That's different. Right? I try to figure out how it's different. I bought the blanket because it reminded me of a better time, a time when I was happy and relaxed. That's… the same, isn't it? No. Regressing is a lot more than just having a blanket that you like. It's… baby toys and having someone else do everything for you.
I've been on my own long enough to know that's not something I want. I like my independence. I like making my own rules and decisions. It's done me well the last five years. Giving that up?
"This is too much," I mumble to myself. I check my phone and see I only have a few minutes left of break. I wrap the rest of my sandwich up and head to the restroom before clocking back in. The rest of the day, I can't help but watch for glimpses of Austin. I don't know if he's trying to avoid me or if he's actually busy and working in his office. He does come out closer to closing time to help out. I give him a short nod but don't say anything. I don't know what to say.
We're the last two in the building after we close. Since I come in later than the others, I'm here an extra half an hour later than Tyler and Nasir. Which means Austin and I have the place to ourselves. I finish wiping down the counters in complete silence while Austin wipes the tables. I try more than once to find words to bring it up. It isn't until he's walking back toward me that I stop him.
"Austin, wait." He stops and I can see the apprehension in his eyes. I don't blame him. I look down at my hands before taking a deep breath and looking back up at him. "I'm sorry, for earlier. I didn't mean for that— No, please let me finish." I hold up a hand when I see him start to say something. "I didn't mean for what I said to come across as rude as it did. I don't have anything against it and yes, I was… intrigued… about the room when I was at the club. My life, it just doesn't match up. Garrett was nice and let me stay at his place, but that's it."
I don’t care what people do in their own time, as long as it isn’t hurting another person.
"I get it," Austin says. "I just figured if you know Garrett, then you know what he is."
"You mean a Daddy?" The word doesn't sound as strange as I expected when I say it. "I gathered that when I met him. He's very demanding when you don't talk."
Austin cracks a smile. "Yeah, that sounds like him. My Da— Uh, Remington— is kind of the same way. Except sometimes he says I talk too fast and will make me slow down and repeat myself."
I laugh at that, because I can't see it. Austin has been nothing but professional and only talks when needed. I can sense the undertone of happiness in his voice when he talks about Remington, though. I'm happy for him.
Chapter Four
"Sothat'stheBoy,huh?"
Remington is sitting across from me at the bar. We're sitting at Jared's Local, a hole in the wall bar halfway between both our works. It's Thursday evening and a rare night where Austin is out with Luke, another Little from the club. Remington texted this morning to see if I was free, which I was. I haven't been to the club, or anywhere, in six weeks. My mind has been recreating every moment, from the drive to my house to making Orion breakfast the next morning. He said that the club was a one-time thing for him, so I knew I wouldn't see him there. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd see him again ever. I was hoping he'd use my number in the weeks since, but that's been dry.
"He is," I say. I do my best to keep from smiling. I fail miserably. Remington notices and laughs into his glass. "Shut up."
"I didn't say anything," he says, still smiling. He sets his glass down slowly and leans back in the seat. I watch him, eyes narrowed. There's something he's wanting to say. I know him too well.
"Get it out," I say. "Let me have it."
"No, nothing." He holds his hands up. "I just haven't seen you like this, attached to someone you barely know."
"I'm not attached," I defend. "He's just different."
"Think you'll go see him again?"
I want to say no, that I would respect his words that he isn't into the whole dynamic. But fuck, if I can just see him for a few minutes a couple times a week? Maybe I could convince him to go on a date at least. I love being a Daddy, but I can negotiate. Being thirty-eight, I'm not getting any younger.
"Your silence is deafening," Remington says. I ball up the napkin on my side of the table and throw it at him. He laughs harder.
"You're only laughing because you already have a Boy of your own," I say pointedly. "I remember when you were on this end of the conversation more than once."
"Yeah, but that's in the past. We are talking about you now." He pops the last chicken wing in his mouth. I watch him chew, thinking about his question some more. "If he is… into the scene, that's not exactly your style, is it?"
His question is totally innocent and curious, not judging. We've had this talk before, not about me in particular, but about preferences. I try to keep my voice joking when I speak next. "Someone had to leave their Boy with me at the camp and I maybe have been thinking about it."
"Really?" The inflection in his tone and Remington cocking his head once again gives me the clear indication he doesn’t believe me.
"Yeah. I mean, maybe. I wouldn't be opposed to it." I adjust in my seat, knowing that Remington is the best to answer my questions about this. I glance around the space, noting that the music playing from speakers around the bar are masking our conversation. "I don't know what it was when we went to the camp. I know I've been part of your hangouts and I've seen how you and the others interact with your own Boys. I haven't spent a whole weekend with it, you know? Seeing the dynamic for an extended time like that, taking care of their every need, seeing how cute they are when they get sleepy or need to use the bathroom… I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous. The Boys I'm with aren't as needy, if that makes sense? Not that I'm calling Austin, or any of them needy. I just—"
"You want to feel needed more?" Remington nods. "I get that. It's an addicting feeling coming home and immediately being the arms they fall into, the one that takes their problems away."
The exact words I struggled for.
The Boys I've been with before relied on me to give them rewards and punishments. They were mostly independent, too. We would cook together and go on dates, but there was never that level of complete trust and letting go. Seeing the way Austin regressed so young and how his whole demeanor changed the second he saw Remington; I've never been looked at like that before.
"Well, damn." Remington tips his drink toward me and then finishes it off. "That's great, Garrett. And I think Orion wouldn't have walked into that room if he wasn't at least a bit curious. Maybe take it slow, though."
