“He really likes you, you know. Genuinely. I’ve never seen him enamored by anyone before. He doesn’t usually like to touch others, but it doesn’t seem to bother him with you.”
The last bit clicks together like a puzzle piece I’ve kicked under the couch and forgotten about, only to fish it back out weeks later and place it into its proper spot. I remember his strange, confused expression that night at the club, when he caught me in the hall and held me against him. Each time he brushed my face, he seemed to repeat the action, expecting a different outcome.
It makes so much sense that he has issues with touch. I wonder if it truly doesn’t bother him with me.
“I know he’s likely hidden a lot of this from you, but it wasn’t personal. Being part of this world destroyed him. It wreaked havoc on his family. I’m sure he thought keeping you out of it was the only way to keep you safe.”
I blow out a breath, trying to consider Ivan’s perspective from a neutral standpoint. There’s stuff about my past that I hadn’t wanted to share right off the bat, either. Stuff that makes me bad at trusting, too.
We sit in silence a bit longer, watching the sun crawl under the horizon, the rain picking up against the street.
“I better report back,” Ivan eventually says, breaking our quiet, cozy bubble.
I nod, reaching to crack open the passenger door before I stop, turning back to him.
“Thank you, by the way.”
“For what?”
“For sharing it all with me.”
I slide the jacket back over my body and hurry through the drenching rain to the warm enclave of my house. By the time I lock the door and hover at the kitchen window, the car is gone, water pouring into the empty void on the street where it once stood.
Mikhail
Mindlessly picking at the dry callus on my thumb, I slink back in the uncomfortable chair, listening to the unpleasant drone of Dr. Rosencrantz’s shrill voice.
“From the small portion you’ve shared with me about your past, it sounds like your trust has been violated time and time again.”
Not this again.
“I run a fucking Bratva. It comes with the territory.” I growl sharply, earning the familiar, annoying tut sound she so often uses with me.
“What did we talk about before, Mikhail? You are cursing to avoid using emotive words, and we need to dig into those feelings that I’m bringing up.”
“Fine,” I say, exhaling a long-suffering sigh. “Yes, my trust is violated often. It’s a frustrating reality that comes hand-in-hand with my career choice.”
“Fascinating. So this frustrates you?”
“What the hell does this have to do with earning Cassandra back?” I snap, leaning forward.
“That’s an excellent connection, Mikhail! Let’s dig into that, shall we?”
I groan, sitting back once more. I always fall for her little word traps.
“You said Cassandra communicated to you her frustration that you two didn’t actually get to know each other, correct?”
“Yes, but she’s wrong. I know everything I need to know, and I’ll happily learn the rest?—”
“Ah ah,” she cuts me off, raising my fucking blood pressure all over again. “We are not talking about servingyourneeds right now, but instead, zooming in on Cassandra’s needs. She communicated her desire to know more about you. Do you think it’s possible that you have avoided opening yourself up to her at any point in your interactions with each other?”
I consider the question, staring down at my raw, calloused finger once again. I have avoided sharing any specifics about the Bratva and my position in it, but that was for her own safety. The more she knows about my business, the more danger she is in. I was protecting her.
“Have you shared any of your values with her? Any of the elements you wrote down in your happiness prompt last week?”
“No. We haven’t had the time to share any of that stuff yet. It can come later. I’ll spend the rest of my life showing her the things I care about and learning about her.”
“Mikhail, you have violated Cassandra’s trust. As someone who is intimately familiar with that feeling, you should be able to resonate with her emotions right now. I don’t think closing yourself off is going to earn you a chance at that happily ever after you desire. I suggest you start opening yourself up now.”
