The onesie he’s wearing is adorable. It’s a giraffe pattern, footies included. The hood isn’t up, but I know this one well. It has the eyes and ossicones on it. And the only reason I know that word is because of the man wearing the pajama set currently. He is obsessed with random animal facts and the fuzzy horns on a Giraffe's head is one of them.
“You look comfy,” I say with a smile. He does. I’m still in jeans and a button down over a white t-shirt. I feel way overdressed now. “I’m making spaghetti. Is that okay?”
“Yummy,” Austin says. His face goes still and then he looks down and starts picking at his hands. I set the spoon down and take a step toward him.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry,” Austin says. “I’m just— Not used to doing this.”
“Have you given yourself any Little time at all? Even on your own?”
Austin shakes his head. “It just felt weird. I can’t get into the right headspace if I know I still have to do all the things for myself. Even if I put it all out at the beginning, I still have to think about clean up and it ruins it.”
“Well, tonight you don’t have to worry about anything,” I say with a wider smile. “How about you go watch something on TV for a bit while I finish cooking and we’ll sit down together. What would you like to drink?”
“Just some water is fine,” Austin mumbles. I lift my arm up to grip his bicep and squeeze reassuringly.
“Go sit down and I’ll get it taken care of,” I say. I drop my hand and nod to him, signaling that he should go sit in the living room. Dinner will be ready in no more than ten minutes. I rummage through the other cabinets, smiling in success when I finally find what I’m looking for .
He has a single cup, plate, and bowl in an astronaut theme. It’ll be perfect for tonight. I grab a bottled water from the fridge and fill the cup, downing the rest of the bottle myself before taking the cup out to Austin.
He’s flipping through a couple different options. It’s a mix of cartoons and what Paul would call the grown up movies. “Find anything you like?”
I set the water next to him on the side table. I note that he looks at it for a second before turning back to the TV.
“Not really,” Austin says. And he sounds dejected. Like he’s already expecting this night to fail.
“What about that one show you used to watch? With the kid doctor that helped all the stuffies? That was a good one. I remember when I came over that time you had a marathon. I think I watched more episodes than you did. I could probably still recite the song they sing, too.”
“Oh yeah,” Austin says. His voice sounds just a smidge more excited. “I’ll look for it.”
I step around the side table and squat down, hiding a grunt at the quick movement. Austin is clearly fighting back a smile. I rest a hand on his thigh. “If this is what you need tonight, that’s okay. Anything goes with me, Austin. For tonight. If you want to watch TV, read a book, dance party. I just want you to feel better tonight, okay?”
Austin closes his eyes but nods. I start to get up, but Austin opens his mouth to speak before I’m fully standing. “Can you feed me tonight?”
I smile and move my hand to rub over his knee lightly. “Yes, of course. I’m going to go finish cooking. You get all settled and comfy and I’ll be back in a bit, okay?”
“Okay.” I stand up and turn to walk back toward the kitchen, but Austin reaches out his arm to grab my hand. “Thank you, Remi.”
I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Of course.”
The spaghetti is ready in just under ten minutes and I dish it up on two plates. I can hear the theme song of the show I mentioned playing and smile to myself. “Austin, do you need more water?” I call before I leave the kitchen. I have a bottle for myself, but I’ll grab another if he needs it.
“No, I’m good. Thank you.” His response is a lot lighter now and when I walk into the living room, my heart both breaks and leaps for joy at the same time. He must have gone to get all his stuffies and lined them up on the couch beside him. Each of the ones that Paul gave him. They look like they're in perfect condition.
“Now now,” I say, keeping my voice light and playful. “Where am I supposed to sit if we have a full house tonight?”
“I can just move them.” My smile fades just slightly because Austin sounds more serious than I want him to. I was going for silly.
“No, of course not.” I set both plates on the tray table, taking the old one to sit in the sink and wash later. “I’ll just grab a chair from the dining room for now. They’re already settled in for the show.”
I definitely would have fallen asleep sitting on his couch anyway. Austin turns the volume down but doesn’t pause the show as I grab his food and start twirling the first bite onto the fork for him. It’s been a minute since I’ve fed another person but instinctively, I blow on it to cool it down.
Austin opens wide and I make a small airplane noise with my lips as I feed him the first bite. I remember Paul doing that a lot when he would feed Austin. It seems my gut made the right choice when Austin smiles around the fork.
“Be honest with me chef, did I do a good job?” I tilt my head slightly, contorting my expression to seem equal parts worried and waiting. Calling him chef is only a joke, a way to make him smile again. Austin takes his time to answer, chewing slowly. He continues watching me and I fight to not break the silly expression and smile because I can see him finally falling back into that space.
He reaches over and takes a sip of his water. The contrast of the smaller cup in his hand, and even the small plate that doesn't hold much of a serving for his size is adorable. Maybe I can go out and buy him a couple sets to keep that would be more fitting for him. That thought gives me pause for a moment.
