“In Italy, briefly, it seemed a solution. I found I didn’t suit.”
She chuckled and it turned into a giggle, a giggle of delight because it was sinking in that she’d won. She’d made a bold move, and she’d won!
“We really will marry? In the spring?”
But he moved back and rose again. “No. This is a momentary madness. You’ll be sane again in days.”
“No, I won’t. I’ve loved you for years!”
“How could you have?”
She was already regretting her admission. “We did meet all those years ago. You were handsome, charming, and kind.”
“I was a swollen-headed young idiot. Ariana, I hardly noticed you.”
“I know. But I never forgot you, and you are now a man to admire.”
“For what? I married rashly, and when fate was cruel, I ran away, neglecting my family, my estates, and my other responsibilities. I could at the least have joined Wellington’s army and wasted my life more usefully.”
“No!” she protested, rising to her feet. “You did what you had to do, and since returning—”
“I’ve resorted to drink. I’m not worthy of you.”
“That’s for me to decide. You’ve shown strength and resolution, and I love you. I need you.” She managednot to say,Don’t run away again, but perhaps he heard it, for he turned and plunged into the other room. Ariana regarded the slammed door ruefully. She was unskilled at managing men. Another woman would have done better.
She couldn’t give up now, however. She sensed the same physical needs in him as raged in her, and the deeper desires and emotions as well.
She thought of Ethel, who’d clearly seen what she wanted and set about it, grasping the means of going north that Norris and Phyllis had presented. Perhaps she was even now with Lord Inching, persuading him that marriage would be a perfect conclusion. Which it probably would be. Ethel would manage Inching, and they’d live happily together in Cumberland, undisturbed by the world’s opinion.
Seen in that light, her own obstacles seemed insignificant. The world would regard her marriage to Kynaston as highly satisfactory, and she felt sure that in time she could make him happy. He wanted her as much as she wanted him.
What she was contemplating was wicked, but it might win her the ultimate prize. He was too honorable to abandon her once they’d anticipated their marriage.
She summoned an inn maidservant to help her undress. “I didn’t expect to stay,” she explained to the plump lass, “so I have neither maid nor nightclothes.”
“I could maybe find you a nightdress, milady.”
“My shift will suffice, but perhaps you could sponge off my gown so it will be fit to be seen tomorrow.”
“Of course, milady. And your cloak?”
“I might need that.”
When the maid had taken off her corset, Ariana sent her away and considered herself in the mirror. She wasn’tsure what clothing would be seductive, but her sturdy linen shift, hanging shapeless down to her calves, didn’t seem likely. Nor did her thick gray worsted stockings and leather half boots.
She had to wear something on her feet, however, or she’d freeze. There were no carpets on the floor here and it was cold. The air was cold, too, despite the fire, so she picked up her fur-lined cloak and put it on, pulling up the hood.
Ah, better. More covered, but more pleasing.
The cloak reminded her of the night she’d wandered Lady Cawle’s house and seen Kynaston return, dreadfully drunk. That had been the culmination of the day on which he’d encountered Cleo. “Your ghost needs to be exorcised, Seraphina,” she said aloud. “Are you restless because of where he had you buried? I promise to have you brought back to rest in English soil, if you will only leave him in peace. Leave us in peace.” She considered herself in the small inadequate mirror. “Not that this sight will break any man’s will. Help me, Seraphina. Help me, Cleo.”
The adjoining door opened and she turned to face it, to face him.
“Are you all right?” he asked. “I heard voices.”
“One voice,” she said hoarsely, for he was undressed down to his pantaloons and shirt, which was open at the neck. “I was talking to myself.”
“You’re cold. I’ll order warming pans, and then you’d best be in bed.”
