The worst part was the sign off. Yeah, they’d gotten a divorce, but that last name wasn’t her maiden one. It was the same last name as his ex-best friend. Who he thought was his best friend since their first year at the local community college.
Tawson caught the eye of a lady sitting at the next table. She gave him a look that was half pity and half concern. He had to get out of the public. At least to his car. He wiped his eyes and took a steadying breath. He loved his new life. He wouldn’t let those words ruin what he had going on.
He hit reply to the email. His fingers hovered over the screen,brain whirring with all the responses. She had left her phone number and even her address. She still lived in their old house. There was no reason for her to send this email. It made him relive all the weeks of trying to convince her to believe him, to save his marriage. This email wasn’t for him. It was a way for her to tell him what had happened since he left. She was married again.
One word came to mind.
Well-
Two words came to mind, but he only typed out one before sitting send.
No.
He immediately blocked the email and then the phone number provided and gathered his things. He didn’t notice the crowd this time, just wanted to get through it and to his car. The first person he thought of reaching out to was Vic. But they were working with their family. He couldn’t disturb them. And crying to his nineteen-year-old partner over something that happened long before they met was not fair to them. Vic promised that they were always there to talk, but some things Tawson needed to deal with on his own.
The second person was Megan, the foundation’s therapist. They’d had a couple of sessions. Once was when he first moved to the ranch. The second was after he was settled a bit. He never revealed Vic’s name, but he’d spoken to her once about meeting someone younger than him. She’d been the one to suggest he look into the code of ethics with the school.
Locked safely in the car, he pulled up her contact and texted a simple,Can we talk?
It took a couple of minutes. Tawson busied himself with turning the key and adjusting the air. It was still cool out, but his car was sitting in the sun and had been for about an hour already. Megan’s contact appeared on the screen and he swiped his finger to answer it immediately.
“Hey, Tawson, what’s going on?”
“I just needed someone to talk to,” Tawson said honestly. “I was out doing some shopping and I got an email. It’s from my ex-wife.”
“Oh, okay. Did you read it?” Megan’s tone turned from casual to business in two seconds. “Are you okay? Are you safe right now?”
“Yeah, I’m safe. I went out to my car so I’m sitting here now. I did read it. And I wish I hadn’t.”
“Can you tell me what it said?” Megan’s voice was gentle and patient. It had a calming effect on him and he finally, for the first time in several minutes, took a deep breath. “Take your time.”
Tawson closed his eyes and recited what the email said. Not word-for-word, but for her to get the gist of it. He rested his head back against the seat and sighed. He could feel the tears starting again. “This shouldn’t be hitting me so hard,” he mumbled.
“It’s totally reasonable for something like that to hit you,” Megan said. “You went through a traumatic event, Tawson. And those that should have supported you ended up turning their backs. It’s okay to feel hurt and angry about that.”
“She married my best friend. My old best friend.” He forgot to mention that part. “That’s how she signed off the email. With her first name and his last.”
“And that’s hitting you the hardest, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know,” Tawson said honestly. “I don’t know how to feel toward it. I was just sitting there, angry and also numb. I sent back just one word. Just said no and then blocked the email.”
“Okay, so let’s talk about that.”
Tawson spent fifteen more minutes on the phone, talking about everything. Megan had him explain the things he loved about his job and life now. Had him remind himself that he was surrounded by a great group of people. Then the conversation moved to romantic relationships. The words for Vic came easily, like a geyser. It didn’t stop. There was not enough good things he could say about them and how they made him feel. He didn’t reveal Vic’s name, not even the shortened preferred version of it. Megan didn’t ask either, understanding he didn’t want to say. She knew it was someone on campus, but never specified another professor or student. She did ask him about specific things; how it went when they learned of his past, how he’s handling the intimate moments. He revealed that they were going away for a couple of days.
“Take the time away to focus on you and your life now,” Megan said. “I want you to put this in the back of your mind. I know-” She cut him off before he could protest. “It’s easier said than done, but you need to remind yourself that you’ve come so far, Tawson. You are strong. You made it through the divorce and the trauma. You’ve worked through it and you know I’m here whenever you need. It won’t magically go away, you know that. Random things might trigger a memory or response and that’s okay. You have the skills and the support system to get through it.”
She talked to him for another few minutes, guiding him through deep breathing exercises so he was calm enough tosafely drive home. Home.
Vic.
They were one in the same now. He knew it, deep in his chest and mind. It’d only been a handful of months, but that tightening in his chest squeezed around his heart and lungs when he thought about not having Vic around.
“Tawson.” Megan’s voice brought him back from that train of thoughts. “Are you okay enough to drive now? I can come get you if you need.”
“No, no. I’m okay.” He sighed and wiped the tears away once more. “I’m good, I promise. Thank you for calling.”
“I’m always here,” Megan said. “I’ll text you, but I want to set a follow up with you in a couple days. Maybe after the holiday, okay?”
