So Father approved, did he? Their terse talk felt more like verbal sparring. She sipped her coffee, waiting for the next volley.
“I was rather taken aback.” He brought a serviette to his lips. “I thought the captain had come not to talk about the island’s light but something else entirely.”
His resumed courtship of her, perhaps?
“I find the light altogether fascinating,” she replied, certain of where he was headed and desperate to turn the tide of conversation. “Such a beacon is overdue.”
“Long overdue. The captain even made mention of it being your idea to begin with.”
Had he? The words rang hollow.
“But I digress.” Her father’s face beneath his unpowdered wig looked grave. “With Chaplain Autrey’s pursuit, you have an opportunity for change.”
Her spoon hovered over her untouched flummery. “You would have me be the mistress of a plantation of over a hundred Africans, in direct opposition to our faith and even the Freedom Society you are a part of?”
“Nay. That is not my decision but yours. Yet it begs considering. As mistress, you might implement change.”
But not the one she wanted. Not the change that would come from loving a man so much she’d face those challenges gladly.
Her headache thundered between her temples. She set down her spoon, half sick.
“I thought perhaps that after visiting the Autrey aunts, you had some regard for him,” her father said.
“’Twas Eliza’s doing. Repaying a social call.”
“Will you receive him, then, once he is settled at Mount Autrey?”
Would she? The prospect was as appealing as yesterday’s porridge. “I shan’t play him false and encourage him. So, nay.”
“Keep an open mind, Daughter.” He motioned for more coffee as a servant reappeared. “When your mother and I were courting, she herself was unsure at first. Her family had higher hopes for her than a mere sailor. But I finally won them—and more importantly, her—over. I practiced patience until she came to know me better. With her by my side, I soon rose in the ranks of the Royal Navy. I’m a better man because of your mother, and there’s not a day goes by that I don’t wish she were still by my side. I simply want to see you settled, a family about you, like your sister.”
Rarely did he speak of the past. Eliza’s fortuitous match had been a joy to him. He was very fond of Quinn and anticipated his first grandchild. Esmée, on the other hand, had been at home with him all her life, nursed Mama till the end, and fully expected to do the same with him when his time came.
A niggling suspicion bloomed. Might he have another reason for seeing her settled? If she wed, would he return to sea as she suspected?
His gaze grew shrewd. “I sense you are still torn over Captain Lennox.”
Could he see straight to her heart?Tornwas an understatement. “Captain Lennox and I are now ... friends.” The word pained her no matter how much she used it. To be just friends made her especially heartsore.
“Friends? Glad I am to hear it.” He nodded as if it confirmed something that had passed between him and the captain about the matter. “There are men made more for their professions than marriage.Captain Lennox is one of them. He is too great an asset to the colonial cause—to England’s cause—to remain ashore at such a critical juncture. The sooner you reconcile yourself to that fact, the better.”
His firm words snuffed the last of her hopes. Why had she let hope take hold? Hope that Henri had had a change of heart. That he’d had enough of the sea. That they’d have a future together after long years apart.
“Sir...” The messenger at the door brought her father to his feet. “There’s been a disturbance at the coffeehouse. Thievery, one of your indentures is saying.”
With a last word to Esmée, her father excused himself to return to Water Street and the trouble there.
Esmée watched the candelabra cast shadows on the portraits of prior Shaws hanging upon the paneled walls, the beeswax candles melting lower and lower, her spirits with them. What did the Lord have in store for her? Was it in the form of Nathaniel Autrey and not Henri Lennox? Was she blinded by the one and not able to clearly see the other? She knew little of Nathaniel, but in truth, her would-be suitor was not of the same caliber. He was shorter, slender, and more softly spoken, with eyes so nondescript they almost held no color at all. But for his blaze of hair...
For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.
Duly chastised, Esmée closed her eyes and confessed all dissatisfaction. Who was she to discount the man if he was the Lord’s choice for her? Many married for reasons other than love. Was it not better than life alone? Yet was that reasoning not flawed? Didn’t Nathaniel Autrey deserve more than a half-hearted bride?
As for remaining a spinster, she’d grown used to her solitary state. But she did not sit idly by and lament she had no mate. Her hours were filled with family. The almshouse. Business. Friends. And she was about to become an aunt, if not a wife and mother.
Life was all about how you looked at it, was it not?
CHAPTER
