Clayton took the beer from his hand and took a good, long sip before returning it. Kevin finished the can and decided he was done with this night. If it carried on for much longer, he’d be the one cleaning up vomit and he’d much rather get laid.
“Clay, drop me off at Claire’s house.”
“Sure, man.”
“Yo, Perry!” Kevin shouted, forcing the lovebirds to finally come up for air. “C’mon, man. We’re leaving.”
“So, Kev, I’ve been thinking,” Perry said, using Shandré as a support beam as he hobbled towards the car. “We should go to Florida.”
Kevin rolled his eyes for the five-hundredth time that night. Perry had been talking about a trip to Florida since they were twelve and Kevin still couldn’t see what his fascination with the state was. And he especially didn’t care at this time of night. He was thinking with his dick right now. He just wanted to go to Claire’s house and let her wrap him up in every part of her that was warm and wet. “Perry, what the hell is in Florida?”
“Di’ney World, motherfucker!” he replied, putting on his best Adam Sandler impersonation. “I want Ariel to sit on my lap and play with my afro.”
“You don’t have an afro.”
“I’ll grow one for the trip.”
Shandré snorted, looking up at him. “Bitch will get her flippers torn off if she sits onmyman.”
“You jealous, baby? She may get to sit on my lap, but you are the only one…theonlyone who gets to sit on my face.”
“You’re so romantic,” she said with a giggle.
They rubbed their noses together in the sickening way they always did and Kevin had to suppress a gag. He was becoming more irritable. “Both of you just get in the car.”
“It’s not a bad idea,” Clayton piped up. “We could go next year during Spring break. Party in Miami then stop in Orlando. It’ll be epic. The beaches are beautiful there and the women…”
“Fine,” Kevin agreed. “Parties, beaches, women…and Ariel. We’ll do all of that next year. Right now, can we all just get in the car!”
Clayton laughed and straightened, but without the support of his car, Kevin could see how unsteady he was on his feet. “You sure you’re okay to drive, Clay?”
“Yeah, man.” He gave a lazy smile. “I’m fine.”
November, 5
Great Falls, Montana
The beeping of his alarm pulled him out of his thoughts. It was a reminder that another day had passed, another day was now here. Kevin didn’t need the alarm to wake him up. He never really fell asleep, not since that night. This was the life he’d come to know, a life of feeling too much and yet nothing at all. He was in a constant state of semi-consciousness, a state where he was not asleep, but not fully awake either. It was a potent blend, a place where dreams mix with reality, a place where what-ifs were confused with what is.
He was the only one who came out of that car crash unharmed. He’d watched as they zipped up Perry and Shandré in black body bags. Clayton had been rushed to the ICU only to discover that his legs couldn’t be saved and had to be amputated. And here he was, perfectly fine with nothing but a scratch down his forearm. Life was using guilt as the dick to fuck his mind.
He’d replayed that night in his head a million times, thinking of all the things he could have done differently to prevent this eventuality, this existence.
A lot can happen in fifteen years. From kindergarten to college. From learning to read to learning to drive. First day at school. First Batman figurine. First PlayStation. First crush. First kiss. First boner. First porn movie. First chest hair. First taste of alcohol. He’d had his firsts of almost everything in the last fifteen years, and even though Perry may not have been part of every experience, he was always there.
And now he was gone.
There was nothing left, nothing except memories and habits. He hated this room, and yet he hardly ever left it. After his brother, Max, left to study in California, his parents had knocked down the wall between their bedrooms and turned it into a man-cave for Kevin and Perry. Everywhere he looked there were more memories. The pool table where they’d taken turns trying to beat his sister. They never got it right. The gaming console and flat screen TV where they’d sat up until early parts of the morning trying to beat a new game. There was even an extra bed for all the times Perry had slept over. It was just the right size for two people. But for Kevin alone…he was drowning in the space and emptiness.
This was the life he’d come to know. Every day he sat staring out his bedroom window, waiting to see Perry walking up the pathway. Every time he answered his phone, he expected to hear that familiar voice telling him to get his ass in gear. He hadn’t heard that voice in three months. He would never hear that voice again.
Death is so final. It comes without warning. It shatters and destroys and leaves behind only a longing for what used to be.
He heard a light tap on the door and then she walked in. She was the only person who could get a smile out of him these days and it was already on his face before she reached the bed. He wasn’t expecting her so early. Dom usually dropped off a sleeping bundle each morning before he went to work and she only woke up at around eight. It was just past six and she was already ready for action.
A chubby hand brushed her brownish-blonde hair out of her eyes. “Good morning, Uncle K,” Makayla greeted, patting his forehead like he was a puppy.
“Good morning, Princess Kay.”
