The offhanded way he said it made it seem like it wasn’t a compliment, so she didn’t take it as one. “So I’m just not someone you’d be attracted to?”
“I didn’t say that. I said you’re not my usual type.”
What the hell did that mean? Was he or was he not attracted to her? She needed to do some research and find out if there was a book out there on how to understand men. “What is your usual type?”
“Not you. You’re so…closed up. Your clothes are four sizes too big. You’re all boundaries and layers, completely inaccessible. You won’t even show your arms, for fuck sakes.”
“Are you…are you saying that I don’t dress…slutty enough?”
He cringed. “We talked about that word. And that’s not what I’m saying. It’s not about the clothes you wear. You wear your insecurities openly for everyone to see. And you become ten times worse when you’re in a dress.”
“That’s not true!”
“It is,” he fired back without hesitation. “You don’t wear sweatpants because they’re comfortable. You do it to hide your body. I can’t speak for all guys, but confidence is the number one thing that attracts me to a girl. You’re skinny and small…and short, but even if you’re built like a twelve-year old boy, you should own that. If you love that about yourself…it would still be sexy. You get what I’m saying?”
Well, at least she could always count on Kevin for a harsh dose of reality. She was still trying to absorb all that when his eyes locked on hers.
“Will you come here for a second?”
She scooted towards him on her backside and he shifted on the bed until they were sitting cross-legged, knee to knee.
“There’s nothing wrong with the way you are,” he said. “You have guys like Dean hitting on you even when you’re dressed like Justin Bieber on a fat day. I’m not saying you should change. Just loosen up a bit and try to be comfortable in your own skin. Let your hair down once in a while…literally.”
He slowly leaned forward and he seemed apprehensive as both his arms went around her. Gently, he tugged the band offher hair and undid the braid, allowing the thick mass to fall over her shoulders. Feeling his breath tickle her ear made those girly tingles go berserk.
“See?” he said, shifting back again. “It doesn’t take much at all.”
He smiled, and if the girly tingles weren’t bad enough, she had to endure girly bashfulness. Her face got so hot, she knew it would be impossible to hide the fact that she was blushing. Yep, she definitely preferred his asshole side. His asshole side wasn’t worthy of a blush.
“What…” She paused, petrified to ask. “What about the second question?”
He froze, staring at her for a good minute or so. He seemed to be mulling the idea over in his head and again, she braced herself for rejection.
“You’re asking…if I’d kiss you right now?” If it was possible, he sounded more anxious than she was.
“Yes.”
Another long, internal debate ensued. “I could…” Yet even as he said that, he looked uncertain about his answer. “I could…definitely kiss you right now.” There was nothing after that. He didn’t lean forward, nor did he make any move to touch her. He just sat there simmering in his uncertainty until he finally made a decision. “Do you want me to?”
She could only manage a nod, because her constricted throat wouldn’t allow a sound to get out.
Whether it was verbal or not, he always asked for permission before he touched her, and he only shifted forward after he got it. His hand went up to her face, gently brushing her hair off her cheek. Leaning closer, his fingers moved behind her neck while his thumb caressed her jaw. God, he smelled good. His cologne caused a riot inside her. He leaned even closer and she doubted whether she was still breathing. The increase in her heart ratewas indicative of a lack of oxygen. His lips were mere millimeters from hers when she finally found her voice.
“Kevin,” she whispered, “I’ve never done this before.”
“I figured.”
“I just…I just wanted you to know that going in…you know, expectation management. I’m gonna be really bad at this. I know you’ve probably…been with a lot of other girls and—”
His head dipped closer and she didn’t know if the light brush she felt on her lips was his breath or his mouth. “I’m not thinking about other girls right now.”
“That’s good…that’s really good to know. Just in case you were wondering, I’m not thinking about other guys either…Not that I know a lot of guys.”
“Are you gonna stop talking any time soon?”
“I’m sorry…I’m just…I’m just so nervous.”
His head shifted a little to her right. “Take your time.”
