"I do," I agree. "Go ahead back downstairs and get the movie ready, okay? I'll be right there."
I walk down the hallway and do my business in the bathroom attached to the front room. It's technically a bedroom, but I have it as an office and library. My book collection isn't extensive, I'm not much of a reader, but I've accumulated some things. I grab my phone and send a text to Remington on my way down to the basement.
Garrett
Are you free for lunch tomorrow?
I don't wait for a response and set my phone down on the table by the couch. It's already almost three in the afternoon and I'm not sure when Orion wants to go home. I'd love for him to stay again, since tomorrow is Sunday. We could have another day together, but I'll respect whatever he decides. Orion smiles at me and lifts the blanket up. I spot that he has a fresh bottle of apple juice on the shelf behind the couch.
I stretch my legs out along the shorter end of the sectional while Orion tucks his legs up beside him. Riley takes the opportunity to curl up against him. I look over at Orion and smile. He leans forward and kisses me before hitting play on the movie. We snack on the popcorn for the first quarter of the movie. I'm getting into the storyline easily and enjoy listening to Orion point out the small details that I wouldn't have caught watching on my own.
"Gar- I mean, Daddy?" Orion doesn't pause the movie, but lowers the volume a bit.
"What is it, honey?" I don't know where the pet name 'honey' came from. It slipped out that first night at the club and the way he involuntarily smiles every time I call him that has me defaulting to it.
"Can we change what we're doing?" he asks. I prop myself up straighter and look at him. I thought he was enjoying himself.
"Do you want to stop?" I ask. I search his whole expression, trying to figure out what he's thinking. "It's okay if this isn't working for you."
"No, that's not it." He answers quickly. He lays a hand on my leg, over the blanket. "I'm really enjoying myself. I just— My brain feels like it needs something else."
I can see he's struggling to put words to his own feelings. I'm a bit out of my depth here, but I know that whatever he wants to try, I'll be right here. "Can you explain what you mean?"
When he looks at me again, he has tears in the corners of his eyes. I want to pull him into me and hold him, but I need to know what he wants, or needs, first. So instead of pulling him in for a hug, I grab his hand in both of mine and squeeze lightly. "Baby, talk to me."
"I want to let go," he says as the first tear falls. "I'm tired of being big and thinking."
"You don't have to be big," I say. "That's what today is for. You can turn that brain off and let Daddy take care of you."
"But are you okay if I'm not…"
"I'm okay with anything that feels right to you," I say when he doesn’t continue. I move one hand to wrap around the back of his neck and massage gently. I can feel the tension in his muscles. Tears are still falling one-by-one. "Do you need me to do anything for you while you're in that headspace?"
I can see a change in him already. His eyes are red rimmed, but he seems to be relaxing now. Hopefully it's my words breaking away at whatever worry is in his mind. "I don't know."
"Orion, I need to know what you expect. Do you want to play any games or cuddle, need help eating or using the bathroom?" I've done my research and I've talked with my friends over the years. I kind of know what happens when their partners regress. It's a different level of caring for them, more than just being called Daddy or Mommy.
"I just want to cuddle and… I don't want to make a mess."
"Okay. I'll remind you in a little bit to go use the potty. As far as cuddling, I can definitely help with that." I move the popcorn bucket to the shelf so Riley can't get it. Orion reaches up and grabs his apple juice before climbing into my lap and curling up. It's more than our cuddling earlier and having the full weight of a grown man on top of me, being so vulnerable, is quite addicting. He hands me the remote and we settle back down for the rest of the movie. I card my fingers through his hair, run my hand up and down his back. He doesn't utter another word for the last hour, but I know he isn't sleeping. His fingers are rubbing the corner of the blanket and he takes sips of his juice periodically until it's empty.
I take the bottle and put it up on the shelf. He tilts his head back to look at me and smiles softly. I can see the fading streaks down his cheeks where the tears fell. I swipe a thumb over one cheek and his eyes flutter, but he doesn't say anything. I don't push him to, either. We finish out the movie just before five o'clock. I'm not too hungry, since our breakfast was at lunch time. My phone is too far away to turn the lights back up, but the glow of the TV is bright enough to see his face.
"Do you want to go upstairs and I'll make us some dinner?" I brush my hand through his hair once more. He smiles and closes his eyes briefly, leaning into my touch. I wish I had something for him to play with while I cook. I also don’t want him to leave yet and I try to play that off by asking another question. "I don't have any toys here, but we could go to the store and get some stuff if you feel like it?"
I know there's a shop that Remington gets most of his things from. I haven't been in there but once before, with Rachel. I'll have to get the name of the place from him, but right now we need to eat. I don't want to pull him out of whatever headspace he's in. I'm not too sure what that is, either.
"Dinner," he says simply. I smile and lean forward to kiss his cheek. I don't want to push a line and kiss his lips when he's in this headspace. The pout on his face is adorable though and he holds my head in his hands and presses his mouth against mine in a sloppy kiss. He breaks the contact when I start laughing.
"No kisses on the cheek, got it."
We stand and head up the stairs. Orion takes my hand in his and I go up first. Riley is trailing us. I situate Orion in one of the chairs at the island before letting Riley out to use the bathroom. The sky is cloudy, but I don't think we'll get any rain or snow. I can't wait for the Spring time when all the trees will start blooming again. Looking over the yard for a minute, I picture toys and things that Orion could use. Maybe a swing set or sandbox. Or both.
"Do you know what you would like to eat?" I ask. I look over my shoulder at him and watch his movements. He's watching me, but his head is tilting back and forth, like he has a song or something stuck in his head. "Orion?"
His eyes focus on me and he smiles. "Yes, Daddy?"
"What would you like to eat?" I continue to rummage around the cabinet shelves to find something. I know I have chicken and turkey in the fridge, but the sides can be anything between potatoes to pasta.
