“How is everything this week?” Sunshine Megan asked. It wasn’t her real name, obviously, but Xander referred to Wright’s therapist by that name because she was always smiling. It fit her personality. No matter how hard the sessions got for Wright, she made sure it ended on a good note.
“Great,” Wright said. He was sitting in his usual spot on the bed, on Xander’s side. He was taking a shower right now and would be out for the last bit of his session. Supper was in the oven already too. Xander was making some sort of chicken lasagna for them tonight. He really was lucky with his life now. “I finally got to work alone with the horses this week. Paxton gave me the go ahead to take Willow out into the paddock on my own and it went perfectly. Then, I brushed Raven and Luna. I love all of them.”
“That’s wonderful,” Megan said. She even clapped and Wright laughed while she wrote something down. “And how are other things going? Has there been any update on where your father is?”
It’d been two weeks since he saw the For Sale sign outside his old house. They were getting into August now, the hottest monthof the year. His birthday was just over a week away. Patrick said that their lawyer, Raegan, hadn’t been able to track him down yet. Wright hoped that meant he was out of the state and out of his life for good. He had a new family and he loved each of them. “Nothing new,” he said. “Patrick said they’re looking for him and there’s a warrant out for his arrest. It’s a little unsettling not knowing where he is, but I’m safe here. I know that.”
“And will you be okay if you never get that closure?” she asked. Wright thought about it. As safe as he felt, he did have a little bit of anxiety that he didn’t know where he was. He knew Xander would protect him. And he was stronger. He could fight back now. Doing the physical work he did and having more than one meal a day was making him healthier than he’d ever been. He was nowhere close to Xander, or even Paxton, but he had the confidence to take care of himself now. But he didn’t want to be constantly looking over his shoulder for years.
“I think so,” Wright said. He told her his other thoughts as well. He could hear the shower turn off. There were no secrets between him and Xander so when he stuck his head out of the bathroom to see if he was good, he kept talking and just nodded.
“I’m so proud of all the work you’ve already done,” she said. “It can take some people months to get to the point you’re at now. Are you comfortable with the rate of your progress?”
“I am,” Wright said easily. “I think it’s because of being here. I thought starting therapy, it would be hard to open up, but being surrounded by a family that loves me, it’s easier. And it’s easy to talk to you. I never imagined this is how my life would end up but I truly love the work and living here.”
“What do you think is the biggest part of your recovery and progress?” Wright tilted his head slightly, not sure what she meant by the question. Her smile was genuine when she reworded her question. “Let’s say you moved to your own apartment, still in the city. You got a job, maybe made somefriends. Do you think your progress would be the same as it is now?”
“Probably not.” Wright wasn’t too sure why that was an easy answer for him. And she must have been expecting it. She gave him a soft smile.
“And why do you think that is? Is it not what you’re doing now? New place to live, new job, friends.”
“Yeah, but here I have a family.” Wright said it like it was the most obvious answer in the world, that even his subconscious knew it. The Lawson’s were family. He continued on. “A real family. One that eats meals together and sits on the porch to enjoy the weather. They talk about their feelings and resolve disagreements with words and not their hands. Paxton and Victor know they’re allowed to make mistakes as long as they own up to it and learn their lesson for next time. Patrick doesn’t hit them or yell at them. They’ve grown up in a house of love and I’m finally getting to be a part of that. I think that’s why I’m able to throw myself into the hard stuff and face it head on, because I have Xander beside me and the rest of the family behind me. They’ve been there to catch me every time.”
“That’s beautiful, Wright. I love the mindset that you have.” Her eyes darted down while she wrote something and he waited patiently for her. It happened a few times in their sessions and he understood it. He had his own notebook where he wrote things down he needed to remember. Small things like birthdays and dates he needed but also directions and check lists to make sure he didn’t miss anything while working. When she looked back up and met his eyes through the screen, she was still smiling. “Did you have anything else you wanted to talk about today before we get to the next part?”
“I think I’m good,” Wright said. “I’m excited to work on this today. I think I’m finally ready.”
