished the last blanket then started sorting them by size. Jacob stepped up beside her and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Kate, why don’t you stop for a spell.”
She shook off his hand and continued her work. “No. I can’t. There’s too much to do. I can’t stop. If I stop, I’ll—” She cutoff, jaw clenching.
Gently but firmly, Jacob took her hand in his. She stilled, looking away, chin quivering, her face a mask of grief. He tried to catch her eye. “Then come for a walk with me.”
She shook her head. “No, I shouldn’t leave Ma.”
“Please?” he asked. “I’d like to speak with you ’fore you leave.” She paused, looking at him for the first time. She gave a small nod. He smiled softly and offered his arm.
They walked slowly out into the plains, away from the bustling noise of the train until the only sound around them was the dry rustling of the bluestem and buffalo grass. The wind danced across the hillsides and rushed past them, tugging a strand of chestnut hair out of Kate’s braid. She absently tucked it behind her ear. Jacob rubbed a hand over his beard, resisting the urge to wrap her in his arms. What should he say? How could he tell her that all he wanted to do was to hold her until all her pain washed away? He squinted at the sky. “You must be glad the Leightons are comin’ with y’all.”
