“I’m good, bruh. I can’t work out with you when I got shit to do. You kick my ass too hard.” Deven laughed from his bed.
“Your loss,” I said, tying my shoes. When I stood up, his eyes were closed. “Hey! You better be dressed and ready when I get back.”
“Yes,sir!” he said with closed eyes and a shitty smirk.
I hit the gym hard. I always did when I was in the field. It reminded me of Alec, but also kept the sadness at bay. A man can only feel so bad when his muscles are screaming and testosterone is pumping. It was when I stopped I missed him the most. But at least then, I was too exhausted to dwell.
Like the good Jr. Rep. Deven was, he was dressed and ready, as I asked. I showered, and we met the rest of the teamfor breakfast. They were waiting for us, but we weren’t the last to arrive. Lisa and her Jr. Rep. were.
“Ok, we’re here. Let’s go,” Lisa said only to me as she sauntered into the lobby.
The Sr. Reps. embraced me as one of their own when I was promoted. My opinion mattered. They looked at me when I spoke and kept eye contact as they replied. But the weirdest thing was that I had taken Alec’s social place. At least Lisa treated me that way.
So much of the group’s dynamic had hinged on their flirtatious rivalry. Once I was a Sr. Rep., Lisa shifted that onto me. Like vying for attention against me. Or asking me to confirm her choice for lunch outings or other petty group decisions. She generally treated me as her male counterpart. The king to her queen. The sales department dad to her mom. I didn’thateit, but I sure as shit didn’t love it.
As we migrated to the breakfast buffet, Lisa told me how hot her new yoga instructor was. She was wondering how she could get me to meet him to see if he gave off a gay vibe when her arm slammed into my chest.
“Holy fuck is that… Alec?!” Lisa said.
I followed her line of sight, and my heart froze in my chest. My lungs seized, and I had to adjust my stance or risk falling over.
There was Alec Whitaker, but all I saw was his face at my front door before I left.
“Mason… I…”
Why did I leave?
“I’m sorry.”
How could I watch his heart break?
My breathing slowed, and my heart rate increased as I took him in. How did he look younger than the last time I saw him? And was he in better shape? He looked slimmer yet morebuilt, like he’d spent the year flying through bulking and cutting phases. From so far away, I couldn’t tell if he had grown a beard or if he just didn’t shave. But what really caught my eye were his glasses. I’d never seen him wear them in public. Did his vision get worse? I didn’t know and didn’t care. He looked amazing—drop-dead, fucking gorgeous.
I wanted to drop dead.
I couldn’t. I had to move. By the time I breathed again, the rest of my group had already approached Alec. If I didn’t, I’d get questions of why not. Would I have the energy after seeing him—and realizing we’d be in the same place for the next two days—to weave some fantastic tale about why I didn’t want to talk to him?
It didn’t fucking matter because I wanted to speak with him. Needed to. Not for closure, not to ask forgiveness or demand he seek the same. I just needed to hear his fucking voice.
I watched his reaction to seeing them, and then scan the crowd, looking at each one. Maybe, with his glasses, he saw their faces clearly for the first time. Or maybe he was looking for someone who wasn’t there.
That was it. Alec’s face fell when he reached the last of them. Then he saw me approach. We held each other’s eye for less than a fraction of a second, but centuries passed between us. The closer I got, the better he looked and the more twisted my guts became. It was a beard, and new glasses. Both looked so fucking good on him, it made me want to puke.
As I reached them, I held out my hand. “Alec. Wow. Good to see you, man. Been a while.”
“A year,” he said, making eye contact again.
If centuries passed before, eons fell between us. Alec’s face barely moved. I was sure I was the only one to perceive it, but a million emotions and unspoken words crossed thegap. Horror, surprise, regret, sorrow, longing, and something I couldn’t place.
Lisa said, “Ok. So what fuck, Alec? Where the fuck did you go?” Her tone was sharp, but softened with a chuckle. “Did you testify against the mob and had to go into witness protection, or something?”
Alec’s face heated, his cheeks turning bright red. He chuckled against it. “No, not quite. But I guess I owe you guys an explanation and an apology. I’ve wanted to reach out, but going back can be hard.”
Lisa’s posture relaxed into her trademark nonchalance. “Mm-hmm. Well, spill. Where have you been? Why did you leave like that?”
“First of all, I am sorry for how I left. It was unprofessional, and frankly, just not cool. In my defense, I wasn’t in my right mind.” He exhaled, caught my eye, and looked away. “The long and short of it is that I was barely holding it together after my divorce. Then I started seeing someone way too soon and got my heart broken. It all fell apart, and I needed to get away. A clean break from all of it. It was supremely shitty of me because you weren’t just my colleagues, but my friends. I should’ve reached out once I was doing better.”
He would’ve never been so honest a year before. Not outside my apartment, anyway, and definitely not in front of the entire sales team. I wasn’t the only one thrown off.
