‘Wow, he’s keen. Mind you, I can’t say I’m surprised. He’s totally got the hots for you.’
‘He hasn’t, though – not really.’
‘Oh, come on. You two have some serious chemistry going whenever you’re on Twitter. You can tell he’s gagging to be one of your Mr Men.’
‘Oh God, don’t say that!’
‘Why not?’ Catherine frowned. ‘You like him, too, don’t you?’
‘Yes, but?—’
‘Of course you do. He’s clever, friendly – he seems really nice. And he’s very attractive, if you like that whole male penis thing.’
‘Which I do.’ Claire giggled.
‘Which you do. So what’s the problem?’
‘Me,’ Claire said, spreading her arms. ‘I’m going to be meeting him in real life. And I’m not exactly the person in that blog, as you well know.’
Catherine considered this, then shrugged. ‘You’ve obviously managed to convince him so far – not to mention your thousands of followers. And he’s hardly going to give you a practical, is he?’
‘No, but…’ Claire chewed her lip. ‘He’s going to expect me to be this really sassy, confident person that I’m not.’
‘Yikes, yes – I see what you mean. So, basically you need to learn how to act like a ho?’
‘NiceGirl is not a ho!’ Claire protested indignantly.
‘I know, I know. She’s just a nice girl who likes sex. Still, you can’t go wrong being a bit slutty with men, can you?’
‘You think?’
‘Don’t ask me. I have no idea what men like. I’m just going by what I see on TV and in movies.’
‘What do you think I should do?’
‘Whatever you have to. This is Mark Bell we’re talking about. Come on – it’s your dream. You can act sassy for one night, can’t you?’
‘God, I don’t know. I’m not much of an actress. Besides, if he decides to go ahead with a book, it won’t just be one night, will it? And if it does get published, there’ll be publicity and everyone will see that NiceGirl and I don’t match up.’
‘Okay, slow down. Let’s take this one step at a time. Just worry about Saturday for now.’
‘You’re right.’ Claire nodded, trying to calm down. ‘But that only gives me a week to catch up on years of experience,’ she said, starting to panic again at the enormity of the task ahead of her.
‘But you don’t need actual experience. You can just bluff it.’
‘I suppose.’
‘Besides, he probably doesn’t even expect you to be as ballsy as your blog. He knows you’re a writer – that’s why he’s interested in you. He’s probably factored a certain amount of fiction into what you write.’
‘I doubt he’s factored in that I’m a total fantasist.’
‘Look on the bright side. It’s a breeze compared to what I’d have to do to impersonate my alter ego.’
‘True,’ Claire said, glancing at Paddington. ‘At least I don’t have to produce a fully-fledged toddler before Saturday. How’s Paddy been anyway?’
‘He’s great,’ Catherine said, smiling fondly at the bear. ‘Completely potty-trained.’
‘How old is he now?’
