He does as I ask immediately and I praise him for it. He doesn't look at me but I catch the small smile on his lips.
Eugene's truck pulls around the other side of the house and I follow slowly behind him. The place is beautiful. All the cabins are set in a large circle of sorts, surrounding another field that has a playground, a sandy volleyball court, and a small putt putt area. It's impressive and even Austin is pulled from his book.
"This place looks like so much fun," he says. "Oh, look at the putt putt course. It has dragons."
I can see his eyes lighting up and his body language change the more he takes in. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly he can go from adult to Little headspace. His happiness only grows when we park outside the cabins we'll be staying in. Even though I showed him the photos, seeing it with my own eyes, I admit they look way better. "They look like teepees! Remi, this is amazing."
"It is," I say. "I'm glad you're happy with this. Let's get inside. Make sure to grab your backpack, okay? We'll come back for the rest later."
"Yes, Daddy." He powers down his tablet and hands it over to me without fuss. He's bouncing on his toes as we walk to meet Eugene at the first cabin. There are four of the individual cabins, all lined up toward the back of the field. The other cabins are larger, more like the typical log style. There's two on each side and then what I'm assuming is the communal cabin back at the entrance where we drove in. Austin dutifully introduces himself to Eugene and then slips in the cabin before me.
The inside is simple, but cozy. There's a Queen bed, loveseat, and small table in the main part. To the left, back corner is a door I'm assuming leads to the bathroom. The place is warm, both in color and temperature.
"The mattresses are fairly new, I think three years old. We haven't had any guests the last two years, outside of friends and family using the place for events. My wife came by and stripped them clean. Fresh sheets were put on this morning for you."
Austin emerges from the bathroom with a wide smile. I'm sure he's looked to see what the shower situation is. My Boyis insatiable when it comes to us showering together. I'm far from complaining about it. Saving water and all.
"Are all the individual cabins like this?" I ask, turning my brain from shower sex to work.
"They are," Eugene says. He's still standing by the door. "I have to run a few errands so I'll let you settle and look around if you like, but I'll take you around to the rest of the land a bit later. This—" He motions outside with his keys still in his hand. "Is the bulk of it though. There's a trail with a waterfall at the end and some woods with smaller clearings. I don't really know much what they'd be used for, but I wanna make sure you can get the full picture."
"Sounds good," I say. I shake his hand once more. "You've got my number. Just call when you're ready."
Eugene tips his head to Austin and then leaves. I don't shut the door until he's a good ways away. Austin is digging into his backpack when I turn back to look at him.
"What are you doing?" I ask, curious.
"Just looking for… This." He pulls out a notebook and holds it up like I'm supposed to know what it is. I've seen it at his place before, but I've never snooped. I just assumed it might be for work or something. "It's my Remi journal. I write down all my favorite things we do together and where we do them. I just wanted to add this place in real quick before everyone else gets here."
My heart swells at those words. He's already sitting on the edge of the bed scribbling on a blank page. I join him, but don't pry at what he's writing. "Have you been keeping this journal for a while?"
Austin finishes writing and then looks up at me. "I started it about three weeks ago. I wanted to remember a joke youtold me so I wrote it down but then I kept writing about what we did that day. I like being able to go back and read them, remember it. I love the photos I have, but sometimes reading it is better than just remembering. Memories can fade."
His face goes all pinched and I know the thoughts swirling inside. I know he's still worried he's going to lose me. I wrap my arm around his shoulder and pull him close. "I won't let you forget about Paul either, okay? You can write all you want. About him, me, us. I can even give you a couple of stories that might make you laugh, but we'll also make a whole lifetime of memories for you to add in. You'll need about seventy-hundred of these notebooks to write it all."
"Seventy-hundred?" Austin giggles and it's music to my ears. He pulls back and looks up at me. I can see the hint of sadness in his eyes, hidden behind the smile. "I just… I've lost a lot and now with my family and not talking to them, I don't want to lose memories too. I want to have a place I can go back and read the things we did or remember the things I've done that made me happy or laugh."
"Baby, it's okay." I kiss the top of his head. "Whatever helps you. I love you and I want you to be happy. I know that what happened with your family yesterday was a lot and you haven't had much time to process it all. Just know that whatever you need, I'm right here for you. Always."
I try to convey all the words to him. Everything I mean that I don't say. We'll have to talk about what it means for his family and discuss the boundaries that need to be set. That will happen with time, when he's ready. This weekend, the outside world doesn't exist.
"Remi?" Austin moves to bend one leg up on the mattress. He's smiling when I look at him again. "Can we go play on the swings?"
"Yeah, we can. I need you to put your coat back on, though. It's chilly out."
"Yes, Daddy!" He jumps up and claps his hands, our serious talk forgotten for now. I know he's been itching to slip into his Little space all morning.
The sun is peeking out from a cloud when we get to the playground, warming us up a smidge. The wind has died down, too. Austin lets go of my hand and makes a beeline to the swings. The playground consists of the main part that is shaped like a pirate ship. There are stairs on either side and an open doorframe to walk into the bottom of the ship. It's pretty big for a playground, enough that Austin can play on it without much issue going in and out. There is a baby swing on one end, but the others are faded blue, plastic seats on chains.
"Push me, Daddy," he says excitedly, already kicking his legs. The seats are set at different heights, but it wouldn't take much for us to adjust them if the others wanted to swing too. Austin tilts his head back and looks up at me with a wide, toothy smile. He purses his lips and I bend down to give him a kiss before gently pushing him.
We make our way from swings to the pirate ship to the sand. The cold doesn't seem to be affecting Aussie at all as he plays. I'm a bit big to climb up the pirate ship, but I still play my part of the stranded person needing rescue.
A sleek sedan driving toward us catches both of our attention at the same time. I recognize Garrett's car immediately. So does Austin at his excited squeal. "Garrett said he was bringing more toys and Riley. Can we go see what he has?"
"How about we go show him where he'll be staying this weekend and then we can ask about the toys?"
"Okay!" Austin jumps up from the sand and wipes his hands on his pants. I sigh, knowing that I'll have to brush him down— or strip him— before he steps foot inside anywhere.
