But, as it was, she would be going straight home. She was finding it hard to relax. She had placed her phone on the table. She didn’t normally do that as she considered it rude, but she didn’t want to risk missing a call from her mother.
‘I read your latest blog post,’ Mark was saying. Claire detected a slight hesitancy in his tone that made her wary.
‘Oh?’
‘Yeah. I must admit, I was kind of…’
‘You didn’t like it?’ she asked anxiously.
‘No, I enjoyed it. I was just a bit… disappointed, I suppose.’
‘Disappointed?’ Oh, crap! Did he like threesomes? Had he thought she’d be up for that? It wouldn’t really be surprising, considering some of the things she’d written about. Thank goodness she hadn’t said she was into them. ‘You – you like threesomes?’ she asked, trying hard to sound blasé about it.
‘No!’ he gasped, laughing. ‘Christ, no – not at all. I mean, not that I’ve ever?—’
‘Yeah, me either.’ Then she remembered she had written about having enjoyed group sex, and she blushed.
‘So, was it the writing?’ she asked. She was so relieved that it wasn’t the threesome thing that she didn’t even mind. ‘We wouldn’t have to include that one in the book.’
‘No, the writing was fine – I really liked it. I was just…’ He hesitated. Then he sighed and said, ‘It’s silly, but – I just thought I might get a mention.’
‘Oh!’ It had never occurred to her that he would expect her to write about him, but of course it made sense. He thought she was writing about real people all the time.
‘Sorry, I know it’s stupid.’ He shifted awkwardly, glancing away. ‘I mean, we haven’t even got to the fifth date yet.’
‘Well, you know all the people I write about on my blog aren’t necessarily real.’
‘I know, but… the Artist is real, and I know you’re seeing him at the moment. So I thought…’
‘Oh.’ The realisation that he was jealous took Claire by surprise. It had never occurred to her that he might be. ‘It’s different with you—’ She stopped, not sure how to explain why it was different. She couldn’t tell him he was the only real person she’d ever be writing about – apart from Luca. But she wanted him to understand because she couldn’t see herself ever writing about him, even after they’d started sleeping together.
‘How so?’ he asked.
‘Well… for one thing, because you know about the blog,’ she said, finding her excuse. ‘Those other guys didn’t, so I knew they wouldn’t read it – or if they did by some chance come across it, they wouldn’t know it was me writing it. I’m not anonymous with you, and I’d feel weird writing about you when I know you’re going to be reading it.’
‘I can understand that,’ he said. Then he tilted his head to the side, considering. ‘I tend to forget how different you are from your alter ego.’
Not for the first time, she hoped he didn’t find her a disappointment compared to the ballsy NiceGirl. ‘It’s easier to be upfront online,’ she said. ‘Especially when no one knows who you are.’
‘You said “for one thing”. Was there another?’
Claire took a deep breath. It was time to be honest with him – at least partly. ‘Well, because I feel like we – what we have – it’s different from anything I’ve had before. I think it could be… more. I mean, I’d like it to be more.’ She held her breath as she waited for his reaction, afraid she might have blown it.
‘I’d like that too,’ he said easily, and Claire exhaled. She should have known Mark wouldn’t be scared off. She had been spending too much time around Luca. She was starting to expect all men to be commitment-phobes.
Their eyes locked and his expression changed to something more intense.
He was the first to look away. ‘About that,’ he said, fiddling with his coffee spoon. ‘I’m not seeing anyone else, and if we’re going to do this…’
‘Oh! Yes.’ Claire blushed. ‘I see what you mean.’
‘I know it’s difficult in a long-distance relationship, and maybe I’m not as evolved as I should be but, like I said, I’m not good at sharing.’
‘No, I feel the same. I wouldn’t want to see anyone else either. I mean, I’m not really seeing anyone now?—’
‘Except the Artist?’
‘Well, yes. But that’s – it’s a limited-time thing. It’ll be over soon.’
