Gertrud had not spoken of him to her half-sister, so the flirtation with him was likely already forgotten. She no longer cared about him; she probably never had, not really.
Thorin had insisted that their youthful romance be kept a secret, to save Gertrud’s reputation and Runar’s life.
The memory of that day was still burned into Runar’s mind: Gertrud falling to her knees and weeping beside him, for once not caring that her gown would be muddied on the forest floor. She had gripped Thorin’s leg with bone-white knuckles and begged for mercy.
‘Please, Thorin. Please! I do not love him! It was a mistake, a stupid, terrible mistake! Forgive me! Forgive me! Forgive me—’
She had sobbed those two words over and over, until she had run out of breath.
Thorin had taken pity on her and pulled her to her feet. Cupping her distraught face in his hands, he had said firmly,‘No one must know of this. We shall say Runar stole you, that he was trying to force you into some strange Sami courtship. It hasn’t been long since you left. So we can say I rescued you, before any true crime was committed.’
Gertrud had continued sobbing, and Thorin had had to shake her to get her attention.
‘Do you understand? You can never say you left me willingly. Otherwise, your reputation will be ruined, and I will be forced to punish Runar...’
He had looked at Runar then, his expression surprisingly calm. ‘If you care for her, you will let her go, and take the blame for it.’
‘You think they will believe it?’Runar had asked in disbelief, thinking of all the many heated looks that had passed between them in Thorin’s Hall.
Thorin had nodded.‘You have always been considered different, an outsider... They will believe the worst of you easily. You may still come to trade, but you will never enter my gates again. I am sorry, Runar, but I can think of no other way.’
An outsider.
It confirmed what he had always suspected, that no one in Gudvangen would ever accept him. Runar had been glad to give up his seat at Thorin’s table when he had heard that. Accepting the false accusation of kidnapping and the condemning looks willingly, not for Gertrud, but for Thorin. For the kinship they had once had, and that Runar had broken so clumsily.
He wasn’t sure exactly what Thorin had told his people. Over the years he had pieced it together, from the whispers and comments he had heard while trading. Thorin had claimed Runar had tricked Gertrud into leaving with him. Lured her away with Sami magic, and that Thorin had bravely saved her before any harm was done. That much was true at least; nothing had happened between them that would justify punishment in Runar’s mind.
They had been young and stupid, overcome by lust and loneliness. Thankfully, Thorin’s ability to forgive, as well as the bonds of the past, had saved them all from further humiliation. But of course, Runar was no longer allowed within the walls of Gudvangen. A pain he thought he bore easily. Crowds had always suffocated him, and once he knew he would always be considered an outsider anyway, he saw no point in missing what he’d never had.
Why had he mentioned it to Embla?
It was in the past, and should be left there. Allowed to slowly crumble and fade away, as his love for Gertrud had.
But he was desperate to discover what Embla knew about him. Never before had he cared what a citizen of Gudvangen thought of him, but he did care what Embla thought, and part of him wished she did not live there. He wished that she had been waiting in that cave, just for him, untroubled and oblivious to the rumours that haunted him.
What lies had she heard? Was that why she’d flinched from his touch when they first met? Did she think him a beast? That he would seduce her through magic, and rob of her of choice?
Slowly he was beginning to understand why reputation did matter. It could change you in a person’s eyes, and for some reason he wanted Embla to judge him fairly. He trusted her to keep his secret safe.
So he took a deep breath and ploughed on. ‘I asked her to leave her husband, and to come and live with me here. I thought she felt the same, but once she realised I was serious with my offer, she became fearful, and insisted I return her to her husband. There was no need because Thorin quickly came for her anyway.’
‘Returned?’ Embla’s eyes widened. ‘So...you didn’t steal her...or any other woman?’
‘No.’ He watched her carefully, and she seemed to accept the truth, although she appeared shocked to learn of Gertrud’s part in it. Did she truly know so little about the affair?
‘I am sorry. I can barely believe it. I knew there were rumours, but... I never thought it would be Gertrud.’
Well, Embla had thought him a poor match for herself. Why would she think him any better for her wealthy sister?
‘The cabin looked much better then,’ he explained, realising immediately how dim-witted he sounded. ‘But, of course, it wasn’t enough for Gertrud. She begged Thorin for forgiveness and ran home with her tail between her legs. I am grateful he was so understanding about our stupid flirtation.’
Embla lowered her eyes, and he wondered what she thought of it.
‘So, you brought her here? To live with you...’
‘Yes, but Gertrud realised her mistake before any harm was done.’ Should he explain further? He did not want Embla to think him a beast. ‘We were young. We only shared a few kisses and some sweet words. Nothing beyond her husband’s forgiveness.’
Runar had been a welcome and flattering distraction for Gertrud, a young bride disappointed by her older husband, and lonely without friends or family to comfort her. Thorin was not an affectionate man, but he’d been kind and sensible enough to overlook their foolishness.
