‘Anyway, there’ll be lots of people there. They won’t all be my age. Luca’s coming,’ Yvonne said. ‘He’s around your age.’ Her eyes lit up. ‘He might do for you,’ she said thoughtfully.
‘Please! I don’t want your sloppy seconds.’
‘Oh, he’s not! We went out a couple of times, but I never got jiggy with him in the end.’
‘But I thought you told me he had a huge willy?’
‘Oh, I’ve never actually seen it, but you can tell he’s got a huge one the minute he walks into a room.’
‘Why? Does he pull it after him on a trolley?’
Yvonne laughed. ‘No. But no one has that much swagger unless it’s backed up by a very large package.’
‘So, too much man for you, was he?’
‘I think he was. He kind of scares me a bit.’
‘But you think he’d be all right for me?’
‘Oh, he’s not creepy or anything,’ Yvonne said hastily. ‘But he can be a bit… dark. I suppose he has the artistic temperament. He can be a proper moody bastard.’
‘Sounds charming!’
‘And he’s such a player. I just like them a bit more on the tame side.’
‘That’s true.’ Yvonne usually went for rather fey, borderline effeminate pretty boys, and would spend hours fretting about which side of the metrosexual/gay border they occupied. She was always asking Claire’s opinion about whether a straight man would have facials, watchStrictly Come Dancingor own a Kylie Minogue CD.
‘I think you were right – I only went out with him to piss off Dad.’
‘I never said that!’
‘But it’s what you were thinking.’
Claire smiled guiltily. She had indeed suspected that Yvonne had only ever been interested in Luca for his shock value. She could guess Yvonne’s uptight, stuck-up father would consider him wildly unsuitable boyfriend material for his precious only daughter. An unemployed, permanently broke artist, he apparently lived in squalor in a notoriously rough area of the inner city.
‘And you were right,’ Yvonne said. ‘See? You’re so wise. That’s the advantage of age.’
‘Hey, a minute ago you were saying I wasn’t much older than you.’
‘Well, you’re older in wisdom.’
‘Anyway, if you couldn’t handle Luca, what makes you think I could?’ Claire might have been older in years – and even in wisdom – but she knew that Yvonne had far more experience than her when it came to men.
‘I have complete faith in you,’ Yvonne said airily.
‘Seriously, Yvonne, you know I’m out of practice. Don’t you think I should start off with someone a bit easier?’
Claire’s social life had taken a nosedive three years ago when she’d moved home to look after her mother, and somehow she’d never managed to kick-start it again. She still couldn’t understand how she had let herself get into such a rut, but time had gone by so quickly. Suddenly she’d realised she hadn’t been on a single date since she’d returned to Ireland. And the longer it went on, the harder it was to change anything. She felt like such a fuddy-duddy, compared to Yvonne, her life so circumscribed. When she had been Yvonne’s age life had seemed full of possibilities. Studying in Edinburgh, she’d had a nice circleof friends, gone on dates… It all seemed like a lifetime ago now.
‘Luca might be just what you need,’ Yvonne said, her eyes bright. ‘Dive in at the deep end. I mean, you don’t have much time, do you? Your mother isn’t going to be laid up for ever.’
‘No, that’s true. All good things must come to an end,’ Claire said drily.
‘Oh, you know what I mean.’
‘Well, I’ll do my best.’
‘Still, maybe you’re right – from nought to Luca might be a bit too much. But there’ll be lots of cute guys to choose from. Don’t worry, you won’t go home empty-handed.’
