Xander made quick work of the shower, only giving himself a minute to let the hot water massage his muscles. He’d gone out to check on the cattle and ended up working with two other guysto get one of the younger ones out of the fence. There was a lot of sweating and cursing all around.
He towel dried his hair as much as he could and hit it with a brush before walking back into the bedroom. Wright was watching the screen, nodding slightly, when he joined him on the bed. Seeing them side-by-side in the little box at the corner of the screen made Xander realize just how different they were. Wright was small naturally, but he looked tiny in his hoodie next to Xander. It didn’t help that he liked his hoodies slightly bigger. AKA, Xander’s hoodies. Xander’s clothes in general.
Wright took out his ear buds and the room was filled with the therapist’s voice. She had red hair with nearly white roots but didn’t look any older than himself. Her eyes were kind, same with the smile she wore. He could only see from her shoulders up. “Thank you for joining us today, Alexander.”
“Just Xander, please ma’am. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Wright snickered next to him low enough he wasn’t sure his therapist could hear it.
“Such a gentleman,” she said, sitting back to put her hand over her heart. Her southern accent was different from what he was used to in Texas. She sounded more like she was from Alabama. “I can see why you keep him around, Wright. Before I get to forgettin’ I have a husband at home, Wright and I wanted to talk to you about something, Xander.”
“I’m all ears,” Xander said. He was half lying down, resting on his elbow on Wright’s left side. His head was pressed against his arm as he listened to the therapist. He couldn’t recall if Wright had ever told him her name. In his head, he called her Sunshine. She just had that energy.
“With Wright’s permission, I wanted to share a few things…” Xander listened intently as she recounted several instances where Wright had been abused at the hands of his father. Most of them involved a rope somehow. He looked from the screen toWright’s wrists when she mentioned a particular time he’d been tied up so tight that it left a permanent scar just below his thumb on his right hand. It wasn’t a large one and he hadn’t noticed it before now. “He brought up something in our last session that I think would be beneficial for him. To at least try. We won’t force this and if it doesn’t work today, I’m going to pull the plug on it entirely until I think he’s ready.” Xander nodded. While she gave off a Sunshine character vibe, she was all business right now. “Do you have what he asked you to bring?”
Xander nodded and rolled to reach over the side of the bed. He’d brought it out with him and had subtly dropped it before Wright could see. Now, he picked it up and laid it on the bed in front of them. He could hear Wright’s sharp intake of breath and almost picked it back up, but he stopped him. “No, it’s okay. Please, just leave it there for now.”
“That’s good, Wright.” The therapist nodded through the screen, but she couldn’t feel the strength behind Wright’s grip. It was surprising. “Wright brought up what we call exposure therapy. It’s not as cut and dry as surrounding yourself with something to get over being afraid of the thing, like some people think. There’s a process to it and today will be step one. He’s explained to me that living on the ranch, he’s going to come across them often if he works with the animals. His hope is that he can be comfortable around them without freezing up or having the scary thoughts coming to mind.
“This is how you come into play, Xander. Wright trusts you.” Those words hit Xander right in the heart. He looked at Wright and smiled, turning his head to kiss his arm. Wright smiled back and nodded, silently agreeing with her. “Since our sessions are done online, I can’t physically be there with him and having someone he trusts during this process is key. I need you to understand that.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” Xander sat up a little more, adjusting the laptop so they stayed in the frame. He wrapped his arm behind Wright’s waist and held him close. He could see where this was going now. “I’ll do whatever to help him. He knows that.”
“Good, good.” She nodded and seemed to be jotting something down. When she looked back up, her smile was still there but she was also business again. “Like I said, today we’re going to start small. I would like to see Wright holding the rope. But Wright, like we discussed last time and earlier, I do not want you to push yourself okay? If you can’t do it, you need to tell both of us, okay?”
“Yes.” Wright nodded and wiped his hands on his pants. He straightened his back and nodded, visibly steeling himself for what he was about to do.
“Remind yourself as many times as you need that you are safe and this is to help you take back control over a part of your life.” She was good. It was all the things that Xander told Wright time and time again. “Now, Xander, could you adjust the laptop so I can see both of you fully and pick up the rope?”
Xander did as she asked. It was only a few feet long and he held one end in either hand. The middle part sat on the bed between them. “Wright, how are you feeling seeing it? Remember, I need constant thoughts from you in order for this to work.”
“It’s scary, but not as bad. It’s a dark blue and looks new.”
“We just got them a couple months ago,” Xander supplied helplessly.
“Wright, do you think you could reach out and grab it? Xander, don’t let go of it okay?” Xander nodded but moved his hand slightly so Wright could easily grab it. It took several long seconds, no one spoke. Xander looked at Wright’s face. He was laser focused on the rope, his hand stuck in the air between his lap and the rope. His tongue swiped over his bottom lip.
“You don’t have to do this,” Xander said softly. “But just remember I’m right here. I’m the one holding it and you know I’ll never hurt you, gorgeous. Give me the word and I’ll throw it as far as I can out the window.”
A crack of a smile gave Xander a bit of relief. Wright turned his head to the laptop. He focused on his therapist while his hand inched closer until his fingertips grazed the material. Xander did his best not to move it. After a few seconds, his fingers curled around it and he held it loosely in his grip.
“That’s good, Wright.” His therapist jotted something else down and then continued. “Do you think you could hold it on your own?”
Wright’s body froze and he turned a terrified expression to Xander. “I’m- I’m not ready for that. Please don’t let go.”
“I won’t,” Xander said quickly. “You’re doing so good, though. You’ve got this. I’ll hold on as long as you need me to.”
“Listen to him, Wright. He’s right there with you. If you need to, move your hand so it’s closer to his. Hold the rope tighter. You have all the control here. It’s just yarn and… I actually don’t know what’s inside a rope. Xander?”
“This is a braided nylon,” he explained. “It’s the most common type of rope we have around the barn. It’s a synthetic material.”
“Keep talking,” Wright mumbled. His hand tightened around the rope. Xander smiled at him.
“I use this one with Benito.” He looked from Wright to the laptop. “That’s my horse. I use him for work. Do you see this one end and how it’s a bit frayed? Benito decided I was taking too long for his snacks while we were out for the day that he grabbed it and started chewing. Imagine playing tug-of-war with a horse his size. Patrick wouldn’t let me live it down for days.”
Wright took a deep breath and reached his other hand out so he was mirroring the way Xander was holding it. The sides oftheir hands were touching. Xander held it firmly, but Wright’s knuckles were white and he was sure his fingernails were digging into his palms. He wasn’t smiling and his breathing was deep, but he seemed fine otherwise. Xander forgot about the laptop for a moment. “Do you want me to let go?”
“No. Not yet.” He shifted his fingers, feeling the material against his skin. “Can you keep going? Just a story or something.”
“You’re doing great, Wright.” Sunshine said. He really needed to get her name before they said goodbye. “You’re already doing more than I was imagining for today. I want you to talk, tell me what’s going through your head.”
