Annabelle quickly seasoned the food with salt and pepper, spooned it onto plates, and joined Elaine at the dining table. Before she was even finished saying the blessing, a crash sounded from the alley outside, and Elaine startled, covering her head with her hands. Annabelle darted to the window wherea squealing horse mingled with the shouts from some men in the street below.
“No need to worry,” she said. “There’s an overturned cart in the alley. Potatoes scattered everywhere.”
The racket wasn’t going to end anytime soon, so Annabelle closed the window. It was warm in the apartment, but the commotion outside was needlessly stressful for Elaine.
Annabelle leaned her forehead against the glass and framed her words carefully. “I’ve been offered an interesting opportunity,” she began. “The Smithsonian has long wanted to get a peek inside a rather unique collection of greenhouses. The owner is notoriously private and has always refused ... but he’s going to open it up to me this weekend.”
Elaine set her fork down. “Where is it?”
“It’s around thirty miles from here. It’s in a very rural area, and I was told I’ll need to get there by river. I could leave Saturday morning and be back by nightfall on Sunday.”
Elaine’s hand clenched around the fork, and her entire body tensed. “I can’t get on a boat. You know I can’t.”
“You can stay here. I’ll only be gone two days.”
“I can’t be alone that long.I can’t.”
“You won’t be entirely alone. You’ve met Mr. and Mrs. Hillenbrand across the hall. They’re here if you need help.”
Elaine shook her head, tight little movements like a bumblebee trapped in a jar. “I know I ask a lot of you, but you can’t leave me alone. You can’t.”
“It’s summer, so there won’t be any need for a flame. I’ll lay in food that won’t need heating. You can bring home braille books from the library. You’ll be all right.”
Her sister’s entire body started to shake, and her breath came short and fast as panic descended. “You can’t go.”
“I’m doing this forus. If I can get cuttings of a particular orchid, the director has promised to find me a permanent position. In the long run it will be for the best.”
Elaine clenched her eyes shut and clamped her jaw, but a long keening scream leaked out anyway. Annabelle reached out to grab Elaine’s hands, for these attacks of panic were terrifying to both of them, with the panting, dizziness, and trembling. Once begun, an overwhelming sense of dread could overcome Elaine for hours.
“You can’t know,” Elaine wailed. “You can’t know what it’s like to hear a board creak and not know what’s going on. Don’t talk about ‘the long run,’because it’s all I can do to get through today. ‘The long run’ terrifies me because I’ll be old and gray but I’ll still be blind!”
She sobbed, rocking back and forth and accidentally knocking over the water pitcher. It smashed on the floor with a loud crash, which frightened Elaine all over again. She flinched, covering her head and shaking as the panic took root.
“It’s all right,” Annabelle said. “It’s only a broken pitcher, it’s all right.”
But it wasn’t, and Elaine struggled to breathe through the endless sobs. Then came a pounding on their front door.
“Miss Larkin? What’s going on in there?” The door handle wiggled, but it was locked.
Annabelle raced to the door and cracked it open to see old Mr. Hillenbrand looking in with concern.
“It’s okay. We’re fine,” she lied before closing the door and returning to Elaine, stepping around the broken shards of the pitcher.
Elaine’s breathing was still ragged but had begun to slow. These attacks of crushing panic were rare now, and moving to Washington had sparked a glimmer of hope that Elaine could find a meaningful outlet for her intelligence, but it was still a struggle. Every day was still a struggle, and the spells of panic could descend without warning.
“Please don’t go,” Elaine said. “Some other job opportunity will come up. It doesn’t have to be at the Smithsonian.”
“Of course.” Work as a botanist suited Annabelle perfectly, but she could find some other job if need be. Sacrifices were going to have to be made, for sometimes there weren’t many choices in life. After all, Elaine would never have chosen to be blind, so they had to find a way to make the best of it.
“Stay where you are while I clean up the glass,” Annabelle said.
She swept the broken shards into a mound while Elaine sat weak and despondent. “I’m such a useless person,” she whispered. “I don’t know why I’m still alive.”
Annabelle took a steadying breath. “You’re still alive because as hard as it is, you are further along than that soldier who won’t do anything but shuffle cards all night. He needs you. His wife needs you. You’re still alive because God has plans for you, even if we don’t understand what they are yet.”
It was impossible for mere mortals to understand the tapestry of blessings and tragedies God wove into their lives, but there had to be a meaning in it somewhere, and it was her duty to help Elaine find it.
“God led us here,” Annabelle whispered. “He planted a hope in your heart that was strong enough to send us a thousand miles across the country. There is a reason, and we’ll keep going until we find it. We can’t falter now.”
