"Girlfriend, at that time, actually." His eyes nearly jump out of his head at that. I set my cup down for fear of spilling it from laughing. "I wasn't always out as gay, Clark. I learned that later in life. In the end, I ended up sneaking this girl out to the trails. We didn't get far before there was a crack of lightning across the sky and the horse she was on got spooked. She fell off, ended up breaking her wrist. Your grandpa was pissed." I enunciate the last word, making him chuckle. He's never seen his grandpa mad before and I pray he never has to. It's a scary thing.
"I'm sure he was," Clark says. "Why did you leave, though?"
"One, my pride. I got the scolding of a century when I had to call him for help. Of course, you know your grandpa. He helped the girl into the truck and took her to the hospital himself. But when he got home, oh lord. We started yelling back and forth. It's the only time I've ever seen your grandpa really look mad. It scared me enough to know I really messed up.
"Later that night, I could hear him telling your dad that when he took over the farm, he'd have to watch me closely. I don't know if I was mad or upset that it was just assumed Charlie would get the farm, but I decided to leave. I found a place with a buddy of mine, signed a lease for six months. Best and worst months of my life."
"How is that?" Clark finishes his drink and sets the cup down on the table next to mine. He grabs one of the extra pillows and hugs it to his chest.
"Well, it was the best because I was able to figure out what I really wanted in life. Personal relationships developed, I dated some, realized that I absolutely should not be allowed to work a customer service job. I got fired for being too mouthy to a customer when they were rude to me."
"I can totally see that," Clark says. He wipes the palm of his hand across his cheek to get rid of the remaining evidence of his tears.
"It was the worst, though, because I realized how much I loved the farm. I actually missed waking up early and helping with the animals. I missed my horse back then. It was actually Zula's mom. I also missed being around the family, being around nature. There were a few times I would come back in the middle of the night. I'd sneak my car down the road slowly and just lay in field and watch the stars. I'm sure your grandparents knew I came back from time-to-time, but neither of us have ever mentioned it. I ended up coming back after the six months, practically begging to move back in."
"And now you have to move away again."
"And now I have to move away again." I repeat his words and nod my head once. "I'm not happy about it, Clark. But we will make do with what's happening. I tried to find a way out of it, but there isn't one."
"Can I ask you something?" Clark doesn't look at me. His eyes are fixed on the edge of the pillow where he's picking at it with his nails. I don't respond, waiting for him to continue. "How did you know you didn't like girls anymore?"
After a quick moment of panic and then a surge of pride shoots through my body, I reach across the space between us and place my hand on his knee. He finally meets my eyes and I offer him a smile. "It was a process. It wasn't like it is today when I was your age. A lot of people got seriously bullied for it. I never really considered it until I was in my early twenties. There was a guy that I became good friends with. It was only after a few months he told me he was gay, but he was scared to go to the clubs and such. He wasn't a big guy, not like I was from working on the farm." I smile at the memory of Jeffrey. I haven't talked to him in a long time. Some stuff went down and when my last relationship ended, it split our relationship too. I think that was one of the harder things about that breakup, losing a close friend too. "I ended up going with him, as a protector and wingman, Iguess. I'd make sure he was safe an got home the next morning, all that stuff. Eventually, hanging out at these places, my view on things shifted. I got hit on a few times, figured why not."
I look wide eyed at Clark. I got lost in the memory and forgot for a moment I was talking to my nephew. "I am not condoning doing something just because. The way I… went about things was not a smart move. If you are interested in someone or in doing something, please do the research and talk it out. Consent is everything in any type of relationship and being safe is a top priority, understand?"
He nods and I cross my fingers and hope that he takes those words seriously.
"Anyway, after that I realized that I was more attracted to men. I'd been trying to impress girls my age because that was the norm, but I don't recall ever actually having any feelings toward them. I wasn't scared that your grandparents would be angry or reject me or anything, but being gay just wasn't a topic of conversation back then. When I did come out to them, there was some talking but then I brought home my first boyfriend. I think Dad liked the fact that I got my act together to impress him. Mom liked having someone else that would take her side and scold me, too."
"Do you think…" His voice trails off with a sigh. I wait him out. This is a big talk we're having and he'll set the pace for it. "I think I have a crush on one of my friends."
Chapter Twelve
Istareatthephone in my hand, waiting for a text back. A phone call felt too invasive, but my best friend was not letting me get away without something. The text stays on delivered for two whole minutes, all the while Hayley has taken it upon herself to guess why he hasn't responded yet. She's on her third guess, that he was riding into the sunset with another man, when the message changes to 'Read'.
"Oh!" Hayley's hand wraps around my wrist. I shoot her a glare but I'm amused at her reaction. "Why am I nervous? I'm married and this is your man."
"He's not mine," I grumble, but it quickly turns into a smile when Nelson texts back that he's free to join.
"Babe," Jackie, Hayley's very pregnant wife, says. "Can you grab me a water from the fridge?"
Hayley doesn't hesitate to get up and head toward the kitchen. I give Jackie a simple head nod. We've met on occasion and Ilove how they balance each other out. They're perfect for each other and I know them having this baby is a dream come true for both. It's cute how doting and attentive Hayley is for her.
"I'll try to keep her in line tonight," Jackie says. "No promises, though."
"I've already spent the evening with his friends," I say. I text him back a smiley face and details of where and when to meet. "So I'm sure he can handle one person."
"I'll be on my best behavior," Hayley says with total sincerity as she walks in and hands the bottle off to Jackie.
"That's the problem," I say. I give her a wink before continuing. "Your best behavior is still enough to scare away most people."
"Your face scares people away," she shoots back.
After getting a confirmation thumbs up from Nelson, I head to the shower while Hayley and Jackie cuddle up on the couch. It's been a great weekend having them around.
I picked them up from the airport Friday, around lunch time, and we went out to eat. It wasn't anything fancy, but I treated them to whatever they wanted. We also went to the grocery store so they could stock up on some snacks for the hotel. We drove around for a while that evening, going for dinner at the restaurant up on the mountain that overlooks the downtown area.
Yesterday, we drove around again, this time outside of the city limits. I tried to reign in my talking when we passed where Nelson lives, but of course my best friend caught on. She called me out on it within minutes. I don't deny the feelings developing toward him, and I don't think he does either, but I know that we made the right choice in deciding to wait. Even if I would love nothing more than to share the bed with him again.
