I think about his offer again, of moving in with him. We've only been together for two months, moving in together that soon would be a record of some sort I'm sure. I know that I love him, but breaking my lease would require paying three months of rent. I can't afford that and I won't let Garrett do that either. He’s not pushing me to make a decision and I’m grateful for that.
"As ready as I'll ever be," I say. "I'm glad you're here with me, though."
"I'll always be there for you," he says with a smile. I stifle my immediate reaction to clap like I’m listening to the Friends theme song. Instead, I return his smile and he drives off.
When we get to my old house, I don't get out right away. I can see the porch light is on and there's light coming from around a set of curtains in the main room. I don't know if much has changed inside, but that was the living room when I was still here. Garrett doesn't push me to get out of the car. Even when Jayden appears in the doorway and waves us in, Garrett just takes my hand and squeezes it.
"You can do this, baby." He moves his hand to my thigh. "The moment you need to get out of there, though, just say the word and I promise no one will stop us."
"I love you," I say, looking up at him. "You are honestly the best thing in my life."
"I love you too, honey." He lets go of my leg and opens his door. I wait for him to come to my side before unbuckling. We walk up to the house hand-in-hand. Jayden's eyes are wide as he takes Garrett in. I introduce them quickly.
"This is Garrett, my boyfriend."
"You're huge," Jayden says after a quick handshake. "Dude, I wish I could get muscles like that. I need your gym routine."
"I can do that," Garrett says with a nod. Then he looks at me. "Your brother is great at making excuses to not go."
"Hey, I go for moral support."
"And the sauna," Garrett adds. I smile. He goes often on the nights I stay at the apartment, but I’ve gone with him once or twice on the weekends when we’re together.
"And the sauna."
My smile fades when I see my dad step through the kitchen and into the living room. We're still a whole room apart from each other, but I feel my heart start to race and my hand is getting sweaty. Garrett pulls me closer to him so I'm pressed against his body from shoulder to elbow.
"Hey, Orion." His voice is deep, deeper than I remember. He looks older too. His hair is gray, despite only being in his late forties. He has wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. He's slim, too.
"Hey." I say. I clear my throat. I look around the room. It's clean, if a bit lived in. The carpet is stained from years of us growing up. It looks like it's been cleaned a bit, not as dark as I remember. The table, which always had papers and mismatched items strewn about, is empty. Quinn is sitting at the table, a notebook and textbook open. I remember how we always did our homework in our rooms because it reduced the risk of our parents yelling at us for any given reason.
"I'm glad you could make it," he offers, a bit hesitant. I know I'm giving off the vibe of not wanting to be here. Part of me doesn't, but I know if he's really putting in the effort Jayden says he is, I can at least come by and see it for myself. "Do you want anything to drink? We have water or tea."
"Water would be great," Garrett says. "For both of us."
Garrett turns back to me when we're left on our own. His eyes search mine before he pulls my face against his chest. "You're doing great, baby. Just give me the word if it becomes too much."
"I will," I whisper against his skin.
I take a closer look at the details of this house. I'm surprised to see that there are photos of me on the wall. There aren't a lot and obviously they stop when I'm a teenager. The last two years of living here weren't good. There were no family photos taken or anything. I don't remember half the photos being here.
"Here you go," my dad says, coming up behind us. He has two bottles of water in his hands. His eyes flick to Garrett and back to me.
"Garrett, this is Randall. Randall, Garrett is my boyfriend."
I watch them shake hands, feeling a rush of nerves shoot through my body. It's a different type of feeling. Instead of being nervous for my dad to meet my boyfriend, I'm more nervous that my Daddy is seeing this part of my life, where I came from.
My dad turns back to me. "So, I hear you're working at the coffee shop. Shade Grown, right?"
"I am," I say. I press my lips together and nod. "I like it there."
"That's good," he says. "Listen, can we talk? In the other room?"
"Um." I look at my siblings who are now watching us from the dining room and then to Garrett. He nods, the look in his eyes promising me that he won't be far. "Okay."
I follow my dad to the hallway. I'm still within sight of Garrett, but I don't think any of them can hear us.
"I'm glad you came by," Randall starts. I don't know if I want to call him dad or not, even in my head. Seeing him after all this time has my brain so confused. "I want to start by saying I'm so sorry for how we raised you. I know that doesn't mean a thing and it's just a word, but I truly mean it. You didn't deserve any of it. Your mom and I— we weren't good for each other. We didn't deserve to have any of you.
