‘I am sorry. I should not have been gone for so long.’
‘You are here now,’ she said with a bright smile that did not quite reach her eyes.
Did she hate him?
She turned the flatbreads and then sighed deeply. ‘I am so sorry, Runar.’
His head snapped up in surprise. ‘Why?’
‘You told me to always go inside when the warning spoons chimed, and I did the opposite. Not only that, but I went out without having any protection, and I endangered Sten! I have always known that I was not suited to this life, but I should have at least followed your orders while I was here. I have been nothing but a burden to you. None of this would have happened if I had just done as you asked.’ Her head dropped and she looked as if she were about to cry again.
He couldn’t stand it. Closing the distance between them, he took her face in his hands, and forced her to look up at him.
‘You were brave and did your best in a terrible situation. You saved Sten when you should have run...’ His voice began to crack. ‘You may not want this life, and I understand why, butnevercall yourself a burden. You are courageous, hardworking, and the very best of women. I am lucky to have you,lucky!Never think otherwise. I am glad you are here with me, even if it is only for a short time.’
There was so much more he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, needed her, would be miserable without her. But each confession would feel like a rope used against her, restraining and manipulating her kind nature into staying with him. He did not want her to live with him out of guilt or pity, but neither did he want her to leave not knowing how much he valued her.
He pressed his mouth against hers, kissing her deeply and with as much heart as he could give without bleeding himself dry. He would tell her with his body how much he loved her, and hope that by leaving the words unsaid, she would know the truth, and not be shackled by it.
The flatbreads burned in the skillet that night, but neither of them cared.
Chapter Eighteen
‘It is ready!’ Embla called, unable to hold back her laughter when Runar and Sten practically flew into the room. She had been preparing their Yule feast all day, while Runar painted the outside of the longhouse the cheerful shade of red she’d chosen.
Sten had been driving her mad getting under her feet. He had been overly protective of her ever since the incident with the wolf, and in the end, she had ordered him to join Runar outside.
It had been a couple of days since the wolf attack, and Sten’s wounds were healing well. She checked his dressings regularly and watched him closely for signs of illness, but thankfully, his wounds had shown no sign of festering.
Runar had reassured her the wolf’s madness was likely caused from the infected wound on its leg rather than disease, but she still worried over Sten, and gave him plenty of juicy bones to gnaw on in the evenings.
Warmth spread through her body like a golden dawn as she admired Runar preparing for dinner. He took off his outer clothing and placed it on the pegs by the door. Then he washed his hands thoroughly in the bowl she’d set out for him. It was a simple task he had done regularly for weeks. But what she loved most about it was that by trying to keep her floors clean, and respecting the food she had made for him, he proved he valued her hard work within the home. She appreciated it, and she appreciated him.
It had been lovely to have him home; it reminded her of the romantic days they’d spent together during the blizzard, and she hoped for more snow after their Yuletide celebrations. The excuse to spend all day in bed with him was a tempting opportunity she would never decline.
Although, she had to admit, Runar had been as frustrating as Sten today. He’d come in regularly to complain of hunger and prod her pans with interest, stealing tastes when he thought she wasn’t looking.
However, now that the meal was ready, they could all relax and enjoy each other’s company. Every surface of their table was covered in side dishes and breads. She had roasted a leg of the boar, and cured the rest. She hoped Runar would enjoy eating it well into the spring, after she was gone.
A shadow of doubt fluttered across her heart, and she tried to ignore it.
I will go back,she told herself firmly.The boys will be missing me, and...
Strangely, her long list of reasons for returning seemed to shorten each day. Runar cared for her,trulycared for her.
Who else would spend so much time and energy on pleasing her in every way?
No one.
She had thought she was not suited to this life, and that she would only become a burden. However, Runar had told her in the sweetest way possible that she was anything but a burden to him, and she finally believed him.
Now it was only a question of whether she wanted this life or not...
Unfortunately, her answer was still uncertain. She could not deny that the wolf attackhadrattled her, and she missed the boys terribly. But she wondered if she would mind having such a different Yule this year.
Of course, the lack of people was the biggest difference, and yet she was surprised by how little it bothered her. Usually, she would be ordering the thralls and cooking several dishes, all whilst still caring for the children as she worked.
It was busy and hectic, and she had always thought she loved it. But working on a smaller meal had reminded her that most of her pleasure came after the work was done, when she would sit beside the sleepy children listening to stories beside the fire as she drank a horn of mead and nibbled on an oat cake.