“Really?” She sounded optimistic instead of concerned. Wright loved that about her. After his talk with Xander about letting him set his own pace for his progress, he’d been more open with communicating what he wanted. They talked about it more, constantly. Xander didn’t feel comfortable with tying him up for fear that it would set him back or give him a bad memory of them together. He understood it and respected his feelings. It didn’t mean they didn’t do other things. Wright had gotten good at keeping his hands under the pillow or holding on to the headboard. Shower sex was still his favorite. Xander would pin his hands against the wall and not release them until he was done.
“Yeah,” Wright nodded, tuning back into the conversation. “I’m good. We’ve been working toward it for weeks. I can handle the halters and leads with no problem now. And I know that we’ve talked about how it seems to be this specific kind of rope, with the roughness and color. I was talking to Patrick yesterday about the work I’ve been doing and he mentioned wanting me to start lessons on riding the horses. I just feel like I need to be totally okay with this before I start that journey. If that makes sense?”
“I don’t know much about horses myself,” she said. “But it sounds logical enough. Do you want to get Xander in and we can start?”
Half an hour later, Wright had his earbuds in and was listening to his therapist’s voice as Xander wrapped the rope around his wrist for the first time. He’d held it in his palms, had it dragged across his shoulders in other sessions. Even had it wrapped around one arm, near his elbow. But now, he was being bound with it. The memories of the rope, his dad yelling at him, complaining that he was useless were fighting to break through the encouraging words his therapist and Xander were saying.He continued to breathe deep, in through the nose and out the mouth.
“Okay, Wright. Talk to me. How do you feel?” Wright opened his eyes and stared at Xander. He shook his head, his sign for Xander to pull out the earbuds so they could both hear his therapist. Wright couldn’t bring himself to look at his wrists yet. Instead, he stared at Xander.
“You’re doing amazing, gorgeous.” Xander’s smile was big. Genuine. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Wright, remember, I need you to talk. Xander is great and all, but don’t leave me feeling like a third wheel here.”
Both he and Xander laughed at that and it relieved the tension in his shoulders. “It’s strange,” he finally said. “I mean, I’m here and I can feel the rope. These memories are trying to come back, but when I look at Xander, they go silent. It’s like… I don’t know. If I close my eyes, all I focus on is the rope. But with them open, I know that I’m safe. I know that it can’t hurt me because Xander wouldn’t hurt me.”
“I see that you haven’t looked down.” Wright was kind of hoping that she wouldn’t have noticed that, but she was a great therapist for a reason. “Can you do that or is it too much?”
“I can do it,” Wright said. Xander continued to hold his eyes. His hands moved to rest on Wright’s forearms. Out of habit, he looked down to see his hands on him. He let out a small chuckle, knowing Xander did that on purpose. Wright watched his fingers trail down his skin and glide right over the ropes around his wrists. It wasn’t as scary as he thought. In fact, it was what he’d been asking Xander to do for weeks now. “Wow.”
“Wow in a good way?” His therapist’s voice took his attention away from the ropes. He turned his head to glance at her and nodded. His eyes went back to the ropes when Xander’s thumb rubbed circles just above where it was looped around his skin. Itwasn’t tight. He could slip his hands out if needed. But he didn’t need to. He was doing okay.
“Yeah,” Wright said. He looked at Xander and smiled. He chanced twisting his wrists slightly, feeling the texture of the rope brush his skin. He was doing this. He was taking back that last bit of fear his father had instilled in him. “I’m good. It scratches, but it feels like the straw we put down for the horses.”
“The straw is more annoying than these ropes once you start working with them,” Xander supplied.
“I’ll take your word on that, Xander.” Wright curled his fingers and twisted one wrist to be able to run his palm over the rope on the other. Xander’s hands were still on him. They were callused and warm, comforting. He loved the feeling of his fingers on his skin. “Wright, do you think you can take it off yourself? Don’t push yourself, but I’d like to see if you can take it off and hold it. See that you’ll never be forced to do this.”
Wright did as she asked. Xander dropped his hands and let Wright work. He took a deep breath and slipped his first hand out of the loop. He held the rope in his hand, letting it sway gently between him and Xander. There was clapping and Wright looked up at Xander first and then to his laptop. Megan was clapping. He loved how encouraging she was in such a simple way. No one had clapped for him before for doing something. Not before he came here. Paxton liked to be dramatic and dance around when he did something. Xander would usually just kiss him. But Megan clapped. Wright loved it.
“I did it,” Wright said with a smile that hurt his cheeks. He looked at Xander. “I did it.”
