“Alec, what the actual fuck, man?” My heart thudded, and my breath was shallow. “Were you not listening to anything I just said?”
“I’m not proposing to you, Mason. Calm down.” He laughed inappropriately. “We’ll still travel, see the world, all that. We won’t be little people living little lives.” He laughed again.“But we can do it together. And not worry about getting fired if we slip up anymore.” Another laugh, making my vision blur.
“Hoooooly fuck. What? What even? No, man. No. That’s not…” I stood up and grabbed my shirt. “What in the fuck makes you think I’d be okay with that?” I almost tore my shirt as I put it on.
“Be okay withwhat?” Alec said with a sneer, his mood finally catching up to mine.
“You just got divorced!” I grabbed my neck. “We can’t… you’re not evendivorcedyet!”
He searched my face. It made me ill. “Yeah. I did. But this is better. You were just sayingmove on.My marriage was dead a long time ago. She’s dating. There’s no reason I can’t.”
“Dating? Alec, we’re notdating.We’re fucking.” That wasn’t true, and we both knew it.
“What?Welivetogether…” His voice rose. “We sleep in the same bed. Fuck all the time. Share most of our meals. For fuck’s sake, we were just cuddling on the couch. What the hell is that other than dating?” He stood up, too. “If we’re not dating, then we’re fuckingboyfriends.”
My breath came in rapid shards. “Alec, that’s not… we’re not… I’m not ready foranythinglike that.”
“Ready forwhat?” Alec was getting more spirited. “Something stable and real? Something long-lasting? Something that grounds you? C’mon, man. Grow up,” He said with a snort.
“No, it’s… it’s not about that…” I couldn’t look at him, and my hands felt shaky.
“Then what the fuckisit about?” Alec was just short of shouting, but his voice boomed around my apartment, and in my head.
I winced. “You’re really freaking me out right now, man.”
“Freaking you out? What the fuck? We just said we loved each other for the first time, and I want to be your boyfriend—I already fucking AM!” He threw his hands above his head. “For fuck’s sake, Mason. Why are you acting like this?”
I was close to hyperventilating. “You’re making me feel trapped.” I moved my shoulder blades against each other in a half-assed self-massage. “Like I can’t breathe.”
“I’m making you feel trapped?” Alec said, both wounded and shocked. “Talking about a real relationship with me—arelationship,not marriage or buying a fucking house—makes you feel trapped?”
“Not you. I just… holy shit… I feel… like…corneredright now.”
His voice rose to a shout. “Does even the idea of something serious with me fuckingterrifyyou?”
He took a step toward me, and I took one back. I saw the offense I was causing all over his face. His red, glossy eyes made my stomach churn.
My body buzzed, and I felt dizzy. “I…” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I need to get out of here.”
“Get out of where?” Alec said as I walked into the bedroom. “Where are you going?” He followed me. “What are you doing?” I ignored him. “Mason!”
I’d packed so many times in my life I could do it on autopilot. Ten minutes for a work trip; it took me less than three. I always kept my travel toiletry bag pre-packed. Underwear, shirts, pants, and some shoes. My phone changer almost broke when I ripped it out of the wall.
“Mason, what are you doing? What the fuck, man?! Why are you ignoring me?” Alec said as I shoved things in my bag without looking at him.
His tone slipped from angry and offended to scared. “Talk to me, man. Please. If you don’t want to tell HR, then we won’t.”
I couldn’t look at him as I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out of my room.
“Mason… I…” He followed me out of the bedroom, but I didn’t look back until I was at the front door. “I’m sorry.”
I turned around to see his heart break. Then left.
Chapter Fourteen
The door was heavy. Resort room doors always were. A thick, artificial hibiscus odor blanketed the room. Automatic lights flicked on as I walked in, illuminating my surroundings. I dropped my bag on the bed. Then my ass.
A giant, thin, frail-looking television hung on the wall before me—another, opposite the gaudy, floral print sofa and loveseat. Heavy, oppressive curtains in the same material blocked any light from the balcony. Each surface in the white marble and chrome bathroom reflected my exhausted, gaunt face. Every fabric was mushy and opulent under my touch. Not that I saw or touched anything for some time. I didn’t stand up for at least a half hour.
